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Thread: Confess

  1. #1

    Default Confess

    I have so much to confess for. So much emotion and feelings inside. I feel very lost and have no idea what I'm doing anymore. I don't know if this is the right place for this, but I feel like I need to just vent and rant to somebody. In the past few weeks this place has helped me open myself to more people. As offline I'm very shut about my feelings. I feel very uneasy about everything. I'm keeping my cool and not panicking, but I feel distressed. Can any of you help me out?

  2. #2


    It's always hard to just throw out a cry of help out there. That takes a lot of guts to do. It's good that you admit to having a problem. You shouldn't give up on finding some way to open up your feelings offline though. Have you really tried speaking to a counselor yet? I don't know your story but I feel that I respond to stress almost the same way. I'm not on the chat room that often but I wouldn't mind doing a back and forth PM conversation with you if you want a pen pal to vent with.

  3. #3


    I'm sure of one thing. If you want to say something, we will listen. There's lots of us here who will try to help if we can, but we can only give advice on what you are willing to tell us about. Keep in mind though that ultimately it will be up to you to decide what advice if any you want to take.

    Something else to keep in mind, and this is a bit double-edged: We humans have a habit of letting negative thoughts spiral out of control, so problems seem larger to us than they really are. This can be double-edged because on the one hand, if you tell us about something, it may become obvious that you were all worried about nothing; on the other hand, you may be worried about something that is a big deal, but if no one else really knows all the background, they may not take it seriously (or at least not seriously enough).

    So, by all means, if you are willing to tell us, I'm sure we'll try to help. Just don't get browned off if someone doesn't seem to be taking things as seriously as you think they should. Like I said, they may not understand, but also, to quote a great philosopher: "Don't take life so serious, son; it ain't nohow permanent".

  4. #4


    Well let's start with the stress of keeping my newly found "interest" of DL a secret. This is something I have come to terms with keeping to myself. I don't ask others to tell me what drives them. I thought after high school all this drama bullshit would go away. I'm doing very well in college and keeping an over 3.0 (I'm like a B student) and I have made friends in my last few semesters. I'm a long way from getting more personal, but that takes time. I'm still pissed about the backstabbing from people I though were friends. People I let in my house, gave them my food and drove them in my car, never once asking for gas money since I'm a very nice person. The shell shock of it has really broken my trust issues I already had thanks to the girls that fucked with me. Fucking cockteazing me into what would be my first date to only get a dagger. I guess it didn't help that at the time I was a smoker. I did quit, but shit it can be hard keeping myself from buying a pack, though I have the strange to stay away. Being that I'm always scared to vent out and cry for help. I always come off as a really strong person. I always seem happy and joke around. I act like a smartass when at home since it never really bothers my patents. It's just my joking happy ways. I can't break that. I can't kill that for myself or for them. So I'll put on a mask and act happy when I'm not. I truly am a smartass, so it's more of a half-mask. I was alwasy far from being cool. Bullied in so many ways when I was much younger (13-15) Words I don't think I can repeat here were said every day. I wanted to die. I almost killed myself 3 times. I was given help for a few years till the thoughts were gone. I stated to cut in 11th grade wcuz A) girls were fucking with me or I could never get them B) Was so scared to open to anybody. Even my best friend. I was just so scared to vent out. C) It replaced smoking. I just suppressed it all cut and this feeling would grow in my belly that felt really good It was like all my pain was gone....for a little bit.... Around me people that were close to me were dying and I never once cried. I have not cried in almost 6 years. I just can never break down and cry. And now who the hell am I? I have no idea what I'm doing with my life. I think of gong into the Air-Force after college, but I don't know if I'm right for that. I'm starting to think I'm bipolar with the way my mood will swing. I'm also starting to question my sexuality. I like woman. I like thinking about them and everything that has to do with them ( you know what I mean.) The idea of being with a girl, holding hands, kissing and such all makes me happy inside, but then sometimes I get other thoughts. I have not cut since high school. Something I had to quit on my own. I had the willpower to give it up. I in the past week have been starting to think I might be Bi. I don't wanna just say "I'm Bi now!" cuz idk if I really am or not. All of what I just said about girls, if I replace it with boys it makes he shutter and I don't like the idea of it BUT I sometimes find myself admitting that a boy looks cute or something like that. I said in a thread that I play guitar in a small café. When playing and looking out I not only see girls I find hot, or cute ( most of the time the punk/goth and even emo girls) I might see a boy and think he is cute, but once again when I think about it the way I think about being with a girl I don't like that idea. I don't tick myself into saying "no that's so gay I'm not like that hahaha" oh no I have put a lot of deep thought into this shit. I don't think I can imagine dating once since I have never dated anybody and I don't know what it's like. That is the big issue for me right now. I don't know who I am and I spend my nights in my room alone playing video games. And then people have issues with me doing that too. I feel a lot better....well a little not like It's any more off my mind now.
    How I forgot to add this idk. I'm also finding that I kinda like the idea of cross-dressing. I made a skirt oit of old cloth and put it on. I felt really embarrassed for myself. I mean idk I'm young and I guess it's normal to do this? Not like I would ever ask or dare tell a friend about it......I hate myself.
    Last edited by Chimaira; 05-Oct-2010 at 07:37.

