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Thread: Bullying

  1. #1

    Angry Bullying

    So you ever had that feeling? You're walking down the hallway/street/stairwell and suddenly you see something. Your whole body tenses up and you freeze. Suddenly time is moving slowly and you begin to sweat. You retreat into your own head and start feeling numb. You are moving, but you feel stiff. You're waiting for what you feel is an inevitable conflict. You try to shrink, make yourself unnoticeable. You lock eyes and feel a shiver. Imperceptible to the naked eye, but you can feel it running down your spine. You've been seen and you have nowhere to go. They look away, but you keep staring. You need to keep your eye on them, just in case. You see them turn the corner and suddenly you just get the hell out of there. You don't care how you look, you just need to get away, get somewhere safe.

    I've got to say I've been pretty lucky on this side. I've been pretty much left alone. That has a lot to do with my brother, though. He's kind of a well known guy and so people know not to touch me or he'll get involved. I never actually tell anyone we're related. They normally find out on their own and realize I'm not supposed to be touched.

    That doesn't mean that I'm immune to this shit. There's always the thick-headed guy who knows nothing and just wants people to see how tough he is. Like I said, I don't TELL people about my brother. I don't expect him to come "save me" if shit goes sour, but I don't tell people that he wouldn't help. I'd probably tell him NOT to help, to be honest. He'd hold it over my head if I ever came to him for help with this stuff, but if people want to ASSUME that I have some beefy body guard then they can go ahead. The above applies to a guy who gets perverse enjoyment out of picking me out of a crowd. Little things like pulling my chair out from under me instead of getting a new one for himself, sometimes hitting me "just 'cause". Not even hard, usually. More like a primitive "I'm bigger than you, what are you going to do about it?"

    There's other more subtle things, too. Not anything that compares to the above, but still bullying. The people who talk to you, not to be nice, but who are probing you, waiting for you to say something stupid so they can laugh about it. I find it happens to the really dumb kids and people like me. The people who know WAY more about a topic than is necessary in an average high school setting. I obsess over things, and it really shows when I get into a conversation with people. I know people that bring up topics that they know hardly anything about and then ask me MY opinion on it because they KNOW that I'll say something... not stupid, but not "cool". If I try to ignore it they just badger me with questions like "Why won't you answer? We know you know about this sutff. C'mon, you afraid?"

    I started thinking this because I was walking down the stairs and I saw this guy on his way up and I felt like time had stopped for a second. I completely froze. The feeling was completely irrational. A large portion of the school was in the stairwell and he wouldn't DARE do anything right there, but I still felt petrified.

    So yeah, just was wondering how many people go through this? How do people cope with this kind of stuff?

    There's the obvious "tell a trusted adult", but that's a crock of bullshit. What's the person going to do? Anything you do to "punish" them is just going to piss them off and make you look like a bigger target.

    There's the old favourite "fight back". Oh wait, zero tolerance exists now. If a bully decides to fight me and I fight back we are punished equally. What's worse, I know of a guy who had to plead guilty and go to court for defending his friend against a bully because the bully said he was assaulted. The reason he plead guilty was he asked his brother to go to the fight, just in case the bullies thug friends jumped in and he needed backup. He was told if he didn't plead guilty his brother would be fired from his job because he would ALSO be charged with assault. His brother ended up getting fired over it anyway, but it was too late, he already plead guilty. He got lucky, when they went to court to discuss the actual probation and punishment and all that the judge saw through the bully and basically gave the kid the ABSOLUTE MINIMUM for everything and apologized for him having to go through that.

    So yeah. That's probably what frustrates me the most. The "victim" needs to eiher become a rat and tell on the bullies, which will probably just get everyone to think he's a pussy, or he could fight back and be charged with assault. Even if he ISN'T charged with assault, it's VERY easy to get suspended, or even expelled, with the zero tolerance rule.

    P.S. Not looking for pity or anything, just wondering how people deal with it since all any propaganda says is tell, which has a glaring flaw, and everyone else says fight.

