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Thread: Raised differently than your siblings?

  1. #1

    Default Raised differently than your siblings?

    Just curious for those who have siblings, were you raised differently? I was talking about my brother to a friend and I started talking about how we were raised so differently, which is weird considering we have the same parent. :S

    I was raised to be a proper lady, to put it simply. I was also raised to be very independent, to cherish the little that I had, and to not want things that I don't need. I was happy with little toys, Walmart clothing, and sale items. Don't get me wrong, I love a few name brands, including Roxy and Aeropostale, among others, but anything expensive I have I've boughten myself. It's not something I expect from my parents or family. When I was younger, I never asked for money to go to the mall, I spent my time doing all my chores, and caring for my brother when my mom was at work, and I didn't expect to be paid for it. I got my first job at 15 and worked close to full-time hours to provide myself with what I wanted. I was a very proper and polite child, and still am, to a degree.

    My brother on the other hand, is indulged in everything he wants. To the point where he won't wear anything unless it's quicksilver, aeropostale, or american eagle. Even his shoes have to be DC, or etnies or whatever brands of shoes he has. He just *has* to go to a specific barber every month to get his hair done. He only wears certain brands of cologne, and even deodorant. He needs all the newest iPods, cellphones and gadgets, has his own computer, and I couldn't even tell you the amount of other expensive little trinkets he owns. He's still a polite kid, but he has that aire of arrogance about him. He has little girls calling him all the time, which gets quite annoying.... or random kids wanting to hang out that come to the door to ask for him. Eurgh. Anything he wants is provided for him, he complains about the one chore he has (garbage), and acts like his life is so gosh darn hard.

    It's just interesting to know we're two completely different people, mostly cus we were raised differently. But for those of you who have kids, too, did you raise them differently, and if so why? Or was it something that wasn't done on purpose?

  2. #2


    Sounds like a venting topic!

    And no, my brother and I were not raised differently, despite being very different people. That's a matter of inherent personality.

  3. #3


    Quote Originally Posted by Lukie View Post
    Sounds like a venting topic!

    And no, my brother and I were not raised differently, despite being very different people. That's a matter of inherent personality.
    This, I was raised in all male environment, so you'd think I would follow suite, my personality self efficacy bleed through.

  4. #4


    I was raised differently to my sister but that is because she has learning difficulties. After she was born my parents focussed on here so much that I quickly learnt to do things for myself, by the time I started school I could already get myself ready in the morning with no help whereas as my sister was dependent on my parents as they never really gave her the oppurtunity to do things for herself.

    Other than that the differences probably come from personality, for example I couldn't care less where my trainers come from or what style they are but my sister is very specific about what she likes and whines for hours if she doesn't like something despite the fact that, like me, when we were growing up our trainers were never designer brands, I still don't wear them as they are of inferior quality to non-designer shoes in my opinion.

  5. #5


    Quote Originally Posted by Lukie View Post
    Sounds like a venting topic!

    And no, my brother and I were not raised differently, despite being very different people. That's a matter of inherent personality.
    Nope, not a venting topic. Despite his spoiledness, my brothers a good kid. :P

  6. #6


    I tend to be very independent and hard-working; I put myself through college after I left a military academy and my mother and step-father told me that they wouldn't give me a dime of support. I even got married and had kids during that time and supported my wife and children with my job while going to school. As such, I have been extremely responsible overall.

    My sister that is two years older than I, was begging handouts from mom and step-father and also dad until she got married at 36. Until that time she could barely make the rent on a month-to-month basis. She had help making her way through college every semester for tuition and books.

    I got a car loan from my dad at 23 when I needed a good car for my young family. He called me asking why he received a check when I sent him the first payment for it. I explained that I planned on fulfilling my responsibility for this loan with him, I did not feel it was appropriate to take advantage of the fact he was my father to not re-pay. He was glad to receive the check and hear it; he had "loaned" my sister tens of thousands without a penny paid back.

    My sister and I still get treated differently by my mother and step-father (I no longer have a relationship with them). Mom hates that I am so much like my father. She has outright told me that she is, "sorry [she] gave birth to [me]." No matter I am a successful engineer doing well by any standard.

