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Thread: 'Ghost' ABs and Caretakers... people who come and disappear

  1. #1

    Default 'Ghost' ABs and Caretakers... people who come and disappear

    I've noticed this in a few years that I have actually been chatting with people in the AB community and I see some people come and go. Very rarely do I get to keep people as friends. It bothers me sometimes because they never tell me what I did wrong or something.

    I've had mommies disappear on me and never talk to me again, I've had baby girls disappear or decide they want another daddy or something and they effectively cut off all contact. I know it was not cause of something I did because I am one of those people who treat people as I wish to be treated- with respect.

    I was just wondering if this has happened to others here too in the years of being online.


    This is not a pity thread, but a thread out of curious thought...

  2. #2


    I guess it could be a few things. The problem with having online friens is that a lot of the time you have no idea what is going on in their real lives. people's circumstances change, it is common for AB/DLs to find themselves in the binge/purge cycle so i guess if somebody goes into a purge and decides to stop indulging in any of their AB/DL tendencies they would likely stop talking to any online people they associate with those interests. Equally, if you're chatting to a girl who is single, and she then finds herself in a relationship, she may again decide to break contact with you. It would of course be polite for these online friends to keep you informed, but it is often easier to just break contact with someone over the internet than it is to try and articulate your reasons with, for example, an email.

    On the other hand it could be something that you've said or done, even unknowingly. When I was younger I was in touch with two AB/DL men, and i suppose I broke contact with both of them very quickly. The reason I broke contact with one was because I began seeing my boyfriend, and so I found our friendship inappropriate. In the case of the other guy we had met up on a couple of occasions, and he wanted us to stay in a hotel (separate rooms) so we could have an extended time enjoying being padded with someone who didn't mind. He said he wasn't hoping for anything sexual, but although I believed him I said no - I felt worried that this guy, who knew my real name, my username on non AB/DL sites and my real email address could turn and start pressuring me into things, even though he never showed any indication that he would, and my paranoia caused me to break contact with him. He hadn't actually done anything, but in my head I started imagining things he could do.

    I guess because for many people this is a fetish, and because even for those for whom it isn't it is usually a sensitive and personal thing, it causes them to be more wary around others. Being an AB isn't at all sexual for me, but for a lot of guys who I speak to it is, and that in itself makes me less trusting of their motives, and more likely to just break off contact as a way of protecting myself from getting too close to an AB/DL guy.

  3. #3


    Some people just up and leave different communities. You most likely did nothing wrong I've taken extended breaks before when I lost interest.

  4. #4


    True, or the fact that I tend to be honest about things might scare them off. Honesty is important to me because of how I was raised. I believe in being honest with people and I kinda expect people to be honest with me too. But oh well... I was just curious as if this has happened to others too. This had been on my mind for a while.


  5. #5


    As someone who left sites before (including this one for a while, which honestly has a little do with the stuff I'm mentioning here), part of what makes someone want to leave a site is more just the feeling that they aren't noticed. That's why, when new members join I always try to give them tons of attention. When I feel like there is a chance of a friendship, I make connections more than just the forum to help build some kind of friendship.

    It's very sad to hear that caregiver's or babies would just leave when someone is actively you know, trying to learn to let them in. Like someone mentioned before, I personally am not an adult baby or a little girl for sexual reasons which sometimes make me feel alienated in the community. Alienation is another thing that helps people feel like they don't have a reason to sign in anymore. it's just important that if you really want someone to stay your friend that you make sure you keep your lines of communication OPEN. Ask them how they are feeling, ask them maybe once in a while if they are happy, share instant messaging usernames or something... there is a lot of ways to show that your interested in being good friends.

    It's a real problem not just for this community, but for all communities and the biggest thing is to just help someone feel excited to sign on. Give them love and be attentive, and your efforts are probably going to be rewarded.
    Last edited by gigglemuffinz; 27-Oct-2010 at 13:10. Reason: Some grammer and spelling mistakes.

  6. #6


    Someone leaving often has little to do with the people on the site. Some people just lose interest, some find a different site, and some just have stuff going on in there lives that prevents them from being on. 99%, it's not what you did, it's something they need to work though, the best thing to do is tell them that your there to give a helping hand.

  7. #7


    And that is what I try to do, but some people well... just disappear. I look at it this way, life goes on and I figure someday I'll meet someone whether it's online or in RL and what happens, happens.


  8. #8


    I can understand. This is the first community that I have joined in almost 10 years. I had serious issues that I had to deal with, both my own, and those around me. Now that I have become more sure of who and what I am, I am ready to join a community like this. I have had many *B/DL friends over the years, and with my cycles of binge and purge, I would deliberately cut myself off from those sort of friends. Luckily, those days are over, and I am ready to embrace and help new folks.

    There are a lot of us who feel guilt, confusion, or reticence about the *B/DL lifestyle. They convince themselves that they can change this side of them. Others get alarmed by the very feelings they wanted. This has happened to me, where I felt my inner child respond, and it scared my adult side silly. Finally, over time, people change. It's a simple fact we can't ignore. A person you know well can develop into someone with no common interest. It's sad, but it happens quite frequently.

    I have babbled on long enough >.>

  9. #9


    People change their minds, people find someone else better. Remember when me and you talked about getting an apartment together and being babies if you come move out here but then I found someone?

    I've had several online boyfriends and they all disappeared. One of them got a girlfriend in real life and the other was annoying and he stopped coming on and then so did the other who I felt close to.

    I've always hated when people stop signing on so I decided I would never do that to my friends. But sadly that can be hard because if I have things going on in my life, I am not going to sign on because I won't feel like chatting. Same as when your interests change, you are going to lose interests in your friends. I used to have a lot of AB/DL friends and lot of them have disappeared or we lost contact.

  10. #10


    I would probably say (and by probably, I mean type and actually say) that some folks who just take off and come and go and come and go are doing that whole bingey purgey thing. So like, one day diapers are super excellent and fun and the next they're evil and trophies of guilt, ya know? So maybe you got this friend online on some ABDL site and you're getting along fine, but then they have some perspective change (cause it totally happens) and then they take off. Maybe forever, maybe just for a little while. And if they do come back, maybe the relationship doesn't start up again cause they don't want to recconect with the community cause they feel bad or guilty or whatever else. Also, it's an internet relationship, so I think that it's generally a lot harder to maintain and respect than something more realler.

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