  2. #2

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    Quote Originally Posted by Zephiel View Post
    The above applies to a guy who gets perverse enjoyment out of picking me out of a crowd. Little things like pulling my chair out from under me instead of getting a new one for himself, sometimes hitting me "just 'cause". Not even hard, usually. More like a primitive "I'm bigger than you, what are you going to do about it?"
    If you're 17 this shit shouldn't be happening anymore. At this point maybe its time to fight back. Don't do anything that would get you expelled like jump him with a baseball bat or come to school with a knife. But if he does little shit like that to you - just do it right back to him. Do it in public too when people are around, prerferably teachers/other kids/security guards. That way if he escelates it he'll get in trouble and not you.



    The people who talk to you, not to be nice, but who are probing you, waiting for you to say something stupid so they can laugh about it. I find it happens to the really dumb kids and people like me. The people who know WAY more about a topic than is necessary in an average high school setting. I obsess over things, and it really shows when I get into a conversation with people. I know people that bring up topics that they know hardly anything about and then ask me MY opinion on it because they KNOW that I'll say something... not stupid, but not "cool". If I try to ignore it they just badger me with questions like "Why won't you answer? We know you know about this sutff. C'mon, you afraid?"
    For little stuff like this you don't want to lose your cool. Don't ignore them. If you're pissed off a few well placed "fuck you"s can work wonders. And if you get the sense they're messing with you, mess with them back, insult their fashion sense or their large noses or anything (but keep it cool, don't say anything too insulting). If you don't feel comfertable doing that I'd suggest just trying to change the subject, crack a few jokes or whatever, just distract them. And who knows you might make a new friend.

  3. #3

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    Let me tell you something I've never told anyone before. In grade 7 I was bullied for much of the year by a former friend. It wasn't anything physical, probably because he knew I could kick his ass, it was just little things like what you described. It wasn't constant, either, more of an off-and-on type of thing, so I probably didn't have it nearly as bad as you did.
    It didn't help at the time that I was going through a lot of stuff at home with my parents, and I was angry a lot of the time. It didn't help that all of my friends except for one guy were in the other grade seven class either. So when he started on his little jokes about me at lunch time, I'd have no one around to back me up.

    The things he said to me were really stupid too, and you could he he was trying to mock me. It wasn't like a group thing either, no one joined in, so it was pretty obvious he was just trying to do it to impress the ladies. I have no idea how it started, and up to that point I had never been bullied. Course, I did have terrible fashion sense back then, so maybe that was it. I wore tie-dye shirts and baggy pants and... yeah, that was probably the reason. I dressed like a fucking gnome.

    Anyway, it petered out by the end of the year as I made friends with everyone else in the class. I let his little comments slide off of me and I wasn't bothered by him as much as I was at the beginning of the year. In grade 8 I was in a different class than him, and then we went to different highschools. I saw him last year in the summer before I left for college. We talked a bit, and he was actually a pretty cool guy. He didn't say anything about grade 7, but I suspect he doesn't remember. To him, it might never have been bullying. He was just kidding around and I took it too seriously or something.

    But, Zeph, I'm surprised there's bullying at your highschool. Maybe it was different at my highschool because I'm from a smaller city and my highschool only had about 600 people. Everyone new everyone else before they got to grade 9, so all was well. Not that there weren't any fights or anything, but me and my friends didn't see any kind of bullying in the halls at all.

    So, advice? Let it roll off your thick, greasy skin. Nobody acts like that in college.

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tsendo View Post
    If you're 17 this shit shouldn't be happening anymore. At this point maybe its time to fight back. Don't do anything that would get you expelled like jump him with a baseball bat or come to school with a knife. But if he does little shit like that to you - just do it right back to him. Do it in public too when people are around, prerferably teachers/other kids/security guards. That way if he escelates it he'll get in trouble and not you.
    I don't think you understand "zero tolerance". If I did that RIGHT in front of a teacher then chances are I would be instantly expelled. Any violence of any kind between two students (not even necessarily the same school, on school grounds or during school hours. It could be a different school, different place, different time and the school can still get involved) results in BOTH students receiving disciplinary action. I actually CARE about getting into a good university, and that could jeopardize it.



    Quote Originally Posted by Chillhouse View Post
    But, Zeph, I'm surprised there's bullying at your highschool. Maybe it was different at my highschool because I'm from a smaller city and my highschool only had about 600 people. Everyone new everyone else before they got to grade 9, so all was well. Not that there weren't any fights or anything, but me and my friends didn't see any kind of bullying in the halls at all.