    With my own children I have tried to keep the bar as even as possible, though it can never be absolutely perfect. It is simply one that I give them the same responsibilities, rewards, and consequences as much as possible. A lot of the time the older two of them will trade chores back and forth from one week to the next to keep things even. The youngest now has her own chores being added in to keep up with it all as well.

    It takes a lot of work, and it can never be perfect. You do your best with what you have and love them all as much as you can. Hopefully, it will all work out from there.

  7. #7


    My brother and I were raised very differently from I. He is about 14 years older than me, and when he was growing up my mother was a single parent, having just left her abusive husband. She was really struggling, was putting herself through open university, while being a single parent and holding down a full-time job. They were very poor, and ate the simplest and cheapest of meals, wore charity shop bargain clothes, and my mum even had to ask her parents to buy my brother his school shoes one year. (He's 6'6", so grew out of shoes VERY quickly!)

    I on the other hand came along well after that. My mother remarried a lovely man, my father, and they moved into a new and bigger house. A bungalow no less. By the time I was 10 years old my brother had had his first child, and my parents were secure enough financially to send me to public school. Very nice. I was never left wanting, although I wouldn't say I was spoiled either. I was lavished with gifts at christmas and my birthday, but I had to do chores for my pocket money, and they instilled good values in me (or at least, I think they did).

    Now I'm older, and my brother is too, my brother and I are remarkably similar, despite our very different upbringings, and sharing only one parent. We're both disorganised, social, whirlwinds of people. Prone to getting a bit down in the dumps, and always always there for each other no matter what!

  8. #8
    Butterfly Mage


    My sister was given more of everything than me. I don't think it's because my dad loved my sister more than me (he lacked the capacity to love anyone). He indulged her so as to weaken her while at the same time causing me to resent her while growing up. Dad's indulgence of my sister was psychological warfare and nothing else.

  9. #9


    I think many parents raise siblings differently. Either:

    1) Because they are so cautious about raising number one right or keeping him/her safe that they become overbearing and relax a bit with number two
    2) Because they are lazy and don't care (hopefully not that one!)
    3) Because they see the differences in the children and parent accordingly
    4) Something else entirely.

    Whether this is fair or not depends on your point of view, but as my parents and many others were/are fond of pointing out, life isn't always fair. In fact, now that I'm grown I can say with a small bit of conviction that it rarely is unfortunately.

    My parents seemed a bit easier on my younger brother and remain so, even though we are both grown and long out of the house. Some of that I think is due to the fact I was number one, part of it is due to the fact that I'm entirely different than the rest of my family and was probably a bit difficult to deal with for a parent, being so entirely shy and less than "normal". I used to cry when I was a small child when people talked to me, I was that petrified of interaction. Thankfully, hard experiences cured me of a lot of that, although I remain introverted and school was pretty much the embodiment of pure hell until college. Public speaking remains the only thing to get me overly nervous, in terms of communication anyway.

    My brother was fairly popular, "normal", had normal relationships, very much the likable, smart, nice guy with a good amount of common sense and logic. Easier to parent, I think. I wasn't "bad" or needing discipline, just harder to parent, being the emotional, heart leading the head, oblivious, naive, irrational kid that I was (and still am to a large degree).

    So there were differences. But that's ok. My parents watched me closer. Micromanaged me more. Got into my life more, probably due to concern. Looking back I'm sure some of it seemed unfair and maybe it was, but I turned out ok, not that I still don't think some of it was too much. I'm quite the spontaneous, take things as they come, day by day, fly by the seat of my pants type person. Not the type of child my parents were trying to raise I don't think :P To deal with stress, I have to do things that way, which oddly enough makes it seem to others that nothing bothers me, according to people I work with and others I know. This is far from the truth ^^;

    Anyway, I guess I'm saying it's not always the raising that affects the child, although it inevitably does in some way, sometimes it's the child that affects the raising. As with all things, it's probably somewhere in between in reality. No two children are alike, even siblings.

  10. #10


    I worked for everything I got (was working since I was 9) and my sister got it all handed to her. She's spoiled and I"m not. Yet I'm the one that has all the expensive gadgets but that's mostly because I've worked for it. my parents see that and help me out. But m sister get's it all handed to her. In part we are raised differently mostly because she's a girl and I'm a guy.

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