I have basically been obsessed with this girl for 3 years now. I'll give you some background on the "case at hand" here. I became friends with her in 8th grade and everything was good and normal. Come 9th grade I got really depressed and suicidal. She was there as someone i could talk to about what I was feeling and was the only friend I had that wasn't continuously calling me "A fucking looser" or a "Fag" or "Dumb ass". She also wasn't telling me everyday of my life that "I should kill myself b/c no one likes me". She was supportive of me and tried to talk things through with me and just be a good friend, hell..she even offered to walk up with me to a girl that I liked at the time to give me more confidence in talking to her, lol.
On comes 10th grade and I start to develop very strong feelings for her. I just simply got too weird for her. I was never sexually attracted to her, I just really really "loved" her and everything that she represented to me, which was kindness, friendliness, and "life". I just keep basically creeping on her myspace, always wanting to talk to her. When I did talk to her I would get really nervous
and when I managed to squeze out a small conversation it always consisted of
"Hey, how are you"?
her: "good and you"?
me: "fine, well...see ya"
every single day...she just got bored with me in person, then in private(myspace messages) I would dron on and on about how miserable I was, etc.
One day she just snapped and told me to back off and stop talking to her.
Fast forward to Junior year. Her and I are friends again and better than ever. Junior year was the one time I wasn't depressed or weird, I was a "normal" teenager, I think this feeling of normality came when I started to get a more concrete job. I didn't hang out with friends on weekends and what not, or party, but I took many forms of leadership, starting a successful internet learning program at school, working, and starting a company.
The summer of Senior year I told this girl about my diaper fetish and my desire to "play baby" and she was so accepting of it, we talked on AIM for 22 pages when copy and pasted into word about the subject! I felt so wonderful and loved.
Senior goes by and we were great friends. I thought she was mad at me or upset with me half way through, so I didn't talk to her much, but then we started to talk a lot again.
Finally in our Alumni summer her, a guy named ryan, my sister, and I finally hung outside of school together this was something I had wanted to happen for 2 years. She told me when I dropped her off at her house that she wants me to come visit her when she is in college this year, she said this in a playful threatening way and then hugged me.
It is not almost a month in college and I am trying my best to stay in contact with her. We chat on Facebook a bit and when ever I bring up the topic of visiting her, she relpys with a or or something expressing happiness. However, she will never returned any voicemails i leave her, and will rarely respond to my message son facebook. I am trying to figure out if she is trying to gently put me down and say "stay away from me" again, or if she really wants to stay friends.
So, basically this girl to me represents the only time I was happy in the last 4 years. She represents happiness, love, acceptance, and friendship. When ever I see her on facebook I get a feeling in my gut like I am going to throw up. I will read everything that she has recently posted and all her new friends that she posts about. I will then fill my head with things like "She doesn't care", "She wishes I never came into her life" and things of that sort.
I am clearly obsessed with this girl. I thought I was over her in Junior year, but it was just hiding. I have talked to my psych. about her extensively and about obsession, how ever I don't think I will be going to get help anymore, since I essentially work 7 days a week and my schedule is too packed to go to a doctor.
This obsession is really bad, right? How do I get over her? should I talk to her about this? She I cut off all contact entirely with her? Should I hurt myself everytime I think about her? How do I get rid of this obsession, or at least control it so that I can still be friends with her and keep it in a healthy balance?
Has anyone else been in some situation similar to mine?