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Thread: Significant Others and ABDL

  1. #1
    Zeit

    Default Significant Others and ABDL

    I have a bit of a situation that's been bothering me moreso recently and I was hoping people with experience could possibly give me a hand in figuring this out.

    I've been with my girlfriend for nearly 2 years. We get along great; ending each other's sentences, going out on dates, walks in the park and whatnot. She lives in another city due to school and so during the summer, I tend to leave my city and go to hers to live with her.

    I came out to her as a DL 6 months into the relationship and she took it well. Since then I've been padded around her and she hasn't minded in any way, so long as I clean up. Recently, I've gotten into DL side a bit more than usual and feel as though she may be passively upset by it.

    It seems that the moment I pad up at night, she'll become quiet and try to fall asleep as quickly as possible. Tonight I asked her if my wearing was upsetting her to which she told me no. After a bit of talking I managed to open her up to say that she felt that I become more quiet /disconnect from her (?) when I pad up. Well once I did pad up tonight she proceeded to fall asleep, halfway through a movie. I called her on it and asked her why she was doing the exact thing she claimed I was doing and she said to me that "I jump to conclusions".

    I'm just not sure what to think. Maybe I'm just looking too much into this, but I've told her several times that "this is a part of the package deal" and that I can't remove this part of me. I'm just afraid that maybe now this is starting to set in.

    Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

  2. #2
    GaashaHuzzah

    Default

    Well...

    You could just not go to bed padded.

  3. #3

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Zeit View Post
    I have a bit of a situation that's been bothering me moreso recently and I was hoping people with experience could possibly give me a hand in figuring this out.

    I've been with my girlfriend for nearly 2 years. We get along great; ending each other's sentences, going out on dates, walks in the park and whatnot. She lives in another city due to school and so during the summer, I tend to leave my city and go to hers to live with her.

    I came out to her as a DL 6 months into the relationship and she took it well. Since then I've been padded around her and she hasn't minded in any way, so long as I clean up. Recently, I've gotten into DL side a bit more than usual and feel as though she may be passively upset by it.

    It seems that the moment I pad up at night, she'll become quiet and try to fall asleep as quickly as possible. Tonight I asked her if my wearing was upsetting her to which she told me no. After a bit of talking I managed to open her up to say that she felt that I become more quiet /disconnect from her (?) when I pad up. Well once I did pad up tonight she proceeded to fall asleep, halfway through a movie. I called her on it and asked her why she was doing the exact thing she claimed I was doing and she said to me that "I jump to conclusions".

    I'm just not sure what to think. Maybe I'm just looking too much into this, but I've told her several times that "this is a part of the package deal" and that I can't remove this part of me. I'm just afraid that maybe now this is starting to set in.

    Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
    You missed some rather critical details.

    1 - how often to you get padded around her in a typical week?
    2 - what do you do for/to her in exchange for her putting up with the diapers?

    Either way, both of you have to nut up and talk to each other about this. It's obviously not going away, and she's obviously not thrilled with it. It might be time to renegotiate your sexual contract.

  4. #4
    Zeit

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by bgi39jsjw0ggg View Post
    You missed some rather critical details.

    1 - how often to you get padded around her in a typical week?
    2 - what do you do for/to her in exchange for her putting up with the diapers?

    Either way, both of you have to nut up and talk to each other about this. It's obviously not going away, and she's obviously not thrilled with it. It might be time to renegotiate your sexual contract.
    As for the frequency, it's usually once or twice a week. I've been out of supply for a few weeks and just bought some earlier this week. Don't get me wrong, I do take care of her from a sexual standpoint, as well as an emotional one. We're intimate as often as she likes to be.

    I'm just not sure how to get her to open up to me about this. Maybe from there we can sit down and talk, but she refuses to say she has a problem with it to begin with. I don't know.

  5. #5

    Default

    In a relationship you have to fullfill both yours and your partners needs. since she has been ok with this maybe there is something you can do for her that shows the relationship is equal. I would ask her about it.

  6. #6
    DominatingMommy

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Zeit View Post
    After a bit of talking I managed to open her up to say that she felt that I become more quiet /disconnect from her (?) when I pad up. Well once I did pad up tonight she proceeded to fall asleep, halfway through a movie. I called her on it and asked her why she was doing the exact thing she claimed I was doing and she said to me that "I jump to conclusions".
    Throwing my 2 cents out there as a woman driven by emotions. If your attitude or behaviors change when you are padded verses not padded, I can see how she says that she is feeling disconnected from you. However, you are right about her doing the exact same thing. You called her on it and now she is going to be defensive. I know, because I'm exactly the same way. I wish I had some good solid advice for you, but I don't. I think I might have more to offer if you were AB instead of DL, because I've dealt with this before on that side of the coin.

    Just continue to talk and try your hardest not to accuse, or sound accusing. Some of us women like to make mountains out of mole hills.

  7. #7

    Default

    well as someone that has been in and still is in her boat I have a lot of things that may help, others that may not apply to your situation but hear me out.

