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Thread: Hoping For Failure?

  1. #1

    Default Hoping For Failure?

    More then a few times in my life I have hope for some form of failure, when I should be rooting for success. For example last year when my hard drive was dying and I thought I had a bad virus.. every time I was resetting my computer in the back of my mind I was hoping the problem was still there. That's despite me working on the issue for around 2 hours. It felt like im the Joker from The Dark Knight not wanting anything to be fixed, and just wanted chaos.

    Has anyone else ever had something similar happen?

  2. #2

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    I know what you mean by this, and can honestly say that I've definitely had my times where I was like this. It was especially the case with my depression. It's like I just wanted to keep feeling bad, even though I truly wanted to be doing better. The same was also the case with my Sensory Processing Disorder after I first found out about it. After years of feeling like I never fit in anywhere, I had finally found a place where I felt at home. For a little while, I almost didn't want my symptoms and issues to go away, just because it made me feel like I would somehow 'not belong' if I didn't still suffer from the problem at all times. Okay, I'm beyond that for the most part by now, but it was still true at one point.

    Now, as far as what you're referring to in particular, perhaps you wanted even more of a challenge? Were you feeling at all bored? That can be kind of fun, like a task to keep you busy for a little while. I don't know... either that or you're a techie masochist .

    Good thread, I'm surprised I'm the first to respond.

  3. #3

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    I'm just the opposite. I so wish things would get easier in my life. One day my wife's foot is a little better, the next, like tonight,it's worse. My job change now works me full tilt from the moment I get to work, to the moment I leave. Countless things go from bad to worse, and I desperately need a break from them. The likely hood of things improving diminishes every day. So for me, I yearn for things to go well.

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by spddan View Post
    I know what you mean by this, and can honestly say that I've definitely had my times where I was like this. It was especially the case with my depression. It's like I just wanted to keep feeling bad, even though I truly wanted to be doing better.

    Now, as far as what you're referring to in particular, perhaps you wanted even more of a challenge? Were you feeling at all bored? That can be kind of fun, like a task to keep you busy for a little while. I don't know... either that or you're a techie masochist .

    Good thread, I'm surprised I'm the first to respond.
    I think the cause of mine is exactly what caused yours, depression. I wasn't hoping for a challenge since frankly I am not great with computers, even though my family thinks I am. All I ever done was follow others instructions, though sometimes I fixed stuff by screwing around with it.

    But really I was pissed off my computer kept crashing to blue screen of death on boot up, then I managed to figure out. So yeah, maybe depression is the cause of this.

    "Misery Loves Company."

  5. #5

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    I sorta know how you feel, though it is a little different. Sometimes I just wish society would collapse into chaos instead of a constant cycle of good, bad, good, bad, etc. What I really want is for everything to be good, but it seems like if that can't happen, then things should just go completely downhill and stay that way. That would stop the teasing of the whole back-and-forth/good-to-bad cycle. I will say again that I don't really want disasters to happen, but occasionally it just seems like society deserves it. Karma, maybe. Sometimes it's just hard to see the good in humanity because it's too fleeting.

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by ShippoFox View Post
    I sorta know how you feel, though it is a little different. Sometimes I just wish society would collapse into chaos instead of a constant cycle of good, bad, good, bad, etc. What I really want is for everything to be good, but it seems like if that can't happen, then things should just go completely downhill and stay that way. That would stop the teasing of the whole back-and-forth/good-to-bad cycle. I will say again that I don't really want disasters to happen, but occasionally it just seems like society deserves it. Karma, maybe. Sometimes it's just hard to see the good in humanity because it's too fleeting.
    I understand how one could feel that way. Right now with the oil leak in the gulf coast, I been happy they haven't been able to fix it. Not because I want animals to suffer, or people along the gulf coast to suffer (I like eating shrimp). I just want to see what happens once we see we can't fix everything and how mother nature will deal with the problem, much like she did with Chernobyl.

  7. #7

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    I agree with what Shippo is saying. It kinda connect into my whole feeling of good or bad, not both. (I've never been good with mixes of things or "the middle", I tend to gravitate to one end of the spectrum).
    Also, spddan, I feel the same way you do, too. I have Avoidant personality disorder Avoidant personality disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia and Social anxiety disorder Social anxiety disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. In a way I sorta like having the label, and fitting in. But I also know it's like, a curse, kinda... >.< Call me nuts, but theres a lot of time when I actually think to myself, I wish my life was all gloomy and screwed up like a lot of people's are. Because my life isn't close to amazing and awesome like some other's are. And as I said before, I have a problem with "middle settings" lol, my life is just... blah. Nothing special, same ol' same ol'. So I actually hope sometimes, that it would get worse, it would be my excitement I guess.
    Anyway, Firefox cute lil bunny! As for your mention of depression, I could say I have some depression, definitely. I'm suicidal so yeah. >.> I think that has to do with it too. Besides, I find it fairly odd that I was raised in a "good" home without a lot of drama a lot of people that develop problems, have had. I have these problems, yet there's no "reason" that I can find, other than being pre-mature and being a drug baby o.O and I'll admit, using Marijuana has probably made my issues worse, but I'm still confused as to how it all happened. My left eye was poked out by my dad on accident when I was 4, so I was bullied and teased a lot for that in school and I had ADHD and was put on Ritalin, I don't know, I guess I'm rambling now, Ima shut up >_<

  8. #8

    Smile



    Quote Originally Posted by Fire2box View Post
    I understand how one could feel that way. Right now with the oil leak in the gulf coast, I been happy they haven't been able to fix it. Not because I want animals to suffer, or people along the gulf coast to suffer (I like eating shrimp). I just want to see what happens once we see we can't fix everything and how mother nature will deal with the problem, much like she did with Chernobyl.
    Sometimes the world feels so crazy that it's hard to make sense of anything - including your own feelings. I usually have no idea how I'm feeling... Maybe your response to the oil disaster is something like, "I know this is bad, but I don't feel bad about it; I almost don't care at all. I know I should feel something, so I hope it gets worse as that might at last make me feel something."

    I dunno - not trying to put words in your mouth or anything.


  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by tiny View Post
    Sometimes the world feels so crazy that it's hard to make sense of anything - including your own feelings. I usually have no idea how I'm feeling... Maybe your response to the oil disaster is something like, "I know this is bad, but I don't feel bad about it; I almost don't care at all. I know I should feel something, so I hope it gets worse as that might at last make me feel something."

    I dunno - not trying to put words in your mouth or anything.


    Frankly I don't see how it can get any worse. I know the thing is a problem and it's going to affect fishing down there and possibly much more then that. However I know that animals die everyday, but we make a big deal about it if we caused it, intentionally or not. Yes it does suck for the animals that died because they did nothing wrong and where only in the wrong place/wrong time.

    maybe now I am finally starting to feel bad about the accident, even though I personally (hell, all of us at adisc) have nothing to do with it. <_>

  10. #10

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    I feel lke this alot of the time with my hearing - i just want to go deaf and get it over with.

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