First a little back story. Last weekend, I got to spend some time with my boyfriend, and later in the evening we were going to go out with some of my other friends. As the time grew closer, he decided he didn't want to go. the issue here is my friends were expecting us, we had reservations at a restaurant. Since I do everything possible to keep my word, I told him I was going to attend anyway, although I really was hoping he'd come anyway.
Tonight I got a call from him with the 'we need to talk' tone. He was being a bit evasive, but I managed to get him to talk about what was bothering him even though I was out with friends. Essentially he feels I don't put forth enough effort for our relationship, nor do am I willing to adjust my schedule to spend time with him. Frequently I make plans and go off to do my own thing.
Our conversation dealt with the fact that he mostly has Friday evenings, and Saturdays, and at a minimum, one of those should be devoted to alone time. I have no issue with this, in fact I would like to spend more time with him. I love about 45 minutes from his house, and it isn't a fun drive. Further, I'm an active person which means I spend as little time as possible sitting in front of the TV. I think TV is a huge waste of time. Also, since I work with computers, i spend 12+ hours a day in front of one, and the last thing i want to do is plant myself in front of a TV.
Because of the demands of our jobs, we rarely get a weekend along together unless we leave town. I am a workaholic, and there is always a laundry list of things I should be getting done. He is a teacher/owner of a private school, and his partner doesn't seem able to do things on her own. I'm not going to get into the middle of that, nor pass judgement, but I often feel she is jealous of the time we spend together.
He has only once come to my house, and really it wasn't a great experience. He didn't approve of my place, and spent a fair amount of time picking on it, and me. I have a file server in my living room because I can't stand to have another system upstairs in the office. There is a large hole in my ceiling because my landlord refuses to fix anything. the place isn't the cleanest, nor it is decorated. I have artwork sitting in the corner, and have no intention of hanging it up because my landlord would throw a fit about putting holes in the walls. Essentially, my place isn't one that I can entertain.
He has a roommate, and doesn't feel his place works for us being close because he feels uncomfortable. He also said he doesn't feel comfortable expressing affection in public. I'm not talking about crawling all over each other, but simple things that many newly married couples do.
Our conversation is likely to continue during our scheduled alone time this weekend. Having to schedule time with each other just seems wrong to me, and he clearly doesn't like spontaneity of any kind. i'm not sure what to do here. simply, our political views are opposites. i'm fairly active, while he is content to spend the evening on the couch. He wants to have sex whenever we're alone. I honestly don't really care about the sex. Yes, its fun, but I go with it because it makes him happy. I just want someone to spend time with, be close to, and someone i can have a conversation with.
Now that I'm done rambling, I find myself wondering if this is just a bump in the road, did I do something, or a series of somethings that killed out relationship, or am i kidding myself to think that two people so opposed could have a lasting long term relationship? I'm not saying we're done, but these are things that need to be sorted out or we will be done.