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Thread: People That Just Can't Parent

  1. #1

    Exclamation People That Just Can't Parent

    I believe that everyone who is going to become a parent, should take parenting classes (and perhaps counseling if they wish for it), because it allows them to understand their child and what they should do in certain situations.

    Granted not everyone needs it, but quite a few do.

    And I know one that needs it now. Her child is 18 months, and he's a walker (as he should be). She doesn't know how to watch him, at all. Causing her to walk around the church all day trying to catch up to him.

    One individual at church finally got ahold of him, and watched him. And he sat, didn't cry, and was truly a good kid.

    She needs classes, so badly....and it was quite sad looking at her. She's not completely there, seeing as she's in her mid-30's and still acts like a teenager, but that's not an excuse. She needs to watch him, that's her child.

    ...I feel like this situation is so horrible, and I'm horrified at the thought of him running where he shouldn't while she wasn't looking and getting hurt. Or worse killed.

    What do I do? Or do I do nothing? This is just so...terrible!

  2. #2


    Community Colleges and some counseling providers give seminars on parenting. The ones I have been to usually cover basic child psychology, child corrective actions, and a lot of great discussions. I would start by looking for a seminar, getting the information, and then present it to your friend. When you speak to her don't degrade her as a person but explain to her that it seems she is having a rough time and that there is a seminar, group, whatever, that could help her learn to deal with the stress and teach her some other methods for teaching her child.

    Not my best explanation to date, but I hope it is enough to help.

    Be Well

  3. #3


    Have you ever read the novel Spin by Martin Sixsmith? In it, you have a slightly dystopian future where a government effectively introduces a baby licence, which you need to apply for before you're allowed to be a parent. It's... well, kind of a nasty idea, but at the same time I can really see the point. We require people to have a licence before they can drive a car, and I think it's safe to say that having a child is a greater responsibility, and yet we require absolutely nothing for that. Some people will be good parents just on their own, but others won't be, some will be absolutely terrible parents, no matter how much they love their child. The question is, do we as a society have a right to intervene?

  4. #4


    Heh, having a "baby license" sounds horribly like a police state situation to me.

    However, I do believe there is one way to combat the situation of people becoming parents when they clearly are not ready to.

    That tactic is - EDUCATION!

    Sex education, for starters.

    And education on what parenting REALLY means at the same time.

    That probably would have more sexually actively teenagers and young adults using rubbers than ever before.

  5. #5


    In fairness she is still learning how to be a parent, no one is fantastic first time round. Being a parent is a learning curve, she'll improve as time goes on I'm sure. IMO becoming a parent and learning "on the job" is better than taking a theory class on it. After all the practical experience is key here.

  6. #6


    This is a topic which I can relate to. True, no one is a perfect parent. Any of us on the forums, myself included, who have raised/are raising children can look back with perfect 20/20 hindsight and see where we may have handled any given situation with our kids in a more effective manner. What bothers me the most is seeing young parents who appear to be completely clueless as to how to train/discipline/raise their children. I take time to observe them while out in public places lots of times and it's obvious many of these parents have barely learned to be responsible enough to care for themselves, let alone instill responsibility, respect, and other necessary traits in their offspring as they grow up. Some I've observed are just right out gross people who have no business with children, or being anywhere near a child at all IMO! Now, I'm kind of on the fence as to whether parenting classes would be much help. The problem is that the personalities of these newer parents, as with all of us really, have already been formed largely by their own childhood homelife and parents...parents who many times never learned to raise their kids to be responsible adults either. Also, with each generation the problem of couples being ill-equipped to handle raising kids appears to be on the increase. The older you are, the more changes to the worse in parenting you can't help but have experienced. It's pretty hard to pass something on to your offspring you were never taught yourself. Not that people can't be helped to change, but I'm skeptical as to the number of them who actually would from attending a class because the way they are is too ingrained in them from young childhood. The only ones I could see benefiting from such a class are the parents who can see a personal need in themselves to change and have a willingness to put forth the effort to make changes.

    My feeling is that any such classes should always be voluntary and not mandated by the state. By somehow forcing couples or parents-to-be to attend classes would probably cause some of them to cop a bad attitude about it..."Who are you to tell me I'm not going to be a fit parent without goin' to school!!!???"...and end up being more of a disruption to anyone trying to benefit from the class.

    It's pretty much the same with teens in my state of Maryland wanting a driver's license, for example. They have to put in so many driving hours on the road in all kinds of road sitiuations and conditions, plus go to a driving class for two weeks in the evenings, all to supposedly make them more experienced and responsible drivers once they get their license. However, they've already learned how to drive before going through all of that instruction from observing their parents all the years while growing up. If their parents were careless in their driving habits and had an aggressive attitude towards other motorists while behind the wheel, most of the time their children are going to copy the parents and display the same driving attitude as well...despite what the driving instructor tries to teach them in class. Very few will do a self-examination, see their parents' way of driving isn't very responsible, and develop a better attitude to have on the road based on what the class taught. Whether new parent or driver, you've learned from your environment while growing up. To overcome shortcomings in your upbringing, making your mind over, and becoming someone different isn't impossible, but will take more than parenting classes alone - it will take a lot of personal determination and perseverence over a good period of time.

    I truly feel for the children caught in situations where the ones they rely on for so much - their parents - aren't responsible enough to carry out their roles towards their children. That, and situations where the parents are messed up on drugs or other substance abuse and then bring forth children into that deplorable home environment, who end up being removed by CPS and bounced around in foster homes. Makes me wish I had the ability and resources to take them all in and give them a happy and secure childhood homelife they both deserve and have a right to.


  7. #7


    Actually, I think a unit in high-school health class (or some sort of class that's appropriate) on general parenting might be particularly useful to society, I think.

  8. #8


    this is one of those situations where people are generally powerless.....if u see something illegal happen then report her but other than that there is no simple way to approach the issue with this person with out placing your self in an awkward position or causing problems with this person.....there are parents who are clueless and parents who mean well but also dont get it. then there are parents who do an excellent job....problem is there really arent a lot of options for making sure all parents turn out to be effective parents....and requiring classes sounds police statish to me too....having bad parents in society is just something we have to live with.....until the child gets abused then the law is on our side....

  9. #9


    I agree that there should be classes you need to take. I've read a lot on online and read a lot of books. I think I'm knowledgeable in being a parent, but I still got a lot to learn. My daughter is only 10months old.

    Usually the mother is the responsible one, but not in my case. We are currently getting divorced. Not went to court yet even. Daughter is with me 20/30 days of the month while her mom is out drinking with people and getting a tattoo I found out. My daughter needs her mother, but her mom doesn't want her it seems. Its sad.

    If she had went to classes and learned more she would realize that this affects her in a big way.

  10. #10


    We have legal requirements for driving or flying. We test for soooooooo many things that aren't nearly as important as child rearing. Should it be a required subject in school or is that getting in people's business too deeply? I'm guessing that time will come.

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