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Thread: Look for relationships? (How to go about it?)

  1. #1

    Default Look for relationships? (How to go about it?)

    Quite simply, how much effort should you put in when looking for a relationship?

    A little bit of backstory. With my minimal experience (1 relationship) that you should avoid relationships out of desperation, especially when it turns out you don't get on with a person as much as you think you did. Also learned, almost in the worst way possible, that you should avoid a relationship out of lust - especially a kinky one. Thankfully avoided that one before getting into it though. But now I'm starting to get an idea of what a healthy relationship looks like. And I want one. Lots. I just have to see two people in a happy relationship - even a heterosexual one (i.e. one I'm not even interested in) and I get incredibly jealous.

    So - if I want to get one, how much effort should I put into it? At the moment there is no one I know well enough and like well enough in that way that I would consider a serious relationship with them. I'm not sure there ever has been. And I've been told lots of different things about it.

    On the one hand you seem to have these people who join loads and loads of dating websites, go out to bars regularly looking for people, go out regularly speed dating. Really put a lot of effort into trying to find someone.

    Then on the other hand you get people who don't seem to put much effort in at all. Eventually (I'm not pretending it's always a quick thing) someone just turns up and everything just goes well.

    How much effort would you put in looking for a relationship? What would you recommend in general? Any comments in general along the lines of putting effort into looking for a relationships?

  2. #2


    Wow, to me it always seem that when I'm single and lonely that no one even wants to be near me, but as soon as someone shows some interest in me then everyone else does as well.

    In my experience it's always a good thing to be making new friends, all the time, and if these people end up becoming someone you like and can date, then that's good, and if they don't then you still have a shedload full of new fun friends, and maybe through them you'll meet someone.

    I do try not to put a lot of effort into looking for someone. The only time I can recall actively seeking out a relationship, was when I had a massive crush on this one guy. I lusted after him for months. Our mutual friends finally set us up, and... it did NOT go well.

    So to recap: go out and meet lots of people, be happy for the new friends you make, be ecstatic if it turns into something more!

  3. #3


    Just get out and socialize. Every relationship I've been in has started this way, and if you meet someone while you're out doing something (say, disc golf) then you know that you two have at least one thing in common.

    Ask girls if they have single friends, women love playing matchmaker.

  4. #4


    Quote Originally Posted by 1foreveryoung1 View Post
    Just get out and socialize. Every relationship I've been in has started this way, and if you meet someone while you're out doing something (say, disc golf) then you know that you two have at least one thing in common.

    Ask girls if they have single friends, women love playing matchmaker.
    Eh, not like that we don't!

  5. #5


    Well...honestly I didn't put much effort into finding my bf, really. We just met from something we both worked for, and started talking a lot...after that he asked me out like a week later. and here we are, 3 months in.

    Other people need kind of a boost I guess, since they're kinda shy to talk to people who they don't know anything about. Just do what Tal and everyone above is saying, that's really the best way. Just get out and meet people- bars are fine for that if you want, but lookout for people who just want one night stands. xD

  6. #6


    I think you simply just have to get out there and meet new people.

    The way I see it is this, you either:
    1) Start going out with a friend
    2) Go out with a friend of a friend you end up meeting
    3) Find somebody new randomly

    1) is probably a bad idea in general. For 2) this depends on making new friends, and eventually meeting somebody you're attracted to who is single and interested.
    Become better friends with acquaintances, and you're bound to meet their other friends.
    For 3) do some speed dating or something.

    Maybe join a LGBT group?

    I don't think that you should be spending lots of effort on finding somebody, it should happen quite naturally. I think just actively trying to meet new people will result in meeting somebody to go out with.

  7. #7


    I put in a lot- but the people I usually end up with seem to have taken the least amount of initial effort! They're people I met at kink events (which I went to for fun, not to meet partners) or through mutual friends. I'm on a dating website (OKCupid) which I rather like, but even after several months I've never ended up meeting someone from there more than once in person.

  8. #8


    Just put in what you feel comfortable with, if it happens it happens, if it doesn't...keep waiting, it will in due time(Rushing the stuff by constantly trying to meet someone is a good way to overlook good relationships in a circle you are already familiar with)

    Just my opinion though - And this may take a while, hell, wanted to meet someone for 3 yrs and as of yet, not even conversed with someone I could handle being around for more than an hour :P

  9. #9


    Thanks for the advice everyone.

    Now I just need to find how to meet people with all societies closed for the exam period and soon going home to my parents over summer...

  10. #10


    How about you join a club when you go home? There must be some leasuire clubs in your area?

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