    So, advice? Let it roll off your thick, greasy skin. Nobody acts like that in college.
    I'm fine. I'll still be freaked out every time I see that guy, but I'm mostly over it. I just thought it would make for an interesting thread/discussion. He'll be gone next year. I'm just going to wait it out. I just think that the media's "solution" to bullying is garbage and wondering if anyone else has any opinions.

  5. #5

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    If you feel you are in danger please say something to your brother, at least he will keep an eye on you if you get in too deep.

    At a younger age we all feel our brothers want nothing to do with us, but your wrong they would defend you to the death if needed, getting your feelings hurt is one thing but being beat on is totally out of the question.

    I was bulleyed in school I was the little short fat kid people picked on so I know what your feeling.

  6. #6
    Mako

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    Well Zephy, you're right in predicting people's reactions and you're correct. They're wrong. They don't help at all, you fight back you're usually the one who's caught, you go to an adult that only entices more people to bug you for being a pussy.
    I was a victim of bullying when I was younger until I got my head on straight. There's the age old "they're just looking for attention", which is true. But the follow up line "learn to ignore them" is so horribly misstated it causes more crap. Actively ignoring them is still a reaction and they know they're getting to you. Learn to be apathetic, and kill them with dismissive kindness.

  7. #7

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    Unfortunately this happens a lot at my school. The whole ZERO TOLERANCE thing is bullshit. There has been "fights" at my school where students just stand there being beaten to the point that they are hospitalized, just so that they do not get in trouble with police.. which has happened before to students who defend themselves.

    i do get bullied a little bit but most of its "harmless" name calling and such, but because of my low self esteem and self consciousness this plays on my mind and makes me feel like shit.



    a guy who gets perverse enjoyment out of picking me out of a crowd.
    Zephiel: That bullshit, people who act like that to a nice guy such as you ( its true, you're an awesome guy =] ) have no place in the world. people who start shit and act like idiots just because they can shouldn't be allowed to exist in a school environment.

    Snaps

  8. #8

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    I do not get bullied.


    It has to do with he fact... I can down most people/Make them back off with one hit. >3

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by Snaps View Post
    Unfortunately this happens a lot at my school. The whole ZERO TOLERANCE thing is bullshit. There has been "fights" at my school where students just stand there being beaten to the point that they are hospitalized, just so that they do not get in trouble with police.. which has happened before to students who defend themselves.

    i do get bullied a little bit but most of its "harmless" name calling and such, but because of my low self esteem and self consciousness this plays on my mind and makes me feel like shit.



    Zephiel: That bullshit, people who act like that to a nice guy such as you ( its true, you're an awesome guy =] ) have no place in the world. people who start shit and act like idiots just because they can shouldn't be allowed to exist in a school environment.

    Snaps
    Your school sounds alot like my last school. There is NO control over bullying. I was a victim of bullying and it caused me to do something that landed me in juive for 6months and then a group home for about a year and a half.

    I DO NOT stand for bullying and after all that has happened to me I do not stand for it. I will be the first person to stand up and take a stand for it

  10. #10
    Peachy

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    The zero-tolerance bullshit seems to be one of those typical stupid rules of America (as in the continent - it seems it has spread from the U.S. into Canada). That kind of rule eliminates the learning effect from confrontations among students. Sure, they shouldn't beat each other with a baseball bat, but a slap or a bit of hair pulling (among the girls) seems to help things along at times. Students can go to the teachers and complain, but out there in the real world, there's no teacher to set things straight, and people either get hurt even more, or go all out on a shooting spree.

    Personally, I'd say pay him back. Not with the same things, like beating him or pulling his chair away, but be more subtle. I dunno what exactlly you could do, but it should be something that can't be immediately pinned on you (i.e. no obvious proof) but is obvious to people involved and embarrassing to him. Dunno...leave some used girl panties in his backpack, or a tied up filed condom in his coat pockets, remove a page from his school book so he can't do the homework.

    And remember: Once y'all get out into the "real world", his stupid little pranks won't get him anywhere. There will be bigger and more powerful people than him who will boss his ass around, and most likely, he won't be able to take that, and will screw up. At least you have some experience in dealing with more powerful people and can slowly work your way up and won't have to take a baseball bat to your boss' face!

    Peachy

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