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Thread: My coming-out tragedy.

  1. #1

    Default My coming-out tragedy.

    I know there's a thread already made for National Coming Out day, but I decided to give this its own thread, because I'm looking for follow-up advice as well. If anyone could help me out, that'd be appreciated...

    It all started when my best friend and I were dating secretly for a few years. My stepmom, the evil two faced bitch of this story, finally asked me if I liked girls. She asked the question in a nonjudgemental manner, so I confided in her that I was a bisexual. She seemed ok with it and even agreed to not tell my father. Two months go by and I'm visiting home from college. She's drinking watching a movie, so I sit down and join her. Randomly, she said "you still think you're bisexual?" I'm taken aback and tell her I don't "think" I am, because I simply AM. She goes and dares to say "You're not bisexual," I get angry because who is she to tell ME what MY sexuality is. She gets angry and starts screaming at me, telling me how sick and wrong I was and how I was going to hell for liking girls. I demand to know what the difference is, and she starts to mock and curse at me, even shoving me into my room and slamming the door, screaming about how I was a sick twisted bitch and how I was a humiliation to her. Now, since I was a preteen, she had tried to control me and make me into a copy of herself, and when I told her that I was me and that she was NOT my mother, she'd do shit like this. Once, when I was 16, I had to be taken from the house because she was drunk and violent because I tried to kill myself earlier that day (I was a "selfish attention-starved bitch" that evening). The next day, funfact, she tried to convince my dad that I planned to kill her (which I WASN'T, and thankfully he didn't believe her). But back to the main point, I finally snapped. I let out a healing scream, threw on my jacket and packed some essentials in my purse and left the room. She demanded to know where I thought I was going. I told her anywhere away from her. She laughs and tells me to get the fuck back in my room. She even grabbed me and tried to throw me back. I had to push her aside and tell her that I was an adult and that she had no legal right to keep me with her. She gives me a final "fuck you!" before I finally slam the door and leave. I trudged about a mile or so in the blistering snowstorm, wondering what the hell I was going to do. I make it to the police station and was picked up for suspicion. I told them in tears what had happened, and they processed me and had me legally sheltered at a friend's house for the night. Then an hour later, my dad calls my cell (after a few nasty voicemails from the bitch) and asks me to explain what happened. He comforted me at first, but the next day he brought me home for a "family discussion". Turns out that my stepmom had warped my story to brainwash my dad to be less understanding. It was two against one, and I was heartbroken...all I did was be myself, and I couldn't understand what I did wrong...finally, I made the decision to move out and live with my friend, a move that they tried to prevent...but I was an adult, after all.

    A few months after this incident, I end up in the hospital. Why? Because after she tried to convince me that I was pathetic, wouldn't amount to anything, and should drop out of college because I'm a "failure", the bitch had convinced my dad that I had betrayed HIM by leaving HIS family for another family. No matter how hard I tried to explain or reason with him, he wouldn't listen and started screaming at me, which I could do nothing about because he was driving me home, and even when I told him to pull over, he screamed a refusal and even grabbed me by the hair when I tried to jump out of the car. Finally, when I make it back home, I freak out, actually falling over and convulsing before I fell into semiconsciousness. The one of the few things I could make out was my friend calling my aunt (my one supporter) and her mom on the phone with 911.

    I was carried off by paramedics as well as my father (he had come back after hearing about the emergency) who was bawling his eyes out after being told that the attack could have killed me (an army veteran as well as a trained Corrections Officer, mind you). I remember the last thing I told him was "I'm sorry", and I vaguely remember him saying "No, this is all my fault...I'm so sorry". I was immediately stripped of my clothing, hooked up to machines and given a strong dose of Ativan. When I came to, the only person in the room was my aunt, who happened to work hospice at the hospital I was admitted to. She had posed as my mom in order to be granted rights to be there. She told me my dad was not allowed in unless I told her it was alright. I remember what he said and allowed him to come in, which he did several moments later (they wouldn't allow him in without calming down, as his hystarics could have triggered another attack). He told me how sorry he was and how he didn't realize what had really been going on, and that things were going to change. Hours later, with convincing from my aunt, the doctors discharged me with a diagnosis of anxiety disorder and a bottle of emergency medications. Although I was happy that my dad agreed to help fix things and stop blaming me, I was a little bitter that it took all this to get him to see...

    He took me shopping the next day for things that I didn't have at my friend's place, and on the way back I told him that none of this was his fault. He told me that he knew I didn't blame him, but he also said "I just hope that soon we can be a family again..." and it disturbed me...after all his fucking wife had done to me, he still wanted to 'be a family'?! Easy for him to say, I thought...she did most of her shit when he was blissfully ignorant at work.
    Now it's been several months since he said that line...and today I still worry about what he meant by that. Is he going to try to get me to move back with that bitch come Christmas break? My friend has moved to West Virginia, so I still have no where to go for Thanksgiving yet. I'm still very frightened by the prospect, and I don't know what to do...I just pray that I figure it out soon...Are there places for people like me that I can go to temporarily for these unwanted school breaks?

  2. #2

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    I dont really know what to say,I mean after reading all that, what you had to go through... Damn I just want to punch your step mom in the face!!! and I cant believe how easily fooled your dad was, like if I was in his situation the most important person to me would be my daughter and take her side.