    For a female that is not into the fetish, but is willing to accept and perhaps indulge it there are a lot of mixed feelings and messages. Trust me I have fought this battle for 7 years and am always feeling like i am loosing. While you were open with her, and she was accepting, the fetish is always going to be something she is going to have to battle (within herself).
    While it may not make sense, or even be true, she is going to have the feeling that it is her willingness to accept the abdl in you that you are attracted to and not her. While i must say i am jealous for the sexual relationship you do have despite the fetish, your having a healthy relationship sexually is the key. However she may not be as confident about it as you think. A females self esteem is greatly based on how attractive she feels to the person she loves. While you may not in anyway see her as less attractive, a constant battle that goes on in the mind of the non-fetishist is that the addition of the item, or the thought of the item is what is making you interested in. That when you pad up, she is being told that she is not enough, and you still have to get your gratification elsewhere. Please do not think that i am saying this is realy the case, and i would bet that she "Knows" that is not, but it dose not stop the feelings from being there. The important thing is that you keep showing her affection, and try to get her to open up. Understand if it is not something she is ready to talk about, because if she is like me it is something that she hate above all else about her self (the doubting of your relationship).
    While she may not be getting mad, or upset and the wearing it seems she is seeing the diaper as a symbol at night of you turning "OFF" so she dose not work to change what she feels is the inevitable, the absence of physical attraction for her while you are padded. This is not the end for your relationship, only a hurtle that you both have to work on, and one that you should know is not very likely to go away for her, because short of her finding that she is into diapers, she will always be up against a fetish. That is what we accept more then the diapers themselves, but the attraction for an object, and we will always wonder what attraction is stronger.

  8. #8
    Zeit

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by LuvsGurl View Post
    well as someone that has been in and still is in her boat I have a lot of things that may help, others that may not apply to your situation but hear me out.

    For a female that is not into the fetish, but is willing to accept and perhaps indulge it there are a lot of mixed feelings and messages. Trust me I have fought this battle for 7 years and am always feeling like i am loosing. While you were open with her, and she was accepting, the fetish is always going to be something she is going to have to battle (within herself).
    While it may not make sense, or even be true, she is going to have the feeling that it is her willingness to accept the abdl in you that you are attracted to and not her. While i must say i am jealous for the sexual relationship you do have despite the fetish, your having a healthy relationship sexually is the key. However she may not be as confident about it as you think. A females self esteem is greatly based on how attractive she feels to the person she loves. While you may not in anyway see her as less attractive, a constant battle that goes on in the mind of the non-fetishist is that the addition of the item, or the thought of the item is what is making you interested in. That when you pad up, she is being told that she is not enough, and you still have to get your gratification elsewhere. Please do not think that i am saying this is realy the case, and i would bet that she "Knows" that is not, but it dose not stop the feelings from being there. The important thing is that you keep showing her affection, and try to get her to open up. Understand if it is not something she is ready to talk about, because if she is like me it is something that she hate above all else about her self (the doubting of your relationship).
    While she may not be getting mad, or upset and the wearing it seems she is seeing the diaper as a symbol at night of you turning "OFF" so she dose not work to change what she feels is the inevitable, the absence of physical attraction for her while you are padded. This is not the end for your relationship, only a hurtle that you both have to work on, and one that you should know is not very likely to go away for her, because short of her finding that she is into diapers, she will always be up against a fetish. That is what we accept more then the diapers themselves, but the attraction for an object, and we will always wonder what attraction is stronger.
    Thank you for what you've written. I know that this is going to always be a concern for both me and her, and that there is no true "solution" to an obstacle like this. I love this girl and am wiling to do everything I can to keep her and I happy in this relationship, despite my interests and the long distance that exists during the school year. We agreed to base our relationship on being trusting and 100% open with each other about our feelings, which has worked thus far.

    I spoke with her about it this morning. I went to bed in a crummy mood, which lead to me starting this thread (I asked her that we not go to bed when one of us is angry without trying to clear it up). We talked it over and agreed that I need to spend more time actively being with her, like planning day trips and making the most of the free time we have together. She feels that this has been on my mind a lot recently, and it has, since I haven't been able to work as hard recently due to medical issues. I told her that I will be moderate in when I pad up, as I enjoy it and she understands that. We decided to go out for breakfast and are planning a music concert date this weekend so we can spend time together.

    Aside from a little bickering every now and then, i think we're alright. It's just difficult sometimes. As are all relationships. Thanks for all the good advice. Hopefully things will get easier of you and your SO with time, LuvsGirl.

  9. #9

    Default

    I am right now dancing with the idea of opening up to my fiance about all this. I want to say that I admire and respect you very much for biting the bullet. It gives me hope that it won't turn out as bad as I fear.

  10. #10

    Default

    I can't really add to the excellent posts here other than to say Zeit that this is as much your problem as hers in as much as you are the one feeling guilty. Being on the married guy side of this I understand how you feel, because even though my wife excepts my loving and wearing diapers, I feel somewhat guilty wearing to bed.

    You may already do this, but I would be sure not to wear diapers on the last night when you stay with her, so that you leave with her having had a fulfilling last night. Frankly, it sounds like you have solved most of your problem. The only other thing I would suggest is to wear less until you are engaged and further committed, at which time you could see a counselor and work on some sort of happy acceptance. I wish you all the best with this.

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