Reading hundreds of very old ADISC topics, I see how often a member will confess to at some point "borrowed" a diaper. Such topics frequently get into a dispute about the ethical issues and reasoning that stealing said diaper was the only way to obtain one under the conditions.
Even before I was asked to join by an ADISC member who had read my contributions to When Kids Love Diapers that topic introduced some lively debate here. To be blunt, my own early posts on this subject were greeted with a certain amount of disbelief.
Since GrandPa joined us in February he has discussed his own early years at daycare, then his adult need for diapers in bed. For a few weeks we all have discussed the situation of his 6 year-old grandson "D" stealing a lot of diapers, only some from family members. Most recently we were told "D" saw a seemingly fresh disposable in a Wal-Mart parking lot. By then D's mother had looked at the WKLD mirror website. According to GrandPa his daughter who is D's mom followed the WKLD suggestions. Unfortunately before she read the website she had found a stash of stolen diapers in D's room. She talked that over with D and confiscated the stolen diapers.
When I read such posts I have learned I need to respond as if everything being shared is true. Members here have a right to be suspicious, largely because GrandPa started off admitting his own diaper affectation as a child of 4 and 5.
The way I see it, this hardly means the information about the grandson D is fiction. Over the past 15 years I have met in person countless actual parents faced with similar activities by their children ranging from 4 on up to teenage. The thing is since those parents know nothing about the *B/AB/DL fascination, they do not post on ADISC. We need to face it that hardly any participants here have no diaper affectation.
Here there is also debate about the mental health status of anyone into *B/AB/DL. There is absolutely no evidence any peer reviewed scientific studies have been done into any fetish since before the days of Freud. Who would have the guts to request funding to conduct such research? Even if the research was done, who would publish the results?
My own training in mental health is that typical for litigation attorneys. Beyond Psych 101 during pre-law university, I took all available law school courses to help me make the best use of mental health expert testimony. Since receiving my law licenses I have taken more than required numbers of continuing education courses about forensic psychology as well as the relationship between the insurance industry and mental health providers. As a result of all this I have had protracted conversations with several hundred shrinks. Because I have written extensively about toilet learning, urinary incontinence and Adult Baby, a surprising number of shrinks have contacted me. At least none have come to my home wearing white coats and carrying large nets, with straight-jackets and a padded van parked conveniently.
The consensus I get from all this discussion is that within the spectrum of compulsive behaviors, by itself infantilism is not considered a problem. While there is no good research the working theory based on case reports is that attempts to remove an attachment to infantilism will result in replacement with a more risky behavior, such as smoking, drinking or taking drugs. On that basis most qualified mental health counselors try to help infantilists learn how to act-out discreetly.
Originally WKLD had a few goals. First we suggested being sure the young person curious about diapers was in fact already an infantilist. Second we wanted to avoid the complication of the potential infantilist getting in the bad habit of stealing diapers or anything else. Third we advocated parents remain calm.
The least expensive or invasive way to find out if a kid wanting a diaper is a confirmed infantilist is to provide a bag of the appropriate size diapers. Often the discomfort of wearing a diaper night after night is enough to discourage the interest, especially if the parents do not react beyond buying the diapers and setting some common sense guidelines.
Providing a bag of diapers is less expensive than defense attorneys and shrinks. If the kid gives up diapers after wearing just a few with parental permission, then that problem went away. If providing the diapers prevented the kid from getting better and better at stealing and concealing diapers, then that is good.
In the case of young "D" unfortunately his stealing diapers was not corrected immediately. My suggestion is that the primary ethical duty of D's adult relatives is protecting D's best interests. GrandPa should have calmly told D's mother when the theft was discovered at the party. Perhaps that was not the first time D stole a diaper. but it also could have been the first time given D was hardly good at that.
Since there is no safe and effective way of making infantilism go away, the pragmatic management is to teach discreet and common sense ways to act out. To do this the adults involved need the trust of the young person. We do not know if D was punished in any way when the hoard of stolen diapers was discovered by his mother, beyond the stash being confiscated. Unfortunately D would feel frustrated because he was thwarted obtaining his material fetish, namely diapers.
Therefore what a stroke of good luck some random parent lost a fresh diaper in the Wal-Mart parking lot shortly before D saw it. The way he focused on said diaper effectively communicated to his mother he is an infantilist. Of course the rest of us concluded that when the stash was discovered.
Members have posted the mother was abusive when "forcing" D to wear the new diapers to bed and to use them. That is not the way I interpret GrandPa's most recent post. Below is a cut and paste of the portion about the rules:
As he was talking, she couldn't help but think; why am I keeping something so innocent and harmless as diapers away from him? It is not like he is asking for something really bad or immoral, it is just diapers! Just a form of underwear!!! So why should I not let him have some?
So she asked him, "if I give you a diaper, how would you want to "play" with it?" He said he would only want to have it at nighttime like he was doing before. So she said, "ok, I will buy you some diapers but there will be some rules. You will be wearing it like it is supposed to be worn and not just "playing" with it or putting it in your underwear. But only at nighttime, I will not make you wear it during the daytime. You will use the whole bag of diapers without stopping. And the first time, I will put it on you to teach you how to do it. Because you will be expected to wet it like a diaper is supposed to be used and I don't want it leaking on the bed. So I will be seeing you totally undressed. So how do you feel about these rules"? (she told my wife that she wanted to make the rules like this to try one last time to discourage him if that were possible)
He quickly looked at her and said, "Oh please Mommy, can you buy some for me"? So they went in to Wal-Mart and she bought him some diapers to fit him and even some added things.
Probably GrandPa did not express himself well. He cannot know exactly what was said by D or D's mother. It is very important when trying to find out if a kid is already an infantilist that the kid wear each diaper long enough to feel the sensations, including wetting. Perhaps D's mother should not have mentioned needing to wet, mostly because she already had conclusive physical evidence D had wet many diapers.
Yes, since D's mother had no way of being sure her son had ever correctly put on a diaper big enough to fit him, it was appropriate she teach him how to do that. Had I been asked I would have suggested that while buying the bag of diapers and "some added things" she also purchase at least two quality waterproof sheets for D's bed.
My suggestion is his mother should have used as many diapers as needed that afternoon to teach D how to put one on, perhaps while he was wearing cotton briefs for privacy. Under her supervision D should have put on and removed some diapers. It those fit him and were bought at Wal-Mart they had re-fastenable hook & loop tabs so hardly any diapers would be sacrificed during the lesson.
In my experience the mistake is not requiring D to handle his own diapering from the first night. If D had delayed toilet learning or enuresis at age 6 he should be able to put on some form of diaper. If incontinent that would normally be a pull-up or even a GoodNites to encourage use of a toilet. My suggestion would have been that once D learned to put on and remove his diaper, the bag stay in his room, along with a good diaper pail. If D wakes up in the night wet, he needs the option of changing himself. If he is diapered and wants to use a toilet, he must be allowed to do so.
Look, by the time his mother bought D the diapers at Wallyworld it was obvious D is a confirmed infantilist. His wearing diapers in bed is not going to remove his infantilism nor will it increase his diaper fascination. However, if D thinks he cannot remove his diaper, wearing a diaper night after night could cause him some bladder control. That would not render him incontinent, but it would not improve his day control either.
Okay, this is a massive block of text with no fun illustrations. I am sorry but this is a mature topic so as a responsible adult I need to write for actual parents. Someday many of our members might become actual parents. It will be fascinating to see how their attitudes change.
Meanwhile I anticipate positive and negative comments.