As of the past month or so I've been struggling with depression and major mood swings. Everyday I have an episode it seems. Its quite embarrassing, so embarrassing I only told one person in real life. She wants me to get help.
Even I would like to get help... the suicidal thoughts, migranes, and disturbed sleep patterns are really getting in the way of my life. I know logically I don't want to die, but I wonder if there really is a point to existance. When I'm having an episode I feel numb. I become observant of the world around me; realizing that everything is meaningless in the end.
Triumphs,memories, love are all just distractions...theres really nothing to life other than eventual death. Years from now well be a memory, years from that well be a name, years from that well be non existant and long forgotten. So whats the point? Yes i know im going to get "oh life is about enjoying your self...have fun", which I agree with to a point but...other than the feelings of joy is there really a point to enjoyment?
Along with the mental anguish I'm also feeling an array of physical symptoms. I seem to fall into a trance...i often loose minutes to hours. When I come uot of this i usually am in a much much better mood but my head hurts so much and I get very dizzy. If i was in a very long trance my muscles in general hurt...
Meh now that I've rambled on forever I'm wondering what people have done for their depression... I can't tell my parents about this...so that means no therapy for me. I went to a mental hospital a few times and I had bad experiences with parental involvement.
I want to take care of this myself. Is there any natural remodies to feeling this way? What has worked for you... please share :]
also does anyone else experience exactly what i do? because i think the physical things are a bit weird.