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Thread: My boyfriend calls me mommy?

  1. #1

    Default My boyfriend calls me mommy?

    Hello guys, I joined in july but haven't been active since. Lately my boyfriend calls me mommy all the time. He says things like mommy I'm hungy. Mommy can u wipe my hands. He asks me to take of his clothes and rub his tummy. He likes me to feed him and do his laundry for him. This turns me on like you wouldn't believe! I get so turned on but I also feel ashamed. I'm struggling and I need some of your help. I don't know if this is sexual for him or not. It never transfers to the bedroom. I have expressed to him my intrest in breastfeeding him and he seemed turned on by it.

    The probllem I'm having it feeling ashamed like when I think of his actualy mother. When he geets me to do these things I find it sexually arousing so when he tells me thingas about his real mom I get jealous and angry then I will make him stop calling me mom for a while. Lately he's been talking about his mom less and less and calling me mommy more and more and he gets me to do his laundry and cook for him instead of her. Sometimes I'm scared he has an oedipus comples because I know his mom is very coddling but very emotioanally distant. I'm very emotioanally nurturing. His dd was also abusive and I ffeel he was emotionally neglected.

    Anyway how cna I go on with out being ashamed that he has oedipus complex, and how can I just enjoy being his mommy because it srouses me so much?? Help pleaseeee I need lots of advice

  2. #2


    Well, I don't think he has an oedipus complex, since the ageplay stuff never happens in the bedroom. If the idea of his mother turned him on, he would probably try to sneak it in during sex. Also, you're not his mother.

    What has possibly occurred here is that because his mother was so coddling but emotionally distant, he became dependent on a mommy figure to do things for him, and it sort of crippled him emotionally and developmentally. He doesn't like or know how to do things for himself, and he's gotten used to feeling helpless. I was in a similar situation when I was younger.

    Honestly, someone like you is perfect for him at this point. He probably needs to be coddled a bit by someone who is emotional. It could be just the thing he needs to keep growing as a person. Yeah, it's not the normal sort of relationship...but if you were entirely into the normal sort of relationship, his calling you 'mommy' wouldn't turn you on. Explore that side of yourself...see how it works, maybe why it's there. You could learn a lot about yourself, even if you don't end up marrying this guy.

    And need to feel ashamed. There are a lot of people out there like you and your boyfriend. A lot more than I ever would've thought when I was younger and struggling to figure out what this thing was.

  3. #3


    Ok, the Oedipus Complex is the want to have sex with your mother, I doubt he has that because he wants you. He seems to want you to be a "mommy" to him. I don't know if this is because he was neglected or other wise. Anyway, you said this is making you feel bad. I don't know what to tell you, eventually I hope this feeling of shame fades.

  4. #4


    I would try to talk to him and see why exactly he likes calling you mommy, and if it is sexual for him at all. If it is never sexual for him, but is sexual for you, it may become frustrating. In my last relationship, I was the mommy, and found it very sexual, but he didn't very much, especially at first. And it would be difficult to be aroused, and then feel like he wasn't putting out, so to speak. There are ways to make it work, but if you are turned on all the time, and he is playing with blocks and sex is the farthest thing form his mind, it will be something that will have to be talked about.

  5. #5


    This is essentially the question you asked before here: Now sometimes I mention this sort of thing because it's a duplicate thread and it's messy but in this case I'm mentioning it because you asked a question, people gave really thoughtful answers and I think you should go back and reread them if you need to recall what people said, because the difficulty as I see it is not a lack of information but how you percieve this. If you can reframe your question we can try to address that but there's no sense in just adding to the weight of answers. I'm not at all unsympathetic. I understand why this could be both appealing and worrying for you but you must also allow yourself to be helped rather than just spinng your wheels. Listen to what is said and try to proceed from there.

    Lastly, please please please try to stop psychoanalzying this. If you need a professional for yourself or your relationship, get one but you have neither the knowledge base or the objectivity to engage with this.

  6. #6


    I love your Ducky :-X

  7. #7


    Firstly, I would stop worrying about him having an 'oedipus complex.' The oedipus complex is something which Freud's theory suggested all infants go through in developing their sexuality - it is a stage in which children are fixated on their mothers, and as such compete for their mother's attention against their fathers, and come to feel resentment towards him. Whilst it is suggested that children do feel some sort of sexual desire/attachment to their mothers, it doesn't really transfer to wanting to have sex with your mother as an adult. Freud suggested all male children go through the oedipus complex (or electra complex for girls, in which they feel the desire for their fathers) but it doesn't mean that they grow up wanting to sleep with their mothers!

