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Thread: My Appointment - A Sorry Tale

  1. #1

    Default My Appointment - A Sorry Tale

    So, I had my Urology appointment a few weeks ago, and it was awful! The guy didn't listen to a word I said and completely ignored the issue. He didn't look me in the eye (so rude!) and generally dismissed everything as a 'lifestyle choice'. Now, this has been a problem for me ALL my life, I'm fairly sure when I was in primary school my 'lifestyle' choices weren't all that off!

    I was so angry! Anyhoo, I went to the doctor on Wednesday to pick up the prescription that the urologist prescribed, and explained I didn't feel comfortable taking the tablets since the urologist wouldn't even explain what they were for.

    Luckily this doctor was SO understanding, and she offered to send me to someone else for a second opinion, and helped me make a complaint to the patient liason people at the hospital.

    She also gave me the tablets since she reckons it'll speed up me getting another appointment and explained what they were and what they did. She was so nice, and really helped me feel better. She also referred me for proper investigations since I've never had them before.

    I was worried that since it went so badly it must have been my fault, but she settled my mind, and really helped me calm down about the whole thing.

    So now I've got these tablets, and I'm still not really sure how they do, but I really feel like someones listening to me now, so

    This is more just a blog, I know, but I didn't feel so comfortable posting it as an actual blog.

  2. #2

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    Excellent! You now have a GP who listens! They are worth their weight in gold! So pleased through her you will seek a second opinion. 'No eye contact' - so prevalent these days <sigh>

  3. #3

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    Talula, I don't blame you for being upset and/or angry at this doctor. I had problems all my life growing up and they were handily dismissed by doctors as me being a 'late bloomer'. It wasn't that I wanted to be in diapers when I was young, after all, having schoolmates find out made for a lot of embarrassment and ridicule. This wasn't a lifestyle choice for me, that was a certainty!!!

    As for a doctor not listening, I understand that completely as well. When I started having testicular pain so bad that walking became a chore and it was disrupting my life in a large number of ways, I was referred to a urologist who didn't listen to a word I said either. I wore a diaper to the appointment because I was having trouble with my bladder control (drugs hadn't helped me before and by the time I actually got doctors to work on diagnosing me right I had come to terms with being in diapers for the rest of my life). The doctor was not interested in the pain I was having that was destroying my life; all he could fixate on was the fact that I needed to wear a diaper.

    The words that came out of his mouth? Quite literally, "The pain is insignificant."

    I was about to teach him just how insignificant it felt! A swift kick to the crotch would have let him know the truth! They wanted me to make another appointment, when I got home I called and cancelled it, explaining to the gal at the other end that I would NOT EVER be back as that doctor ignored everything I told him. I went back to my primary care doctor who had the same attitude as yours: the problem that needed addressed was ignored and the urologist didn't listen. He too helped me by ordering appropriate tests and finding me another urologist who would hopefully be better about listening to my concerns.

    As it was, I made sure I didn't go in to any urologist appointments in a diaper from then on--I didn't want a repeat of the visit with the previous doctor. I did tell the urologist about the trouble I had with bladder control and basically, he made sure that the pain I was having wasn't because there was something related to that. Other than that, he just gave me tips on how to better help manage my bladder troubles.

    Even with all of it, I got put on a couple medications during this time that didn't do anything, and stopped taking them once that was proven out. Having someone address your primary complaint and actually pay attention to what you say is necessary to truly getting the problem resolved.

  4. #4

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    I seriously don't know why people who do not want to help people become doctors...oh yeah, greed. *glares at your first one*

    Hopefully the next one you see will treat you like a human being. And I agree, report that guy for valuing his own personal bias above the care of the patient.

    *hugs*

  5. #5

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    I think, and maybe I am being overly optimistic here, most doctors want to fix the problem and when they see failed treatment after failed treatment, it reflects on their own egos and professional self-esteem. For a uro, seeing a patient in a diaper when there is no obvious physical cause for it, is a symbol of utter failure. It is a signal to them that they are not gods, just human after all.

    Having said that, none of the above excuses poor bedside manner or being passive-aggressive toward a patient. Assuming that your issues are genuine, you are entitled to compassionate care and better than being sloughed off as though you simply aren't trying hard enough.

    If you are able, go back to your GP and explain your concerns. Perhaps s/he will help you find a uro that will be a little more proactive and a lot more compassionate.

    JDCH

  6. #6

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    I guess my wife and myself, for that matter, are lucky that we live in Virginia and only 60 miles from UVA hospital. They specialize in specialists. My wife is diabetic with a foot ulcer that won't heal. The doctors in Lynchburg wanted to amputate her foot, and we rushed her up to UVA on a snowy night when even the ambulances weren't running. Her specialist operated and saved her foot. Sometimes you simply have to find the Wonderkin! UVA is full of them as is Duke University and many others throughout the United States.

    From what I'm reading, this is a greater problem in the U.K with socialized medicine, not that I'm trying to bring that issue up, because I'm not. What I am saying is that if you are not satisfied with your doctor, go up the food chain to the geniuses.

    I had the opposite problem. In 1986 I had my back operated on, and when I had recovered, I couldn't urinate. I had to catheterize myself every 4 hours. I too went to a urologist and he, in a cheery voice, assured me how "old hat" all of this would become. He even had 12 year old boys who catheterized themselves at school. I thought, just what hell have I walked into? Fortunately, things kicked in several weeks later. Not only could I pee, but I could do "that other thing". But imagine being an AB/DL since the age of 4 and suddenly having all that taken away.

