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Thread: Do you find AB/DLs to be judgmental?

  1. #1

    Default Do you find AB/DLs to be judgmental?

    Hi all, i have been a part of this community for a long time now. I don't contribute a lot, however i have noticed something over a long period of time readin posts.

    I find abdls to be pretty judgmental. It strikes me as odd because we all want to be accepted for who we are and yet there are so many times when people are judged even on this forum.

    For example, the people here who want or choose to be 24/7 vs those that don't have a choice. A few incons have said they are offended by others wanting to be incon or bedwetters but i just cannot understand why! In my mind, someone else's lifestyle choice impacts only them and their friends/family, not you. If you don't like a post about someone wanting to be 24/7, why judge them and make them feel bad about it? Just move on and ignore the post if you don't like it.

    Its just one recent example, there are others that i can't think of but i know i've been thinking this for a long time.

    Im not trying to offend anyone with this post i just think its odd that we judge others so harshly sometimes.

    Do you think our community is judgmental as a whole or is it individuals who take things too personally or are not open minded?
    Or am i just way off here and thinking too much over a few rogue posts? Thanks for your time i look forward to a healthy and provocative discussion!

    Sent from my DROIDX

  2. #2

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    I don't think it's just AB/DL's that can be judgmental. I think all people can be at some point in their lives, even if they try hard not to or if they just aren't. I'm not a judgmental person per say, but I sometimes don't agree with other people's choices. I guess the incons wouldn't want to wish their hardships upon another person, and that's perfectly natural, too.

    No community/group is judgmental as a whole (unless it's a group for judgmental assholes, of course!) but in every basket of apples, a few are going to be bad and even the good ones might have a bruise or two.

    I let people live their lives the way they want to, but I think that all people (even I) can be hypocritical and two-faced at times. It just means that you consider the facts of the matter and the feelings of the people at hand.

  3. #3

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    Personally I believe it's a Human Nature thing.

    By the laws of Human Nature - Humanity is judgmental; it's rare to find someone who isn't. And it's pretty much impossible to ever consider a single group of individuals to not be judgmental.

    It's just a fact of life i guess you could say. Sure some people are better than others because they know how to keep their comments to themselves. But naturally 99.8% of the world(ab/dl/bedwetter or not) are going to speak their mind at some point in time. And i doubt you can name a single person that hasn't at least once; judged another person(whether they kept their comments to themselves or not)

    I think the real question is not on "are abdl's as a community judgmental?"; But instead "Do (we) as a community know how to keep our mouths shut when we know what we're about to say(type) might hurt others or cast judgment down upon them?".

    ^_^ Just my random 2cents

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by Shukkume View Post
    I don't think it's just AB/DL's that can be judgmental. I think all people can be at some point in their lives, even if they try hard not to or if they just aren't. I'm not a judgmental person per say, but I sometimes don't agree with other people's choices. I guess the incons wouldn't want to wish their hardships upon another person, and that's perfectly natural, too.

    No community/group is judgmental as a whole (unless it's a group for judgmental assholes, of course!) but in every basket of apples, a few are going to be bad and even the good ones might have a bruise or two.

    I let people live their lives the way they want to, but I think that all people (even I) can be hypocritical and two-faced at times. It just means that you consider the facts of the matter and the feelings of the people at hand.
    That was a very thoughtful post, thank you! I think you're absolutely right, even trying to be non-judgmental we are only human and its bound to happen once in a while. I guess i just hate to see people walk away from a support group/forum like adisc feeling like they did/thought something "wrong". I want people to be supportive of each other :-)

    Sent from my DROIDX

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cradyn View Post
    Personally I believe it's a Human Nature thing.

    By the laws of Human Nature - Humanity is judgmental; it's rare to find someone who isn't. And it's pretty much impossible to ever consider a single group of individuals to not be judgmental.

