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Thread: The Topic of Feelings...

  1. #1

    Default The Topic of Feelings...

    Alright, lemme explain the situation here first.

    I'm a very, very thick-skinned person, or so I like to believe. I've come to know who I am and I've learned to not give a crap about what others think of me.

    But then... why do I get so upset over people being complete asshats? I was always taught "If it doesn't have to do with you, don't mind it." but... I don't think I can live up to that expectation. I feel as if I'm obligated to feel angry at some points over what stupid people say for the good of other people. I just think "Other people will get upset and sad over this, and that makes Mama Bear very, very angry." I'm thinking that it's just my maternal instinct taking over (because this especially applies to people giving the usual insults to AB/DL's), but I wanted to know if other people feel this way sometimes too. Like you aren't insulted personally, but you know that others will be upset over it. It surely can't be just a caretaker/parental thing, right? My clinical experiences would tell me that it's just basic human empathy, but after seeing the behavior of people off and on the internet, I'm starting to think that empathy, like chivalry and basic human decency, is dead. Dead as absolutely dead.

    Note: This came from two sources: A thread on Fapchan that discussed the pronouns that are used for trans people (in which somebody was very rude and said that trans people should use the pronoun that relates to their 'birth sex', for lack of a better word), and learning that my mother still has $20,000 lawyer bills to pay off after our domestic violence case against my asshole (now disowned) father. Because, seriously, who would make a single mother 35,000 bucks just to get out of an abusive household?!)

    tl;dr: I get butthurt for other people. Does anybody else feel this way?

    /rant. Thanks for listening, you guys.

  2. #2

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    yeah i feel for ya hun, it sucks when people are jerks to other people. like world would be a better place if we all lived by this one rule. dont be an ass.
    i think your totally justified getting upset. and wow that sucks about the legal fees. i dunno what to say to that

  3. #3

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    I don't think chivalry is dead yet, but it's getting close. However, I think that scarcity makes finding those rare cases that much more exceptional and gratifying.

    The world is a rough place and nothing I say can change that. But there is good in the world. There can't be any bad without the good to measure it up against.

    You've got a right to be angry over people like that because they make life hard on other people to ease their own troubles and that's not right at all. But if you don't accept some people as just being that way, then you're going to be constantly stressed and angry. As lame as it sounds, go on the itnerent after hearing these things, and just type 'Good News around the world' into a search engine. Some of these stories are really uplifting. I've never really had a lot of faith in the human race, but there are numerous exceptions out there.

    And as for your mother, I don't really know what to say either. I don't know if you're religious or not (And I'm not the most religious person) but for what it's worth, I'll pray that she can find a solution to the problem.

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by MrMcAwesome View Post
    and wow that sucks about the legal fees. i dunno what to say to that
    Thanks, man. I know that all the people in the court have to get paid somehow and paying for a bunch of people's salaries can really rack up, but it's not like Celebrity X is suing Celebrity Y and they have millions of dollars. She had to quit her teaching job, find a new one, get a roof over our heads, buy food, get a car, and try to keep her and her kids sane and healthy. And then they go and say "Oh, congrats, you have to pay more than your yearly salary because you wanted to be safe." Now she's paying around 6,000 USD a year to some fucked-up justice system and practically buying her lawyer a new Mercedes-Benz. That's 6,000 dollars that could be spent to buy herself new shoes (she never gets herself anything) or helping pay for my brother's education. (People always told me that I should be a lawyer, and if Ghandi says that I should be the change that I wish to see in the world, maybe I should. School's just expensive...)

    I just feel really bad for my mom, because now my little brother is turning into an asshat like my father and yet my mother is convinced that he doesn't need help and won't get him any. (Yet she put me in therapy for three years because I was visibly upset about his behaviour? Erjfkdjal, I'm the only smart person in my family.) That's practically why I haven't moved out yet besides my financial situation with college and stuff. He's getting bigger and stronger every day (He's entering puberty right now, not to mention that he's an athlete) and she has osteoperosis, so I'm really worried about everything. She's very very passive (and fragile), and I know how to fight, so I feel as if I'm obligated to keep her safe at times.