    Talula, I hope things improve for you. I don't know what your options are in Scotland, but don't settle for second best if you can find someone who will help.

  7. #7

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    Talula, you have done the correct thing by talking to your doctor about how the urologist treated you. We all have feelings, we all want to know and understand what and why are these things happening. I to have found that doctors hate it if they can't cure you. What they feel is a good quality of life may not really be that for us so we have to stand and hold our grounds.

    Don't give up, keep talking with your family doctor. Sounds like she is a rare one that does care.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by dogboy View Post
    I guess my wife and myself, for that matter, are lucky that we live in Virginia and only 60 miles from UVA hospital. They specialize in specialists. My wife is diabetic with a foot ulcer that won't heal. The doctors in Lynchburg wanted to amputate her foot, and we rushed her up to UVA on a snowy night when even the ambulances weren't running. Her specialist operated and saved her foot. Sometimes you simply have to find the Wonderkin! UVA is full of them as is Duke University and many others throughout the United States.

    From what I'm reading, this is a greater problem in the U.K with socialized medicine, not that I'm trying to bring that issue up, because I'm not. What I am saying is that if you are not satisfied with your doctor, go up the food chain to the geniuses.

    I had the opposite problem. In 1986 I had my back operated on, and when I had recovered, I couldn't urinate. I had to catheterize myself every 4 hours. I too went to a urologist and he, in a cheery voice, assured me how "old hat" all of this would become. He even had 12 year old boys who catheterized themselves at school. I thought, just what hell have I walked into? Fortunately, things kicked in several weeks later. Not only could I pee, but I could do "that other thing". But imagine being an AB/DL since the age of 4 and suddenly having all that taken away.

    Talula, I hope things improve for you. I don't know what your options are in Scotland, but don't settle for second best if you can find someone who will help.
    I also live in L-Burg and, while UVA is a significant improvement over L. General, I strongly recommend Martha Jefferson (in C-ville as well).

    1) It's a nonprofit, which means that for the really big stuff, financial aid is available.

    2) The docs in that group are just generally more interested in fixing the problem than running up a tab.

    3) The docs in that group are also (believe it or not) more ahead of the curve on tech and procedural advances. The head of UVA Orthopedic Surgery told me there was "nothing" that could be done about my back problem. An orthopedic surgeon at Martha Jeff reviewed my MRIs, performed a discogram, ran me through some epidurals just to be sure, then performed an IDET procedure, which restabilized the painful disc and got me walking again without agony, which is all I was after in the first place.

    If it hadn't been for that guy, I likely would be posting here as an incontinent, because my back pain had reached a point where the muscle spasms were interfering with my bladder control...

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by DaddysLittleDefect View Post
    I seriously don't know why people who do not want to help people become doctors...
    When I worked for a medical school, I was able to classify a majority of the students into three categories. They were as follows:
    1) Always dreamed of being a physician and did everything they could to make that dream come true. These generally made good students and eventually good docs.
    2) Dreamed of being a physician, but somewhere along the way realized it wasn't exactly the thing they had dreamed about, but since they had so much invested already decided to go on an pursue the education. Most of the time, they made good students, but not always. Probably should go into research or some field where contact with the patient is minimal.
    3) Mommy and Daddy always wanted them to be a physician, and they didn't have the balls to go against them. These were the worst students, and we constantly had to answer to mommy and daddy (who were paying the bills) as to why their kid was failing repeatedly.

    And in my nursing career, I do see greed as a factor among some of the docs, but mostly it is the fact that they become jaded over time and only see the patient as a diagnosis and not a person. That is the reason we have nurses!

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by DaddysLittleDefect View Post
    I seriously don't know why people who do not want to help people become doctors...oh yeah, greed.
    Doctors don't heal; They make diagnoses, press medications and social standards upon you, and make 100 grand a year. (To all the ladies out there... don't have a fling with a doctor. I don't care if he's adorable as a baby monkey; He's hiding secrets from you and I want to kick him in the panties.)

    Nurses, however... we heal. We're the ones who change yo' IV's, foo'! We're the ones who actually talk to you and make you feel better after you have your appendix removed and you feel like shitdiddlies.



    Quote Originally Posted by closet dl View Post
    When I worked for a medical school, I was able to classify a majority of the students into three categories. They were as follows:
    1) Always dreamed of being a physician and did everything they could to make that dream come true. These generally made good students and eventually good docs.
    2) Dreamed of being a physician, but somewhere along the way realized it wasn't exactly the thing they had dreamed about, but since they had so much invested already decided to go on an pursue the education. Most of the time, they made good students, but not always. Probably should go into research or some field where contact with the patient is minimal.
    3) Mommy and Daddy always wanted them to be a physician, and they didn't have the balls to go against them. These were the worst students, and we constantly had to answer to mommy and daddy (who were paying the bills) as to why their kid was failing repeatedly.

    And in my nursing career, I do see greed as a factor among some of the docs, but mostly it is the fact that they become jaded over time and only see the patient as a diagnosis and not a person. That is the reason we have nurses!
    Quoted for truth, my brotha! (On both accounts.)

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