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Thread: Do you ever wonder what you're living for?

  1. #1

    Default Do you ever wonder what you're living for?

    I have no idea if a thread on this topic has already been posted - during a brief check before I found no matches, although the phrasing is a little generic. In either case, i'm not in the right mindset nor have sufficient concentration to be able to check fully. If it is somewhat duplicated, I apologise.

    Anyway, moving on..

    Recently, i've been wondering what I am living for, as it seems that despite my best attempts at correcting mistakes of the past, somethings are just coming back to haunt me, other people are causing me problems, and/or factors of my life (i.e. medical conditions and similar) are affecting me, completely beyond my control.

    Within the last year my relationship with my previous boyfriend ended, and not in a manner I would have wished for. Whilst we no longer live together, we are still on speaking terms, although I always get the impression that there is an air of apprehension involved, which I guess is inevitable oweing to the circumstances involved.

    Nevertheless, despite his (and certain other persons) opinions that things would never change, I decided they would, and quickly, as my hand was forced in speed terms, having been given two months to vacate where I was living, and with little known options for finding someone to share with (I do not have enough of an income to get my own place).

    So I did that, which surprised me, i.e. actually find somewhere else to live, and someone to share with, in a location within walking distance to the town centre, a property with an excellent amount of space and facilities (each of us has our own bathroom, and there is a separate office area), and what is virtually a house in terms of size (although legally it's an apartment), managed to actually start being punctual to my job and social committments (my punctuality became a running joke, often compared to British Rail!), started eating more heathily, drank less (even smoked less, although didn't manage to quit), and became much more fiscally responsible.

    Generally, things were looking up, or were they?

    If things had continued as anticipated I would have had a constant three-figure credit balance between pay periods (which is an achievement on my income, I can assure you), together with accruing savings, yet with all responsibilties (rent, council tax, mobile contract, etc) paid on-time, and in full.

    I did for example, pay for several expensive items outright and immediately, such as the damn TV licence, amongst others.

    However, I started to get worried four weeks into the tenancy when my flatmate announced to me that his employer had failed to pay him for this month (he's paid monthly).

    Considering that I had already lent him 50 in cash from my current account, I was now left with no option to fund the rent deficit myself, and within 36 hours to avoid becoming homeless. I did this, in a state of anger-fuelled depression via my credit card.

    Yes that's right, I took a 300 cash advance (rent is 600 per month) from my Visa card. For this act of complete necessary-evil-insanity I will be "fined" a ridiculous amount of money (in interest) until I pay it off.

    I was assured that all this money (350) would be repaid the next time he was paid, the following month, so resigned myself to the displeasure of encountering horrid amounts of interest from the perspective of a short-term solution.

    So, imagine my complete and utter horror and wish to lash out at the next person when, upon returning home from work after being taken ill, following a bad epileptic seiziure (an annoying medical condition of mine) at work, exacerbated by working in a building with faulty air-conditioning, hot temperatures, bright lights and poor air-circulation, to be confronted by the letting agent about the apparent lack of cleaning of the apartment (another sore point, i'll return to), and my flatmate standing there with an omminous look on his face, the meaning of which I already knew.

    He dissapears to have a "private" discussion with the letting agent, about what I already knew - his inability to pay the NEXT months rent also! He returns to me, and outlines options to me, all of which would render me homeless, and "up shit's creek without a paddle", basically.

    So, guess what? I have to pay the rent again this month, all of it, and it is killing me financially and emotionally.

    If perhaps there were more serious mitigating circumstances I would not be so angerly-perplexed by the situation. But, such circumstances are insufficient in number, I believe.

    His employer may be giving him insufficient hours (the apparent current reason for the inability to pay this months rent (the next months rent)) for this month, but what happened to last month? I had been led to believe that such was just a clerical oversight, and that he would be paid for that.

    Additionally, he doesn't appear to be doing much in the line of jobseeking. When I was unemployed, I got so bored, depressed, soul-destroyed and penniless that I spent 8 hours a day either on the internet searching for jobs, or physically going out and looking for them. I don't see him putting in anywhere near as much effort as that.