    Really world, really? /rant

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by Shukkume View Post
    Alright, lemme explain the situation here first.

    I'm a very, very thick-skinned person, or so I like to believe. I've come to know who I am and I've learned to not give a crap about what others think of me.

    But then... why do I get so upset over people being complete asshats? I was always taught "If it doesn't have to do with you, don't mind it." but... I don't think I can live up to that expectation. I feel as if I'm obligated to feel angry at some points over what stupid people say for the good of other people. I just think "Other people will get upset and sad over this, and that makes Mama Bear very, very angry." I'm thinking that it's just my maternal instinct taking over (because this especially applies to people giving the usual insults to AB/DL's), but I wanted to know if other people feel this way sometimes too. Like you aren't insulted personally, but you know that others will be upset over it. It surely can't be just a caretaker/parental thing, right? My clinical experiences would tell me that it's just basic human empathy, but after seeing the behavior of people off and on the internet, I'm starting to think that empathy, like chivalry and basic human decency, is dead. Dead as absolutely dead.

    Note: This came from two sources: A thread on Fapchan that discussed the pronouns that are used for trans people (in which somebody was very rude and said that trans people should use the pronoun that relates to their 'birth sex', for lack of a better word), and learning that my mother still has $20,000 lawyer bills to pay off after our domestic violence case against my asshole (now disowned) father. Because, seriously, who would make a single mother 35,000 bucks just to get out of an abusive household?!)

    tl;dr: I get butthurt for other people. Does anybody else feel this way?

    /rant. Thanks for listening, you guys.
    I feel this way all of the time, Shukkume. The persona I display to others, including friends and family, is one of ' thick-skined ' indifference, I rarely display my true emotions. Sometimes I want to smack the shit out of the assholes of the world, but I usually just sit and cry for a few minutes, then try to put them out of my thoughts.

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by Shukkume View Post
    Alright, lemme explain the situation here first.

    I'm a very, very thick-skinned person, or so I like to believe. I've come to know who I am and I've learned to not give a crap about what others think of me.

    But then... why do I get so upset over people being complete asshats? I was always taught "If it doesn't have to do with you, don't mind it." but... I don't think I can live up to that expectation. I feel as if I'm obligated to feel angry at some points over what stupid people say for the good of other people. I just think "Other people will get upset and sad over this, and that makes Mama Bear very, very angry." I'm thinking that it's just my maternal instinct taking over (because this especially applies to people giving the usual insults to AB/DL's), but I wanted to know if other people feel this way sometimes too. Like you aren't insulted personally, but you know that others will be upset over it. It surely can't be just a caretaker/parental thing, right? My clinical experiences would tell me that it's just basic human empathy, but after seeing the behavior of people off and on the internet, I'm starting to think that empathy, like chivalry and basic human decency, is dead. Dead as absolutely dead.

    Note: This came from two sources: A thread on Fapchan that discussed the pronouns that are used for trans people (in which somebody was very rude and said that trans people should use the pronoun that relates to their 'birth sex', for lack of a better word), and learning that my mother still has $20,000 lawyer bills to pay off after our domestic violence case against my asshole (now disowned) father. Because, seriously, who would make a single mother 35,000 bucks just to get out of an abusive household?!)

    tl;dr: I get butthurt for other people. Does anybody else feel this way?

    /rant. Thanks for listening, you guys.
    TL;DR: Yes. It is part of being a good person with a zeal for justice.

    Longer answer: Empathy is not dead. I understand where you're coming from, but you have been exposed to ample examples of this--from me if nothing else. Meh. Let's see ... aha, the Asshat Problem. Recall my blog a couple posts ago: I, too, am fed up with asshats. I'm fed up with them being rewarded for being same. I'm thoroughly fed up with not being able to see justice meted out. So I suspect that this--justice and equity and "correctness"--is a major component of what you're feeling. It doesn't concern you, but it still offends when others are asshats and spread their asshattery to others.

