I've always really struggled with self acceptance, in regards to both being gay and being AB/DL. I could ramble on about the specifics of why I've had such a hard time accepting myself, but we'll just sum it up with being raised in a fairly strict and religious household that also happened to be in po-dunk rural Utah.
I feel that I have also had such a hard time because I'm so subconsciously hesitant to let myself actually enjoy wearing diapers and acting out a bit of regression. I've been contemplating the causes behind this and have even been seeing a therapist to help me work through and process some of these confusing emotions. I feel as though have arrived at a few conclusions that have really allowed me to let go of the guilt and shame that so fiercely accompanied my AB/DL side, and I feel like I should share them in the hopes that they might help someone else as well.
The biggest hurdle to overcome was to understand and come to terms with the genesis of my AB/DL lifestyle. I had a few ideas and inclinations as to "why," however, anytime I'd start to explore those memories I'd find myself walking down a very emotionally painful and hard to digest path of memory lane. I began to assume that I'd never fully understand the horrible events that lead to it, and therefore these feelings and behaviors had to be something negative and even possibly "pathogenic." I believed that I was just chasing a long lost feeling to feel a void caused by the negative events of my past, and was therefore no better off than a drug addict. As I worked with my therapist, she helped me to understand that forming positive associations with seemingly odd things is actually quite normal, she also explained to me how one's subconscious can re-route elements of sexuality through pathways it feels is safer. She also helped me to work through the negative experiences that cause my subconscious to do so. (Mostly bullying episodes in grade school, but THATíS for another topic) After letting go of the hurt, and beginning the amends making process, and developing strategies to grow and heal from the situation, I, to no major surprise, found myself still wanting to wear diapers and enjoy my baby items.
This has led me to the conclusion that even though my AB/DL tendencies were born of negative energy and hurt, the acting out of my desires doesn't have to, often isn't, nor should be something to "heal the wounds of the past." It is however, a way for me to relax and unwind, to reward myself, to reconnect to a part of my "true self". This is something that can help keep me grounded and sane and happy in such a crazy, busy, confusing, and cut-throat world.
This simple realization has allowed me to more fully enjoy wearing diapers and regression, and the effects have been tremendous. I've gotten several complements from people about this "whole new energy" I'm carrying around, and even though I'm super stressed about money, and school/finals, and a bunch of other crap right now, I've never felt better about myself.
I hope by sharing this, someone out there who is struggling like I was can make these realizations and enjoy some of the same benefits that I have been enjoying.