    I'm also aware that, (and this may seem patronising) he expends on unecessary expense, at a time when i'm being forced to consider everything I do, even if it's to buy essentials like washing tablets, soap and food. I have even increased the amount of days I use each disposable razer blade for, to reduce costs, despite the fact that this is destroying my already less-than-perfect facial complexion and is probably not hygienic either.

    He (on a near-daily basis) expends on retail coffee, convenience food, and semi-regularly, alcohol. And he doesn't drink cider or wine like I do, but shots, vodka or Jack Daniels, and doubles every time. I estimate he is expending 160 per month on such - that is more than my entire combined expenditure on food, cigarettes, alcohol, clothing, personal entertainment and similar in the last five weeks!

    Also, I wouldn't be feeling so wretched about the whole thing, if he had put more effort into the place we're sharing. So far, i've provided my existing TV, a brand new microwave, brand new DECT phones, i've paid for the Sky+ box, i'm paying that subscription too, together with the DSL, i've paid for all the cleaning products - and guess what, I DO ALL THE CLEANING. I spent three hours at 2am one morning as it was the only time I had available, cleaning the oven, and both bathrooms, then moved onto the freezer, and collapsed of tiredness in the kitchen before getting to the fridge. Please bare in mind that this was after a 12 hour shift at work. On that subject, I was almost on a disciplinary the next day for being 90 minutes late, as I was so tired when I first woke up I just kept "snoozing" the alarm until I figured I had better get up, even if it took me 25 minutes to shower, and 10 minutes to get four pieces of clothing on!

    Now, this has seemed like something of a whine-type drivvel expose I appreciate, but here is the killer. I am aware he has approximately 13,000 in savings, which could be used to meet his financial commitments in terms of the rent and similar until he can find other means of meeting them.

    He will not touch such savings, as they are in a long-term three-year account and he would lose too much interest. Yet, this is at a time when we are supposedly starting a business - i'm a company partner, and I have no budget! I've been doing hours of work myself, as of yet unpaid, on IT systems and software, and been looking over advertising solutions and ways of promoting the company, together with all the legal crap he hasn't even read, and just found that there is no money anywhere to fund any of it!

    So, he has savings which could remedy his financial situation, and prevent mine from financial meltdown, together with providing some initial capital for the business, and he won't touch them!

    My bank balance currently stands at 23.20, I have no overdraft and I have bills pending for my credit card, and phone contracts. This is rather in contrast to the 150 running balance (sometimes more) I had between pay dates, WITH these bills paid, and with savings accruing.

    This leads me onto why i'm feeling so depressed, and why i'm wonderng what I am living for at the moment, aside from working as a wage-slave to a multi-national company at little above minimum-wage, employment which tires me out, leaves me little time to have a social life, and is possibly dangerous to my health, only to fund not only mine, but someone elses financial obligations too, whilst having nothing to show for any of it, except not being homeless!

    I have completely lost confidence in any hope of anything changing, and although I am trying to get out of this situation which is not of my making, it will be difficult if not possible. I have applied for better jobs which I have a chance of getting, and which would double my salary, but, here is the catch, they would be paid monthly, in arrears, i.e. from when I first start, I will have to wait a month before i'm paid anything.

    I can't afford to do that, I no longer have sufficient financial reserves, I would be homeless.

    As i've lost confidence in any hope of anything changing, I have lost confidence in everything else too, including myself. I no longer expect anything better to happen, I feel conflicted between someone I have fallen in love with, and my ex, as they are both friends - but in any case I haven't got the confidence to approach him to ask him out!

    My employment is a sick joke, if you believe in God i've probably mortally offended him to be stuck in such a place. I've failed to ascertain decent college grades because I was ill, then had surgery for other-discovered conditions, halfway through the first term! I can no longer afford to go to college, as I wouldn't be able to sustain living costs, so I cannot get into Uni either, a previous ambition of mine.

    Recently, I was going to go out on probably the last social event I will be able to afford for the forseeable future, only to realise I had around 5 to spend on it, and it would not be worthwhile. Also, I would have to wash clothes to attend, and I didn't have any washing tablets and couldn't afford to buy any! So, feeling rather annoyed, I went back to sleep, then woke up a few more times to feel like there wasn't much point in waking up for anything, so slept some more. I ended up sleeping for 23.5 hours.

