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Thread: Obsession?

  1. #1

    Default Obsession?

    I have basically been obsessed with this girl for 3 years now. I'll give you some background on the "case at hand" here. I became friends with her in 8th grade and everything was good and normal. Come 9th grade I got really depressed and suicidal. She was there as someone i could talk to about what I was feeling and was the only friend I had that wasn't continuously calling me "A fucking looser" or a "Fag" or "Dumb ass". She also wasn't telling me everyday of my life that "I should kill myself b/c no one likes me". She was supportive of me and tried to talk things through with me and just be a good friend, hell..she even offered to walk up with me to a girl that I liked at the time to give me more confidence in talking to her, lol.

    On comes 10th grade and I start to develop very strong feelings for her. I just simply got too weird for her. I was never sexually attracted to her, I just really really "loved" her and everything that she represented to me, which was kindness, friendliness, and "life". I just keep basically creeping on her myspace, always wanting to talk to her. When I did talk to her I would get really nervous
    and when I managed to squeze out a small conversation it always consisted of

    "Hey, how are you"?
    her: "good and you"?
    me: "fine, well...see ya"

    every single day...she just got bored with me in person, then in private(myspace messages) I would dron on and on about how miserable I was, etc.

    One day she just snapped and told me to back off and stop talking to her.

    Fast forward to Junior year. Her and I are friends again and better than ever. Junior year was the one time I wasn't depressed or weird, I was a "normal" teenager, I think this feeling of normality came when I started to get a more concrete job. I didn't hang out with friends on weekends and what not, or party, but I took many forms of leadership, starting a successful internet learning program at school, working, and starting a company.

    The summer of Senior year I told this girl about my diaper fetish and my desire to "play baby" and she was so accepting of it, we talked on AIM for 22 pages when copy and pasted into word about the subject! I felt so wonderful and loved.

    Senior goes by and we were great friends. I thought she was mad at me or upset with me half way through, so I didn't talk to her much, but then we started to talk a lot again.

    Finally in our Alumni summer her, a guy named ryan, my sister, and I finally hung outside of school together this was something I had wanted to happen for 2 years. She told me when I dropped her off at her house that she wants me to come visit her when she is in college this year, she said this in a playful threatening way and then hugged me.

    It is not almost a month in college and I am trying my best to stay in contact with her. We chat on Facebook a bit and when ever I bring up the topic of visiting her, she relpys with a or or something expressing happiness. However, she will never returned any voicemails i leave her, and will rarely respond to my message son facebook. I am trying to figure out if she is trying to gently put me down and say "stay away from me" again, or if she really wants to stay friends.

    So, basically this girl to me represents the only time I was happy in the last 4 years. She represents happiness, love, acceptance, and friendship. When ever I see her on facebook I get a feeling in my gut like I am going to throw up. I will read everything that she has recently posted and all her new friends that she posts about. I will then fill my head with things like "She doesn't care", "She wishes I never came into her life" and things of that sort.

    I am clearly obsessed with this girl. I thought I was over her in Junior year, but it was just hiding. I have talked to my psych. about her extensively and about obsession, how ever I don't think I will be going to get help anymore, since I essentially work 7 days a week and my schedule is too packed to go to a doctor.

    This obsession is really bad, right? How do I get over her? should I talk to her about this? She I cut off all contact entirely with her? Should I hurt myself everytime I think about her? How do I get rid of this obsession, or at least control it so that I can still be friends with her and keep it in a healthy balance?

    Has anyone else been in some situation similar to mine?

  2. #2

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    [I skimmed cause I don't like reading..tell me if I missed somthing]
    based on my experience
    girls+boy=hormone thing
    like this cute friend I have I just want to share my fetish with,but she dosen't wanna and stuff,but i'm obsessed with the idea
    and this other girl I saw I was talking too non stop IN front of her BF [who was my cousin] but she was cute and stuff

    I think "obsesion" relating to girls is normal..I just write it off as hormones
    that's just me,so yeah ^-^

  3. #3

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    Too long, didn't read.

    If you are asking if you're obsessed, I'd wager the answer is, "yes. Most likely in an unhealthy and destructive way."

    If you're asking if it's healthy to be obsessed, the answer is, "nope, but you'll do it anyway so you may as well not think about it too much."

    If you're asking something else, I'm sure this will appear in your previous threads.