    Whilst your boyfriend may be comforted or aroused by the thought of you being his 'mommy' I doubt it stems from a real desire to sleep with or be babied by his mother, any more than your feeling arousal for him playing your baby/son is a feeling that would transfer to any real children you had. It is a form of role-play, but essentially you both know, and are constantly aware of, the fact that you are not actually mother and son, even if at times you get so involved in the role-play it's not a conscious thought. I wouldn't like to suggest why your boyfriend enjoys having you take on the role of being a mommy, but perhaps that is something you need to have a conversation about. If you're feeling uncomfortable or confused about your current situation and the shift in your relationship then you need to tell him.

    Essentially, we can give you all of the advice and suggestions in the world, we can try and analyse your situation over and over again, but until you talk to your boyfriend you won't feel any more assured. The fact you've posted a similar thread in the past just confirms this. Only your boyfriend can assure you that this has nothing to do with his real mother, and only through talking and listening to each other about this role-play can you begin to feel less ashamed of it and begin to understand what it means within your relationship, and then work to find some solutions so that you don't feel ashamed, and so that you don't resent his mother.

    That means that, even if it's hard, you need to sit down together and talk about this aspect of your relationship. Even if it's an uncomfortable or awkward conversation, it's one that it sounds like you need to have. You need to talk to him about his desires, and about yours. Find out what he likes about being babied or having you take on a maternal role. Does he like the feeling of nurturing? Does it make him feel safe and secure? Does it make him feel comforted? Does he like you being in a dominating position? Does he like the feeling of being in a weak or helpless role? Does it make him feel closer to you? There are lots of things he could be getting out of having you pretend to be his mommy that are nothing to do with his real mother, nor his past or present relationship with her. When he is being babied by you he probably doesn't ever think of his real mother - during the role-play you are his mother, and you are probably all he's thinking about during those times. But you can't begin to understand his reasons for liking this unless you ask him personally.

    You should also talk to him about what you like about pretending to be his mommy - what is it that you enjoy about it? Is it being in a position of power over him? Is it the feeling that you're taking care of him and making him happy? What about it sexually arouses you? If he doesn't know you are sexually aroused by this, tell him. See if he is willing to take some of this to the bedroom - even if he doesn't like the idea of calling you mommy in the bedroom, he might like the idea of you taking the dominant role in the bedroom some of the time. Then you also need to talk to him about the things that make you feel less comfortable about the role-play, namely the fact that you're worried he has an 'oedipus complex' and that you are worried that the role-play he enjoys with you stems from his feelings towards his own mother. Be open and honest in your discussion, don't accuse him of having an oedipus complex or try and psycho-analyse him by telling him you think it's because his mom was emotionally distant (I'd avoid talking about his mom as much as possible, if you said the wrong thing you'd risk offending him) or anything like that, just let him tell you how he feels without the fear that you're trying to find too many reasons for his desires. There may not be a reason he likes you playing the mommy role and there may not be a reason you like playing it, but as long as you understand what you get out of it then even if you don't understand why you like it, it doesn't matter.

    In terms of his real mother, although it may be hard you need to work on combating the feelings of jealousy and anger you feel towards her, and your boyfriend, when she is brought up. Hopefully, talking to your boyfriend and finding out that this role-play has nothing to do with his real mother will help this. If you and your boyfriend are in a serious and committed relationship, or hope to be in one in the future, then if you feel any resentment towards his mother then it really won't be conductive to your relationship in the long run. She is likely to be a part of your life for as long as you're with your boyfriend, and he is going to want to talk about her some of the time. Our parents have a big impact and influence on our lives, be it positive or negative, and our morals, opinions and beliefs are going to be entangled in memories relating to our parents - whether they did a good or bad job at parenting things they have said and done when we were children will have altered who we are today. It's natural that sometimes your boyfriend will bring up his mother in relation to conversations you're having, and if you start to make him feel she's not somebody he can talk about when he's with you then it could have a negative impact on your relationship.

    Anyway, in case that was too much for you to read, in short my advice is to talk to your boyfriend about all of this. Find out what he thinks about it, find out why he likes it, and tell him how you feel about it. Nobody can help you to understand this, or to find a solution to it, better than he can. Whilst it never hurts to get some advice from people outside of the two of you, ultimately if there is a problem in the relationship it will take both of you to solve it. I doubt you can come to terms with your feelings towards this role-playing until you also begin to understand his, and until you are sure that this has nothing to do with his real mother you probably won't stop feeling ashamed. He is the only person who can reassure you on this, so sit him down and have what sounds like a long-overdue heart-to-heart.

    Good luck. I hope you are able to begin to understand this part of your relationship and start to enjoy it without any feelings of guilt or shame. I'm sure together the two of you will be able to get there

  8. #8


    You could always ask him to call you nanny instead? Win win?

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