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Thread: GLBT dating question

  1. #1

    Question GLBT dating question

    For those of you who are GLBT, have you been able to find other GBLT people to date? I really want to meet guys that I can date but I don't know where to start. I'm not openly gay, which complicates the situation, but I really want to find friends and people who I know I could ask out. Any suggestions?

  2. #2
    Butterfly Mage

    Default

    I met my spouse through the dating section of our local gay newspaper. This method takes some patience, since you have to weed through a lot of creeps before you meet someone worth talking to. But I developed a pretty effective screening system.
    1. If the person says they're married and on the down-low, they're history.
    2. Once I made telephone contact, I'd have 3-4 reasonably long telephone conversations before meeting in person. If they got creepy or obsessed with sex, they'd be history.
    3. Once I agreed to meet in person, it was always in a public place -- such as a bookstore or a cafe. If the person lied about their appearance, had obvious hygiene problems, or otherwise was creepy, they'd be history.
    4. If the person still lived with their parents, had no job, or had drug/alcohol problems, they'd be history.
    5. If he person didn't treat me like an equal, they'd be history.

    Now, to give you an idea of how well that screening worked, I probably dated close to 100 guys before I met my partner. I had sex with only TWO of them.

    My partner and I have been together 13 years and got married this year (now that it is legal where I live). I'm really glad that I was physically intimate with so few people before deciding that he was the guy for me. We are very happy together.

  3. #3

    Default

    To the original poster: Yes, it is possible to find people to date that are gay; however here's your problem, you need to be at least some sort of "out". If you aren't out, then how would other's know, right? You don't need to be totally out, even to this day I am only selectively out. It's not that I hide it, I don't but I don't make it a point to flaunt it in people's face. I'm also not a person that comes off as being gay, if you met me and didn't know that I was you wouldn't guess it.

    Now how to find one? That really depends. I don't know how old you are but if you are of legal age then of course their is the possibility of gay bars. Where I live we "used" to have two, though I was never into the bar scene. Now both gay bars are gone so there's of course other ways. If you are in a smaller area like where I am there are ways to do it. I'll be perfectly honest, me and my current (and past) boyfriend met on Match.com. Hey, it worked so it might work for you.

    Again though, you'll need to be at least somewhat open, I mean if you're on a gay date and you run into a friend or something what would you say? You'll need to be comfortable with the possibility that people are going to figure it out.

  4. #4

    Default

    I have come to terms with being gay, especially over the past few months, so I'm not worried so much any more that people will find out. However, I don't want to go around telling everyone. I have hinted it to a few friends (but haven't come out and said it) and I'm pretty sure a few people suspect it (even though, like you ace, I'm not a person that would probably come off as gay).

    Unfortunately, I'm not old enough to drink so the bar scene is out of the question in my situation. I'm planning to join one of the GSA clubs at my university and participate as much as possible, but I'm not sure what else I could do short of telling everyone that I'm gay to see how they react.

    Edit: I'm not sure that I could do match.com or one of those websites either because I would gave to come out to my parents so I could pay for it (which I'm not ready to do yet).

  5. #5

    Default

    there is a website called the gay youth corner maybe you'd like to try that im a member and have meet some really nice guys on there.

    it's free, and you dont have to use a real name.
    Last edited by karatekid121005; 30-Dec-2010 at 04:45.

  6. #6

    Default

    I'm not really into the dating scene, but a friend of mine had a good experience using Ok Cupid. She said a lot of GLBT folks use it.

  7. #7

    Default

    I'm in the same position. (still D:)

    I've met some ABDLs who are gay (but not in my area) and some other gay people from a website.
    Quite nice guys, but nobody I could call a real friend so far. (or have sex with, for that matter)

  8. #8

    Default

    I met my current boyfriend (Charlie F!) through ADISC. I've found I meet more people when I'm not looking for someone than when I'm single and desperate. Obviously it's a bit different since I'm a straight female, and I agree with Ace in that you do need to be some-what 'out' for people to realise you're gay and available.

    Good luck

  9. #9

    Default

    I am openly gay, and I've been partnered for over two years now with a 24/7-wearing DL.

    The thing that I say to anyone, gay or straight, is that if you want to meet someone, you have to go where there are people. If you're a gamer and into anime, you're not going to meet someone at a nightclub, but you will meet someone at a hobby shop or anime convention. If you're an avid cyclist, you're going to have better luck at local races and events or at the local bike shop. If you're a furry or an abdl, you have to go to munches and meets. The only people who meet a mate at a bar or nightclub are those who actually enjoy bars and nightclubs.

    The other thing I will say is that you have to be out, open, and comfortable with yourself before you'll ever meet anyone and make it work. As a wise person once told me, "If you're not fit company for yourself, you're not fit company for anyone else, either," meaning that if you cannot entertain yourself, if you're not comfortable with yourself, and if you cannot handle being single, then you cannot handle being in a relationship, plain and simple. As a gay boy, you have to come out before you have any realistic chance of meeting someone, because stable gay boys like me will dump someone like a bag of used diapers the instant they hear you're still closeted. I believe that the same thing applies to unconventional sexuality, as well. If you're into diapers or you're a furry or you're into bondage, you have to be honest and forthright about that, or else you're going to run into a situation where you've invested several months or longer into a relationship that seems to be going really well, then either your mate is going to find you out, or you'll finally tell them, and that'll be it. They'll be hurt that you didn't tell them sooner or they'll freak out because suddenly you're not as advertised. Trust me, I've encountered both situations, so I can tell you first-hand that it sucks to think you have something going and then BAM! Done.

    ButterflyMage had some good advice if you're trying personals (online or in print), so I won't repeat that. Personally, though, I advocate going where people are. I met my BF at an abdl Halloween party to which I had been invited. I met a lot of people, many of whom are good friends now, at a big diaper party I went to a few years ago (that was also the trip where I got the life lesson about living life and being open, courtesy of the Canadian Border and Immigration Service officers in Windsor). Like I said, going where people are is the best and safest bet, but it involves being open and comfortable with yourself.

  10. #10

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Butterfly Mage View Post
    I met my spouse through the dating section of our local gay newspaper. This method takes some patience, since you have to weed through a lot of creeps before you meet someone worth talking to. But I developed a pretty effective screening system.
    1. If the person says they're married and on the down-low, they're history.
    2. Once I made telephone contact, I'd have 3-4 reasonably long telephone conversations before meeting in person. If they got creepy or obsessed with sex, they'd be history.
    3. Once I agreed to meet in person, it was always in a public place -- such as a bookstore or a cafe. If the person lied about their appearance, had obvious hygiene problems, or otherwise was creepy, they'd be history.
    4. If the person still lived with their parents, had no job, or had drug/alcohol problems, they'd be history.
    5. If he person didn't treat me like an equal, they'd be history.

    Now, to give you an idea of how well that screening worked, I probably dated close to 100 guys before I met my partner. I had sex with only TWO of them.

    My partner and I have been together 13 years and got married this year (now that it is legal where I live). I'm really glad that I was physically intimate with so few people before deciding that he was the guy for me. We are very happy together.
    AWUH SO CUTE!! I'm glad to know that your happy together with your partner.

    Yes, as a person who has dated in the GLBTQ circle it is very hard to find someone who is worth your while and who will treat you as an equal. But like Buterfly Mage said, it is possible and will happen eventually! It just takes time and patience. And a good nose for a good person.

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