    Bottom line: if you are IRL how you are here, you are not in a state of readiness for an intimate relationship with anyone. You have a lot of work to do on yourself first, then you can start looking at people and thinking about relationships.

    Besides, aren't you busy with "making a million dollars?" If not this, then your schedule is probably a good thing for you, as it may help keep you away and out of situations like this.

  4. #4

    Default

    I took the time to read it. H3g3l is right in that you are not ready for a mature relationship with her. I would definitely continue to see your therapist, because they can be a mirror for you, seeing your pluses, but also the things you need to work on. I'm assuming that as she is making new friends and posting about it on Facebook, she also is not talking about you. I don't mean to point out something that is going to be painful, but if she was into you, she would be talking about you on Facebook.

    If it helps any, when I was in high school, I was dating a girl very seriously. We were in love and intimate. But when we went to college, different schools, it didn't take very long and she broke up with me. I was very upset, to say the least, and eventually joined the other team for four years. So yes, the break up was painful. There are many painful things that happen to us. Right now, you need to concentrate on you. Think about how you come across to others. I'm sure you are a much more, mature and confident person than you were three years ago. Appreciate who you are, and don't try to push yourself on others. If you are comfortable with yourself, others will come to you. Develop the things you do well, and re-evaluate the things that you might do which irritate others. Life is a growing process, and we all change. Try to grow in positive directions.

  5. #5

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    @novakidx: It may be hormones, however I usually think of hormones + teens + boys and girls + "I want sex, NOW!!! That was not the case with this girl, but I do see what you are trying to say.

    @h3g3l: Sorry for the long post, I looked over that and was like "woah". Anyways, Here I am more open about my problems and feelings, IRL I bottle stuff up and don't talk about it. Most of the time I post here I am terribly miserable and seeking help and venting my sadness, anger, etc. I am an okay guy IRL, but have many problems. I am friendly and approachable, but socializing is hard for me. It is hard for me to open up I suppose. When I do open up and someone takes an interest in me, I get really attached to that person.

    Yes, money is a huge thing for me. It is a comfort thing for me. It is like how diapers and what not are a comfort thing for many of us here. I use money and business and power to comfort myself and to make me feel better about myself in not being loved like many teens are and for having chosen bad friends in my life.

    ---------- Post added at 02:41 AM ---------- Previous post was at 02:35 AM ----------



    Quote Originally Posted by dogboy View Post
    I took the time to read it. H3g3l is right in that you are not ready for a mature relationship with her. I would definitely continue to see your therapist, because they can be a mirror for you, seeing your pluses, but also the things you need to work on. I'm assuming that as she is making new friends and posting about it on Facebook, she also is not talking about you. I don't mean to point out something that is going to be painful, but if she was into you, she would be talking about you on Facebook.

    If it helps any, when I was in high school, I was dating a girl very seriously. We were in love and intimate. But when we went to college, different schools, it didn't take very long and she broke up with me. I was very upset, to say the least, and eventually joined the other team for four years. So yes, the break up was painful. There are many painful things that happen to us. Right now, you need to concentrate on you. Think about how you come across to others. I'm sure you are a much more, mature and confident person than you were three years ago. Appreciate who you are, and don't try to push yourself on others. If you are comfortable with yourself, others will come to you. Develop the things you do well, and re-evaluate the things that you might do which irritate others. Life is a growing process, and we all change. Try to grow in positive directions.
    I don't want a relationship with her, an intimate one if that is what you are getting at. I just want to stay friends with her. She will sometimes talk to me, but it is not very "personalized" she responds with simple yes/no responses and asks generic questions. I guess that is a plus about facebook, I can get a real sense as to what her opinion is about me.

    I try to better myself each day and to some degree it works. I am much more confident now than I was 3 years ago, I owe that to working and the people I work with. Heck...working has given me more confidence in myself than ever before and people have more confidence in me now. Heck, I was put in charge of our web design program and marketing program and I got to fire some one who is 3 times older than me, which was a confidence builder.
    Like I said I try to better myself each day, not dwell on the past, etc. But I would like to sort this situation out, I think when I get a clear idea of what is happening here I will feel better off as a person.

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by dogboy View Post
    I took the time to read it. H3g3l is right in that you are not ready for a mature relationship with her. I would definitely continue to see your therapist, because they can be a mirror for you, seeing your pluses, but also the things you need to work on. I'm assuming that as she is making new friends and posting about it on Facebook, she also is not talking about you. I don't mean to point out something that is going to be painful, but if she was into you, she would be talking about you on Facebook.

