So while perusing the forum the past few weeks, I've noticed there have been a ton of replies to some posts put up mainly about bullying and thinking about committing suicide. NO complaints about these posts at all, I'm really glad that they're coming to us, a supportive community, rather than just saying, "alright, no alternatives, time to off myself". But I have so much trouble with responding to these posts for some reason.
Now I realize, at the time of posting this blog I have 77 posts. Not a ton of posts and yes, I'm complaining about not being able to post.
When I was in middle school, it was the first, and really the last time, I ever dealt with a bully. I had a few teachers that didn't care and one ended up sicking an entire class on me (he told them it was all it was okay to beat me up or call me names because I was "sensitive"). One kid even broke my arm and he only got 2 days of suspension after said teacher vouched for him saying I antagonized him (a 75 lb 4'8" kid antagonizing a 130 lb 5'3' kid? I think not!). After that, I never really got bullied again, mainly because I left the school, but anyways.
I know high school is hard. I'm in it. It sucks. I have pretty much zero friends at my school, because all my friends graduated a year before me (no I didn't fail, I skipped a grade and kept going and then when I left my middle school I got pushed back a grade). Yes I deal with the occasional jerkoff at my school, but I never EVER got beaten up my entire freshman year or sophomore year and I will admit, an ass-whupping would have done me some good. I was in band, both of the years previously mentioned, but even after that no one has messed with me and as far as I know, bullying just doesn't really happen in my school because most people just don't care enough.
I mean I totally get the suicide threads. TOTALLY. I'VE BEEN THERE. NOT FUN. I've planned out suicide to a tee several times before. Drawn out plans, gotten supplies, planned times, planned out how for my body to be found, wrote multiple wills, but never went through with it. I GET THAT. But I didn't do it because someone drove me to it or I was stressed out, it was always because I felt emotionally dead on the inside. Yes I was depressed, but I never realized it. I just never felt anything and no one did that to me. I made myself feel that way by withdrawing from people. No one shut me out. I shut them out.
So here's the real issue, I always feel bad about posting on these threads because I feel like I can't relate (with the exception of suicide)NO complaints about the posts or the replies or anything, but for instance with the whole bullying thing, PEOPLE ARE LIEK SERIOUSLY GETTING HURT BY OTHER KIDS! This doesn't happen, repeat DOES NOT happen at my school!!! And I feel so terrible for trying to post on these because when I compare their stories to my experiences, my little time with bullies was a freaking cake walk and I feel like I have to exaggerate even to level with them! Not calling anyone out, but I mean some of these stories are kind of unbelievable (both in the sense of I can't believe that happens and in the sense of WTF that almost sounds like bullshit). I realize it's not BS in any way because of the way these kids post on here asking, almost kind of begging, for advice to help them through this.
Do not get me wrong I totally sympathize with the OPs of these threads, but if I try to post on them, I make myself feel like such a dick. If I've offended anyone I apologize, not my intention to offend, I'm just honestly kind of mixed about the whole thing. I feel like I can never say the right thing to these kids, when they are most vulnerable, without coming off as a careless asshole with a message that says "I went through that crap! It sucked fo sho! It gets better though, just sift past the shit and you'll be fine down the road!" I don't want to be that guy who says "this" and comes off like a prick.
I mean does anyone else feel this way to where they feel like they can't post on these?
Also real quick: Thanks to everyone who does post on these threads. You honestly give me something to shoot for when it comes to being helpful on the forums and giving advice.
To the people that post these threads: I know you've heard it, it gets better. At 14 I planned to kill myself on a weekly basis. Don't even think about it. It's a waste of your time and effort that you could be using to have fun or finding a way to get back at bullies (I suggest pumping some iron and beating the crap out them, or just find a weapon). Join a club, pick up an instrument, pick up women/men/ what it is you want to do, paint, write, do anything to get yourself with a clique or group and do it now while you're still young in your high school career. Harness your teen angst and redirect it into something you enjoy doing. I'm so sorry I don't post on your threads, but I support you guys 100% and I'm always ready to PM.