    It's just a fact of life i guess you could say. Sure some people are better than others because they know how to keep their comments to themselves. But naturally 99.8% of the world(ab/dl/bedwetter or not) are going to speak their mind at some point in time. And i doubt you can name a single person that hasn't at least once; judged another person(whether they kept their comments to themselves or not)

    I think the real question is not on "are abdl's as a community judgmental?"; But instead "Do (we) as a community know how to keep our mouths shut when we know what we're about to say(type) might hurt others or cast judgment down upon them?".

    ^_^ Just my random 2cents
    I agree! Human nature is what it is and we are all guilty to.an extent of being hurtful. So maybe the lesson learned really is, think before you speak?

    Sent from my DROIDX

  6. #6

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    My take on it is that people that are IC can be compared to someone in a wheel chair. It is a handicap for many people that have no choice but to wear 24/7. For most of them I would think would kill to have a choice in the matter. So it would be like saying I am going to get paralyzed just so I can tool around in a wheel chair. So they just cannot grasp the concept of people who would choose to go this route. I myself often feel ashamed wearing them when I do not have the need to all the time. So I think there gripe is just out of frustration rather than being open minded. At the least what they could offer is a pro & con list for people who are bent on wanting this disability & then just let them make there own decisions.

  7. #7

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    Don't judge an entire group to be one way, its always an individual choice to be want they want to, and if that's judgmental that's the individuals decision.

  8. #8

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    Honestly we are all individuals being classed as a group and being accused of it as a group isnt quite right, cause I could be a tb/dl and also be a crazy man eating killer......but that doesnt mean everyone else is

    I personally am not judgmental on race sex money orientation and everything else really the only thing I would say im judgmental about is religion but only because some of them (not going to mention names) are anti-gay judgmentalist who have their heads so far up their butts that they are limited to such a small horizon on views because they can only see themselves :P

    but as far as everyone else is concerned im sure that they disagree and have different views....remember we all cant be crazy psychopathic man eating killers like myself (doesnt it make you wonder though :P)

  9. #9

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    I don't think AB/DLs are that judgemental. With the example you give most of the time its people trying to give them advice on it. Often times it is good advice, and based on numerous threads and feelings in the past (i.e. with wearing 24/7, not everyone thinks it all the way through). The bigger issue, at least here (from what I've seen), is some people who have been here for a long time get more and more "agressive" (for lack of a better word) towards certain threads. Especially when there is threads like it every few weeks. Basically it seems some members (not all of course) lose their "tact" when dealing with the original poster.

  10. #10

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    I have to say, I don't think ABs are judgemental as a group at all. I think there are a few people who are over judgemental, but that that comes with any group of people.

    I hardly think you can say that people who suffer from a disability, being offended that someone wants to become that way, is judgemental.

    Think on these statements:

    - I want to become blind so I can wear glasses
    - I want to become paralysed so I can use a wheelchair
    - I want to become incontinent so I can wear diapers

    As far as I'm concerned these are all exactly the same, deliberately harming yourself to get away with doing something you can do without being harmed. What's stopping you wearing glasses with clear lenses? Why can't you just have a shot in a wheelchair? Why not just wear diapers without needing them?

    I think people are well within their right to be offended by people saying something like that, and that doesn't make them judgemental, that makes them perfectly sane. If someone said to me they wanted to do any of the above things with seriousness I'd worry for their mental sanity. As someone who's been in a wheelchair I'd be slightly offended, and assure you it's not all it's cracked up to be!

    It hardly makes people judgemental. At the end of the day, people on this forum are just that: on a forum! If their judgement means that much to you, then perhaps you need to look at taking a break from the internet. People will always have opinions, but I find it best to only let the opinions of those who really mean something to you affect you, so I'd hope that wouldn't be 100+ people you've never met and never will from an online forum.

    *Disclaimer: I'm not saying people can't have a full and meaningful relationship/friendship online, so please let's not derail the topic to include that,I'm merely saying that if a handful of people online who don't affect you from an online forum are judging you then... well... so be it, it's your life so fuck 'em!*

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