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Thread: Advise about girls and relationships

  1. #1

    Default Advise about girls and relationships

    OK, im in a situation and really donít know what to do for the best, so im asking for the thoughts of you great open minded people here on adisc.
    Basically when I was traveling last year I ended up in Thailand with a group of people, one of which was a German girl who I got on with really well. Nothing happened between us whilst we were there but we became really good friends and kept in touch regularly. She already speaks very good English and would like to become a teacher in Germany teaching English. She is currently waiting to start her course which lasts for 5 years so whilst she had some time she decided to come over to the UK for a week. She stayed with me and we had great fun seeing all the classic British things and also some camping.
    During this time I didnít realize it but I had become quite attached to her and whilst nothing happened again, I was gutted when she left to go home. So much so I was nearly crying which is very unlike me and it shook me up for a couple of days. This made me realize I really did like her and I found out that day that she had felt the same way about me
    My dilemma is that she is back in Germany, and the southern part of it! I have a full time job thatís going places and I have a good career ahead of me here but I really like her. My feelings have faded a little since she has been gone (almost a week now) but I put that down to being really busy moving out of home (which is also exciting but daunting at the same time for me right now) and also with my job. We have spoken nearly every day on Skype and she has really fallen for me. Im worried we wont be able to keep a relationship going and wont see each other very much at all. Especially as we havenít had any time together as a couple yet so donít quite have that bond, if you get me... She is perfect for me though, shares the same outlooks in life, makes me laugh, is fun loving and hopefully can put up with me for the rest of her life!

    So my questions to you guys are;
    Should I do it and commit to a relationship with someone who is nearly 1000 miles away and about to start a 5 year uni course?
    Also, if I do, when should I tell her about my slight AB mostly DL tendencies? Its never been a question of "if" I tell a long term partner for me, im just not sure if I should get it out the way early incase she doesnít like it or wait to make sure sheís the one then risk everything weíve worked for... I think she finds my childishness cute IDK...

    Your thoughts are greatly appreciated

  2. #2


    Let me preface this by saying that I am bad at relationships, so I'm probably not the person to be giving advice on this stuff.

    But I have seen many long-distance relationships, and the factor that seemed to make the most difference in their success is how often they would see each other. Now, I know how difficult it can be to travel, but since you have the advantage of a decent rail system in Europe, maybe you could take advantage of that. But either way, you need to spend actual time together in order to make it work. No way around that as far as I've seen.

    As for telling her about the whole ABDL thing, you're gonna have to do that if you want a relationship to work. She doesn't have to participate or anything, but she still has to know.

  3. #3


    If I were in your situation, the obvious answer for me would be to commit but that is because I am a German fanatic: I love the language and anyone who speaks it.

    So... to answer to your first question. After reading your story and your reaction to her leaving, all I could think about is the quote "You don't know what you've got till it's gone." I say go for it. Follow bgi39jsjw0ggg (such a weird series of letters/numbers to type) advice with seeing each other in person every now and then and keep up with your Skype conversations.

    On a personal note, my brother drove for sixteen hours every weekend, eight there eight back, for three years to see his girlfriend (well... almost every weekend). They are now happily married and living together. It can work but it is a lot more work. Work is good though. A relationship that requires no work is not a relationship worth having.

    As for the second question. I would hold off on telling her. Tell her, yes, but not right away. Build the relationship first. Build the trust. Build the love. Build the friendship. Then, when you feel the time is right, tell her and if she really loves you then the ab/dl thing won't matter or shouldn't matter.

  4. #4


    My girlfriend knows I have a history with German ladies and living there. I've fallen in love in Germany or with German girls a few times and then been heartbroken until the next time. I'd say go with it if you can. Many of my friends seem over there seem to commit very loyally to them.

    Did you say she is going to study English in the UK or in Germany? That's quite an important point and something to consider. Also Germany isn't that far away if you think about it. You can probably get a cheap(ish) flight to Salzburg or Innsbruck depending on where you are. You could even get a job related to your career if it's transferable though you might have to get to work learning that German though as I hear there are quite a few companies within Germany (Peachy korrigier mich wenn ich falsch liege)

    If you really love her don't fret about thinking about your wonderful job and friends and stability. Drop everything and get over there! That's what I'm doing and why I'm leaving Vietnam to move to Belarus! Then again I am in the unique position that I can find a job anywhere in the non-English speaking world.

  5. #5


    I'm afraid no one can tell you whether or not you're willing to make the sacrifice of giving up your (seemingly) stable job in the UK and moving to a foreign country. Shouldn't be a problem living here, or eventually learning the language, but what if your relationship breaks up (you both are still young), then you may find it hard to go back home and return to your previous career.

  6. #6


    Thanks guys youve given me some things to think about. Im going out there for Octoberfest to see her and talk about it. Your right Peachy about the "willing to make the sacrifice part". I am aware that this relationship will involve alot of effot and part of me is wondering wether im ready to commit that much time to it yet. I feel it would restrict me enormously and ive got so many things I have yet to do. But on the flip side ive never met anyone like her before and she really cares for me. Ahhh I dont know......
    Ive got some serious thinking to do :s

  7. #7


    "One life - Live it" This is your sig everything is worth a try and if it does not work then at least you did try.

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