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Thread: Confused on what to do

  1. #1

    Default Confused on what to do

    I know i don't really post that much but.... Im just lost on what to do here

    I started playing Soccer again this year and on my team i met this guy. I'm not sure if he is Gay or Straight because he's not out of the closet and neither am I. So if he feels the same way i wouldn't know because he's probably in the same spot i'm in if he is gay. I would love to ask him out but i can't for two reasons.

    1.If i took the giant leap to ask him out and he did say yes our relation ship would have to be secret due to us both still being in the closet and that would be way to stressful.

    2.If he isn't gay and he says no then he might start telling people i asked him out destroying half of my social life and being ridiculed by my peers for the next couple years...

    I just can't get him off my mind and I try and try to stop but i can't i just can't it just makes me want to SCREAM.Also on top of this my Dad just moved back in and it's just adding more stress on top with all this stuff going through my head.

    God this is the first time i have been so open with just complete strangers to me and its just i have really no idea what to do and its really starting to bug me.

    So if anyone has any helpful advice it would be welcomed.

  2. #2


    I don't know if this is helpful or not but I'd think the deciding factor is how important is it that you remain closeted? You can do a bit of detective work and all and maybe you can have a greater confidence that he is or isn't gay but in the end someone is going to have to stick their neck out to get anywhere, since even if you could confirm his gayness you don't really know how he would react to your interest. I'm sorry this is such a complicated thing. Love and relationships are trouble enough without thinking you have to hide it.

  3. #3


    Quote Originally Posted by Yarfiggle View Post
    I know i don't really post that much but.... Im just lost on what to do here
    Look at topics that interest you, read the posts then reply with your thoughts. You don't have to read any topic you don't want to though and you don't have to respond either. But sometimes it feels good to let your thoughts openly fly on adisc and gather reflection from other members.

  4. #4


    I would recommend asking him out, not on a date, mind you, but simply as a friend. Something like "Hey, you want to grab a couple slices of pizza after practice?" or something like that. Get to know him more.

  5. #5


    I say either go with Hinkies idea or maybe find an intelligent non offencive/standout way to find out if hes actually gay or not because then you can actually ask him out if he says yes lol. Either way, i mean it all depends on the situation and your feelings, i mean we can come up with ideas but what it really comes down to is your own personal position and how well you really know him.

  6. #6


    Definately be his FRIEND first. Ask him to hang out with you, maybe loiter the mall or something. After he gets comfortable, he might confide in you if he's indeed gay. At that time, you can confide in him as well...and then who knows what will happen? Yes, it will take time, but what is meant to be shall be. Good luck

  7. #7


    alas if there were a true gaydar as it were, but the mainstream idea here is good, ask him out as a friend if he is remotely interested either to be a fried or perhaps more then he will say yes, if he says no or makes no effort then he is either too scared or doesnt want to pursue anything.

    But this will take some time you will have to develop a relationship from the ground up if you have just met they guy, so good luck

  8. #8


    I've got to agree with all the above. When in college I met someone who drove me absolutely crazy, and I did just that. We became best friends and did almost everything together, everything but that...sigh. He was straight, but he did offer himself one night. I had came out to him and I think he was curious as to what it would be like. But then the light dawned. His friendship had become more important to me than the sex and I was afraid that if I did "that", our friendship would never be the same. That's what I told him and he respected me for it.

    The relationship was incredibly painful for me, however, and one day I tried to drown myself. So you have to try to find some balance. My feeling is that it is better to have loved and enjoyed someone's friendship, than to never have gotten close. With many relationships come pain, but there is so much joy in being with that special other.

  9. #9


    Sometimes things like love don't even seem worth it. -_- It's not worth the pain...for me at lest.

  10. #10


    Well update, I have been becoming better friends with him but i'm only doing it at practice and when I see him in the halls because going to the mall or getting a slice pizza is just not the norm for what I do and stuff but its a work in progress.

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