    If it helps any, when I was in high school, I was dating a girl very seriously. We were in love and intimate. But when we went to college, different schools, it didn't take very long and she broke up with me. I was very upset, to say the least, and eventually joined the other team for four years. So yes, the break up was painful. There are many painful things that happen to us. Right now, you need to concentrate on you. Think about how you come across to others. I'm sure you are a much more, mature and confident person than you were three years ago. Appreciate who you are, and don't try to push yourself on others. If you are comfortable with yourself, others will come to you. Develop the things you do well, and re-evaluate the things that you might do which irritate others. Life is a growing process, and we all change. Try to grow in positive directions.
    Thanks, dogboy. I worry in light of the fact that diaperedteenager has many posts about anxiety with girls:
    1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10

    general anxiety:
    1, 2 (though I understand this one), 3, 4, 5, 6

    marked social anxiety/disconnection:
    1, 2, ("Letter or Night Out" thread), 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11

    and seems fixated on the wrong things at times:
    1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

    diaperedteenager, I'm not pointing these things out to beat you up, but to give you something to look back on and think about. Best of luck, and do not focus on girls or money at this point. Try to be functional and see how you do at school/work for the time being; this is a plenty big enough task for now.

  7. #7

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    I hear you DT. Sometimes people just move on, and that often happens in college. There are so many things to do, study, projects, meeting different people. It's a time for great personal changes. I came out a very different person than the one that went in. You may just have to let her go. I was very attached to my room mate, and we are still friends. He, beside my wife, is the only person I've told about my adult baby side. It took a lot of courage, though I knew he would always accept me.

    You may reestablish a social relationship with this girl, and then it might not happen. Remember that you should be growing your life and circle of friends where you now are. I wish you well with that, especially since you said you are shy. My other question for you is, have you been diagnosed as Borderline Personality Disorder. I ask because I was when I was in college. You said that you tend to emotionally attach yourself to one very good friend. I did the exact same thing, which in college, was my room mate. We still are best friends, so there's nothing wrong with that, but you have to have balance in the relationship, being able to let the other person have their own time and personal space. Everyone needs that, so don't feel like they are shunning you. It's just natural for people to want to spend time with others as well as you.

    The problem with being Borderline, is that it can be self destructive, and depression accompanies it. This is why I hope you will stay with your counselor. We all need someone who is there for us. Most of us marry, and our spouse becomes that person. Others find that special person. Hopefully that will happen for you.

  8. #8

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    h3g3l thanks for providing the thread, I can be very annoying...but I know that wasn't what you were getting at, and I thank you for providing the links.

    dogboy, I have looked at BPD and think that it really does apply to me. I want to stay with my doctor, but it will be hard to make that work with my schedule, so i may have to let that go. But I am glad to hear that you had a similar case like mine. How did you combat your BPD and obsession?

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by diaperedteenager View Post
    h3g3l thanks for providing the thread, I can be very annoying...but I know that wasn't what you were getting at, and I thank you for providing the links.

    dogboy, I have looked at BPD and think that it really does apply to me. I want to stay with my doctor, but it will be hard to make that work with my schedule, so i may have to let that go. But I am glad to hear that you had a similar case like mine. How did you combat your BPD and obsession?
    The fact that you are concerned about fitting a doctor into your schedule is very telling. I urge you to prioritize your own health, both physical and mental, over any other academic, lifestyle, or other priorities. These are things that can be put on hold, and resumed later, but this is something that you need to prioritize ove other things.

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by hinkie View Post
    The fact that you are concerned about fitting a doctor into your schedule is very telling. I urge you to prioritize your own health, both physical and mental, over any other academic, lifestyle, or other priorities. These are things that can be put on hold, and resumed later, but this is something that you need to prioritize ove other things.
    If I were to quit school and quite my jobs to everyone around me I would look like the biggest quitter, pussy, looser, etc around. To quit for no reason would make others look so far down on me. If anyone thing would kill me, this would be it, there is no doubt in my mind that I would kill myself if I were to choose this course of action. What a pointless waste of life I would be if I were to just drop everything and drop the people that rely on me to purse my own medical concerns, that if anything would be so extremely selfish and self centered. I don't meant to be mean to you or put you down, however this is not an option for me at all.

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