  5. #5


    Wow, that's quite the Wall-O-Text there.

    Anyway, thanks for being willing to tell us that. Life can be a bitch sometimes. Don't get too wound up about how some people treat you. There are millions of assholes in the world, and you will never be totally free of them. The best thing to do is learn to recognize users and avoid them. Chalk your bad experiences up to the fact that you are a better person than those who used you, and not to them playing you. I myself am probably way more trusting and generous than I should be, and people like that get taken advantage of sometimes. Once you learn to spot the people who just want to take advantage of you, it becomes much easier to stop them.

    I can't offer much more on the emotional problems you've had, except to offer the words of one of the great philosophers of the 20th century, who inadvertently summed up one of the great eastern works of literature (the Bhagavadgita) in one sentence: "Don't take life so serious, son. It ain't nohow permanent".

    As for crossdressing and whether or not you're bi; very few people do not have at least a little homosexuality in their personality whether they admit it or not. I'm totally straight, and have no interest in being in a relationship with a man, but I can still appreciate that some men are more handsome than others. I know that many women do the same thing WRT other women. If you find some men more attractive than others, then so what? Don't try to deal with the huge concept of whether or not you're homosexual until it actually comes up; just analyze your current feelings, don't make them more than they are. For crossdressing, again, so what? I wear a kilt sometimes (Utilikilt FTW). We both like to wear diapers. How is that not as bad as liking women's clothing?

    I sometimes find it useful to ask myself whether or not anyone will care in 50 years about something I did. Odds are, probably not. In fact, odds are, no one cares about what I'm doing now, not really. So much of what we do every day seems so monumental to us, and yet when looked at from another perspective, those same issues seem trivial. Being on the upper end of being a teen, you're coming out of the time in your life when every problem seems insurmountable to you, and in a general sense, you are just one among millions who feel that way. It gets better. As for the Air Force, why not? It might be helpful. If you're lucky, you'll even end up in your own room, so you'll have almost total autonomy, and can even wear when you're off-duty (lock the door, and make sure your stash is in the personal part of your locker, where it won't be found). I went into the Army after high school, as a musician. I was sent to Saudi Arabia as part of desert storm, and after that, no matter how bad things get, I can always say to myself "at least I'm not living in a tent in the desert in 50C heat with an enemy army lobbing missiles at me".

  6. #6


    I never really saw anything we do in our lives as really important. In 200 years we'll all be dead and forgotten, unless we really do something amazing like end a war ( hmmm =-D ) I more or less made a kilt really.And the more I think about it on a clear mind the more I think it's more of I hate double standers. A girl puts my pants on so what. I put her pants on and I'm gay -_- I thought about putting "sissy" in my profile, but really I don't think I am one. shirts, pants and skirts seem to be the only thing I even give a damn about really. Maybe it was a phase since I can't even remember the last time I looked at the damn thing. And yeah a bad day here sure beats a good day in the middle east. Sometimes when I get like this and think way to much and over think stuff that would normally mean nothing and only be in my head for a little. And I'll put more thought into my sexuality. Who knows I might get a song out of this all.
    I'm feeling less stressed today , so that's a plus and had way to much work to do that I never had a chance to even think about myself or anything.
    "We both like to wear diapers. How is that not as bad as liking women's clothing?" I never thought about that part >//< I would still never give up being a guy =D
    Maybe I just like to act out as if I'm not the same person? IDk, I'm 18 and have ways to go, so will see I guess. Thanks for the help buddy, I'm going to get some sleep since I only had 2 hours last night. See yah around.

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