    Dont you have any other friend you could stay with? Or what about your real mom? or if possible stay at the college?(if you live at any college dorm that is)
    This may be a terrible suggestion but maybe stay at a really cheap motel under thanksgiving, I mean even if its a bad idea you would still not have to see that terrible person who your father is in love with..

  3. #3

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    I am so sorry to learn of the BS you have had to go through, Raimuneko. Your late teens and early twenties should be among the happiest times of your life. For many, it's the first time you get to taste the actual freedom of being out on your own, and to deal with the responsibilities that go along with that freedom. These are the years to ' test the water ' of life, so to speak. It just out-right sucks that those who should love you the most, and who should want to understand your feelings and motives the best, have treated you this way. At the moment, I have no suggestions as to what course of action may be best for you, but I will give it some thought. If I stumble across anything that I think may help you out, I will post my thoughts or suggestions. I do wish you all the best. Please take care of yourself.

  4. #4

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    Ok. What I'm about to say is not suitable for young children, so I'll censor it. Your step mom is a mother f**ing w***e b***h who deserves to f***ing die and rot in a hole for the rest of her goddamn miserable life. Ok, not that that's out of my system, I'm terrible sorry for what you had to go though. No one should ever have to go though what you went though, btw you handled the situation very well.

  5. #5

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    Thank you so much for your thoughts. I really do appreciate people hearing me out on what took me this long to finally talk about, but now that I have I'm glad I made it known to someone other than my therapist.

    1. Mugiwara, funny you should mention my real mom. She estranged from me under the impression that my stepmom would take care of me (another reason I hate the bitch for taking my mom from me). I've been trying to contact her for years. I don't know what I'm going to do for the holidays, though. If I can't find any friends to help me out, I might end up in a shelter or something as I don't have the money for a motel for an entire week, let alone for winter break. You're right, though. It kills me every day that my father practically chose her over me when I was in his life longer...

    2. Fifigal, that's pretty much what my therapist said, which is probably why I have serious trust issues to this day. It's alright that you don't have any advice. Your words and display of understanding were good enough

    3. Benjaminwolf, my sentiment exactly. It kills me to think about it, and it makes me feel like a horrible person, but I seriously think I would, indeed, be happier if she did die. I think the situation played out as it would have. I only wish that I could've done something so that this would've ended before it got this bad...

  6. #6
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    Like everyone else has said, your stepmom sounds like a manipulative drunk, to put it lightly. And your dad sounds like he has some kind of mental disorder. He went from physically and verbally abusing you in the car to apologizing and feeling remorse for what he did. That just seems odd to me, and if I were in your place, I'd feel very guarded against him. To be honest, I would stay as far away as possible from your dad and stepmom; they don't seem to be good influences in your life right now. Why can't you just stay at college for Thanksgiving or winter break?

  7. #7

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    I really wish I could stay on campus...I really do...but our halls close down for breaks, and no one is allowed to stay behind. Also, my guess with my father was that he acted the way he did due to abandonment issues he had with my mom and also because my stepmom manipulated him into believing that I was leaving HIM. Then I think he had that remorse because I almost DIED because of our fight, my guess was it was a natural response. Maybe I'm just overanalyzing the situation, but I hate that bitch every day for taking both of my parents away from me.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by BabyRaimuneko View Post
    He took me shopping the next day for things that I didn't have at my friend's place, and on the way back I told him that none of this was his fault. He told me that he knew I didn't blame him, but he also said "I just hope that soon we can be a family again..." and it disturbed me...after all his fucking wife had done to me, he still wanted to 'be a family'?! Easy for him to say, I thought...she did most of her shit when he was blissfully ignorant at work.
    Now it's been several months since he said that line...and today I still worry about what he meant by that. Is he going to try to get me to move back with that bitch come Christmas break?
    As I don't know you, your family, or your father, take this with a mountainous grain of salt.

    I can't say for sure what he wants. That said, the way I read what he told you is that he realizes HE fucked up, HE crossed the line, and HE regrets what HE did. Not "I'm sorry I reacted so harshly" but "what I did was wrong, and rather fucked up." The former would be something of a cop out whereas the latter is taking full responsibility and admitting he's in the wrong.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by NightFox View Post
    As I don't know you, your family, or your father, take this with a mountainous grain of salt.

    I can't say for sure what he wants. That said, the way I read what he told you is that he realizes HE fucked up, HE crossed the line, and HE regrets what HE did. Not "I'm sorry I reacted so harshly" but "what I did was wrong, and rather fucked up." The former would be something of a cop out whereas the latter is taking full responsibility and admitting he's in the wrong.
    yeah I see where he takes responsibility for his actions, but never acknowledges the step mom's actions as unacceptable. which, to me, would be unacceptable. Don't have any real advice other than, do you have a job? if not get one, save some money up for the holidays and stay in a hotel/motel. Not really the best of suggestions though. Maybe even rent an apartment instead of staying in dorms so you don't have to go home on holidays. Otherwise, just don't engage her. Act as if she isn't there when it is possible (i.e. she is not being physical). Just don't let her pull you into a conversation. You already know she is a lying manipulator, so don't play her game anymore. Let her make herself miserable. I mean really, don't acknowledge her presence. Don't even be cold, just be indifferent to her. Spend time with your dad when he's home, and spend time out of the house when he's not (starbucks, the park, the mall, movies) the holidays aren't that long, you probably wont run out of things to do too quickly.

  10. #10

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