    Shorter longer answer:

  7. #7

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    the first souce (the forum one) i can imagine... its sad though... but i can only imagine this because that poster is ignorant not only of the crap us transfolk have to go through (well kinda for me... i still really want to go on HRT... my parents know but im to shy to keep bringing up the subject to get my parents butts up and moving) but more so the fact that he can't see the face's of his listeners, the face the most expressive part of a person and maybe if he could see the hurt past his computer it might change his tone but thats doubtful... such is the flaw with communicating over the internet, more talking but somehow a lot less social

  8. #8

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    Well, i hate to be the gritty on the other side of the fence but your failing to analyze some facts. Lawyers, like any line of work requires some form of payment, thats just a fact of life. That being said the legal professional most likely spent may years and many tens of thousands of dollars to get to the point where he or she is able to achieve the line of work that they are in. That being said the legal system is not there to rememdy bad relationship choices for free. It's really trajic that your in the situation that your in and i feel for you but you shouldnt blame the system. In retrospect the blame should be placed on primarily your father but your mother should recognise that by choosing him as a life partner, she took her own risks and the system in any country generally isnt at fault for this as far as i am aware. The important thing is that you choose the right partner, someone who will treat you well.

  9. #9

    Default

    Yeah, it happens to me too. It bothers me when unfair or senseless things happen to others, even if it doesn't directly affect me at all. I try not to think about it because there's usually nothing I can do about it.



    Quote Originally Posted by Shukkume View Post
    A thread on Fapchan that discussed the pronouns that are used for trans people (in which somebody was very rude and said that trans people should use the pronoun that relates to their 'birth sex', for lack of a better word)
    Well, this is one of a few cases where the person deserves a case of his/her own medicine. The person who said this rude stuff...? I think that person deserves to be treated as the opposite gender for the rest of his/her life... unless the person admits to being wrong. Some people seem incapable of empathy & only understand things when they personally know how it feels to be on the other side.



    Quote Originally Posted by Chiharu View Post
    Well, i hate to be the gritty on the other side of the fence but your failing to analyze some facts. Lawyers, like any line of work requires some form of payment, thats just a fact of life. That being said the legal professional most likely spent may years and many tens of thousands of dollars to get to the point where he or she is able to achieve the line of work that they are in. That being said the legal system is not there to rememdy bad relationship choices for free. It's really trajic that your in the situation that your in and i feel for you but you shouldnt blame the system. In retrospect the blame should be placed on primarily your father but your mother should recognise that by choosing him as a life partner, she took her own risks and the system in any country generally isnt at fault for this as far as i am aware. The important thing is that you choose the right partner, someone who will treat you well.
    The system does deserve at least some blame. Do lawyers deserve to earn money? Of course.... but not to the point that they're simply exploiting people. If they're charging people 35k, then they'll pay off their law school expenses unbelievably fast. (...or, I should say they would be able to... whether they would manage their money well enough or not is another story) Just think about how much money that is for a moment. I hardly think it would hurt if they charged a little bit less.... though I suppose there are also lawyers out there that don't charge quite that much.

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by ShippoFox View Post
    The system does deserve at least some blame. Do lawyers deserve to earn money? Of course.... but not to the point that they're simply exploiting people. If they're charging people 35k, then they'll pay off their law school expenses unbelievably fast. (...or, I should say they would be able to... whether they would manage their money well enough or not is another story) Just think about how much money that is for a moment. I hardly think it would hurt if they charged a little bit less.... though I suppose there are also lawyers out there that don't charge quite that much.
    Theres a cost and demand market ratio.. its that expensive because thats how much it costs relative to demand, that being said people will pay "more" for better lawyers because it yeilds "better success" 50% of lawyers passed in the bottem half of their law class? xD That beig said 35k sounds like your paying for a lawyer as well as court costs and the whole doodlederp fiasco. Funding a court room in a prolonged battle isnt cheap either... thats alot of 7+ year educated potatos cooking in one oven.

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