    So, I think you get the picture ,what exactly am I living for?

    It's completely beyond my comprehension at the moment, and it depresses me even more that i'm facing financial and emotional oblivion that is entirely not of my own making. I've made sacrifices and worked hard to return my life to a sense of normallity, and now it's being taken from me, again...

  2. #2


    It sounds like your friend is taking advantage of you, and with friends like him, you do not need enemies. We have all been up the creek (crick in US southern parlance), without a paddle more times than we care to admit, but this roommate of yours needs a hard lesson in humility. You need to find a place of your own, when it is feasible to do so, and leave him stranded on his own. Then he has no one to blame but himself for his idiotic extravaganzas like retail coffee, convenience food, and semi-regularly, alcohol. These are not necessities, and he should be more aware that you are both on financial tightropes. He fails to see this, then you need to go by yourself, and let him come up with an excuse that he cannot pay the rent.

    This is what I would do if it were me.

  3. #3


    i would either

    A: put an ad out for a new roomate and tell your current one to pay up the next two months or get out or

    B: go find a place where you can stay on your own

    looking at your current financial situation i would go with plan A unless your roommate really has problems paying his side of the rent. I find it a little hard to believe that his employer "forgot" to pay him as i would have made a big deal about it. Find out where his money is going to and try to convince him that the rent is much more important at this point. He should be old enough to be responsible for himself even when times are tough.

    Life is meant to be enjoyed with all your needs and desires fulfilled IMO. Your roommate should not be holding you back in any way and he should repay you for the days where you covered his ass. You should not have to pay for another person's troubles unless it is absolutely dire or the other person has the means to pay you back in the future. Let your roommate know that if he wants to succeed in life then he has to pay you back.

  4. #4


    i think you should take great comfort from the fact that you are completely blameless for the difficult situation in which you find yourself. there is no worse feeling than realizing that your life is crap and you have only yourself to blame. you, on the other hand, have a multitude of people to blame: your parents for not offering you any support, your flatmate's employer for not paying him, and your worthless deadbeat flatmate himself, who merits nothing more than to be taken by the ear and thrown out on his lazy freeloader ass. you are doing all the right things to be happy and successful in life, and yet through no fault of your own you're being taken advantage of. it's time to take steps to protect yourself from the people who are threatening your happiness, stability, and financial security.

    step one: abandon all thought of starting a business with this punk ass flatmate of yours. he sounds like the last person in the world i would trust in any kind of financial transaction. his laziness, extravagance, and willingness to extort money out of you are all obvious signs that he's not to be trusted. you sound unsure about why he hasn't had any money to contribute to the rent, and about whether he even has a job. he's not being straight with you, and honesty is one of the most important qualities to look for in a business partner. furthermore, this 13K of his puts you and him immediately on an unequal footing. he has less to risk if the business fails, and thus less motivation to invest time and effort on making it succeed.

    step two: kick your flatmate out. or if you don't have the authority to do that, move out yourself. he has lived rent-free for the past two months at your expense, and hasn't lifted a finger to help with the tidying up, or even with buying cleaning supplies. he is blatantly extorting money out of someone who clearly lives much closer to the bone than himself. he sounds like a truly despicable person. i realize that you must consider him a friend, and you must feel some sense of loyalty and obligation to him. it's nice to think that compassion and kindness should be your first consideration before anything else, but this is the real world in all its harsh austerity, and you HAVE to take measures to ensure your own survival. if you allow people to take advantage of you, they will. he has already extorted 650 pounds out of you, which i very much doubt that you will ever see again, and he will continue to take advantage of you until you take measures to prevent him from doing so. you are not his mother, and you are under no obligation to clean for him or pay his rent with money that you don't have. based on the amount of effort he's been devoting to looking for a new job, i think you can look forward to paying his rent for him again next month if you haven't moved out by then. why have you put up with him thus far? do you have that much faith in humanity to believe that he'll somehow turn over a new leaf? your innocence and naivety are rather touching.

