Hey everybody! Just thought I'd come to this wonderful forum for a little support on an issue i'm currently dealing with..
So here's the deal. I'm 19, a virgin, and have dealt with many anxieties throughout my troubled years of awkward adolescence. As we all know, growing up with a fetish can be confusing, and when combined with already non-existent self-esteem and social anxieties, can make for some downright miserable teenage years.
Currently, my life seems pretty damn awesome..things have been getting steadily better. I'm in a relationship with my first real girlfriend, and she is super awesome and even totally accepting and willing to explore my fetish with me. (something which i havn't had the guts to do myself...despite STRONG urges for the last 5 years...i suck) I've started playing in a successful band, which has really helped with the self-esteem problems.
However, there is still one slight problem that I need to address...and that problem has to do with sex. I have always been extraordinarily anxious to the thought of sex..this correlates with my diaper fetish. In retrospectively stupid self-hatred, I seem to had convinced myself at a point that i would be unable to ever enjoy and perform normal intercourse. Now, this isn't to say that I don't feel physical attraction..I'm able to "perform" solo to the thought of a woman with relative ease. The only problem is that when the time comes for me to have sex in real life, my heart starts racing, I become overly anxious, and I can't keep "it" hard. However, when my girlfriend and I are fooling around and I feel no pressure, "it" is always hard...Also, standard pornography has always frightened me. I never "get off" to it.
I realize that i'm probably over analyzing things, and that I just need to relax...but it's difficult. I fully accept and love myself now, and am extremely excited to start exploring the diaper side of my sexuality, but I would like to get over this anxiety first and foremost. Would stopping masturbation until i get over this be a good idea?
So now...does anybody have any input? Anybody been in a similar situation? I'm quite aware that once I'm over this problem it won't persist, but it's just annoying and I feel like I cannot express my love to my wonderful girlfriend...
Well, thanks for reading my rant! I hope to talk to some of you about awesome things, and hopefully make some friends!