    step 3: once you have removed yourself from this larcenous situation, you should have no trouble in working your way out of debt if you're working full-time and in saving up a few thousand pounds. you can begin to enjoy small luxuries and social events. then you can look for a new job if the one you currently have is making you unhappy. perhaps you can even recover the 650 pounds this guy owes you (perhaps threatening him with legal action would do the trick). if not, you can at least comfort yourself with the knowledge that you will never let people use you that way again. believe me, i know how it feels. one of my former employers owes me several hundred dollars, but i've given up on ever collecting it since this gentleman has apparently relocated to cambodia to escape his many debts.

    step 4: ask out the guy you have a crush on. your ex is your ex: he shouldn't have any bearing on your current love life. if he doesn't have the decorum to accept that you've moved on then you're better off without his friendship. he has no right to prevent you from being happy. i'm sure if he's a decent individual he'd tell you the same thing.

    i don't blame you for feeling that your life is meaningless right now. no one should have to live in the kind of poverty you're facing. however, it's only your tolerance for the outrageous behavior of your flatmate that's putting you in that position. you obviously have all the skills necessary to make it on your own and even live quite comfortably. once you've taken measures to protect yourself from further harm, i'm sure your life will begin to seem much happier. good luck, and feel free to buttonhole me in IRC if you ever need to vent your frustration.

  5. #5


    • Immediately suspend any and all work you are doing on this business. If you can't trust him to pay the rent or clean the apartment, you can't trust him to be your partner in any business.
    • Any business assets you have bought yourself you should try to sell back to whoever you bought them from, being clear that you are only doing it because you are financially desperate. The people you bought these assets from may take pity on you or give you a refund. Keep this money for yourself, you earned it.
    • Give him a deadline of one week to take the money from his savings and pay for his share of the rent. During this week, do not help him out at all. Do not clean the apartment for him, do not do any work for him. Do not lift a finger to help his sorry ass. If he mentions this, simply tell him that you're not helping him while he still owes you rent.
    • If you have the authority to kick him out, then put out an ad for a new flatemate, and the second you find a decent one, kick out the useless guy currently stealing money from you. Get a new flatemate in, one who will pull his weight.
    • If you do not have the authority to kick him out, talk to your landlord. Explain the situation. Ask him to demand the next two months' rent from the other guy's savings, thus forcing him to pay an equal share of the rent. Or, ask that the landlord kick out the other guy and allow you to find a replacement flatemate. Make it clear that unless the landlord does something to help you, you will leave, and the landlord will be left with a tenant who is refusing to pay rent.

  6. #6


    Don't be down on yourself, you are doing all the right things, the problem is with this other guy not you, ask for help instead of letting yourself go further into debt, get a bank loan, to get caught up, or talk to the credit card company and explain the situation, they can help you by reducing the interest, they would rather you pay than not pay at all.

    This guy is livin' it up on the money he was to pay in rent, and your the only one takeing the situation seriously, and if you don't do something about it you will wind up holding the bag, for everything.

  7. #7


    A belated update: Fortunately, he is apparently moving out by this coming Saturday, 12th July 2008. That should, in the long-term resolve the issue (he is being replaced) but in the short-term, i'm still screwed lol.

    Ah well, watch this space I guess...


  8. #8


    Well I hope things work out for you, hopefully in time the money problems will work out also.

    Untill then you have to do the best you can do, with what you have.

  9. #9


    I usually worry about how my life is going to **** up when I get older and I think what Im living for. but then one day I decided to live just for the day whatever the cost. try and have as much fun and chill as much as possible, even If I have always been lazy,(I was one of those kids who where to lazy to go outside and play, who would rather be inside and play Megaman X for snes) and it makes me feel better so I suggest you take controll of your life and show some of your alpha maleness and tell your buddy to pay the rent etc or he will soon be in a world full of pain! Maye it wasnt a good answer you where looking for but it was always an idea wich I thought was pretty good. Just rell him how things are going down. tell him he has to pay the rent and take care of the apartment also or he could be kicked out!

  10. #10


    I am here to make people lol, I'm pretty good at it. If only I could Jeff Foxworthy it and make a good truckload of money on it.

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