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Thread: A carer you aren't in a relationship with...

  1. #1

    Default A carer you aren't in a relationship with...

    I'm a noobie, but I've search and read what I can around here...I kind of get the impression that a lot of people want the mommy/daddy/carer position to be taken up by someone they're in a relationship with (because of the trust and love etc already there). And whilst, it's mostly unrealistic to think that it could be that way all the time, some enjoy AB session with their partners, in various ways - sometimes sexual, sometimes not.

    I don't know if this is unsual or not, and maybe it is because of the non-sexual nature of my ABness, but I am not interested in a 'relationship' with a carer. In my situation it wouldn't feel right. I'd like someone who would just sometimes take care of me. An older female. I guess in an extension of how my therapist held and rocked me in me sleep. (sleep study thing). Like I don't actually remember (because I was asleep) but when she told me I just felt like there was this want inside of me. Like I just want to be cuddled up and kept safe. But not in a way that a sexual partner would provide...for me, it would complicate things.

    Sorry if I'm being confusing/unclear. I just wondered what people's thought experiences are on being mothered by/mothering (or otherwise) someone who is not your partner.

  2. #2


    I find it to be a very intimate thing, and it is something that I could only ever do as a part of a relationship. Not because it's sexual (but it can be), but just because it's something I think of as loving.

    But with that said, maybe it's the relationship that makes the babying intimate... perhaps babying outside of a relationship would be fine, just not intimate.

    I think babying or being babied by somebody I wasn't invovled with would be like drunkenly kissing a friend, maybe fun at the time but not really worth it in the grand scheme of things!

  3. #3


    I'm with you Charlie F, in part because I'm more of a private person. But yes, you would think you would want some sort of meaningful relationship with the nurturing person, because for me at least, there would be extreme trust issues. That's why my wife is the only one.

  4. #4


    Actually, I can see myself willing to be taken care of by someone who I am not in a relationship with. In fact, in September I'm flying to California to be taken care of by a man that I'm only friends with.

    For me, I would enjoy to be taken care of by someone I'm not in a romantic relationship with. It's possible to be loved and be loving even if you're not sexually interested in each other.

    Of course, I would like to be romantically involved with someone AND be able to experience the AB aspect of things.

    So I can definitely understand where you're coming from.

  5. #5


    Thank you for your thoughts. Yes - I totally can see that it needs to be someone you trust very intimately.

    I guess, with my situation, I have a lot of people around me who do sort of mother me, in the 'normal' sense but aren't my know, worry about how I"m doing, am I eating and sleeping/looking after myself, who knit me warm things, and who are all huggy and kissy and call me by terms of endearment. Partly I guess it's how I look. Very young and 'fragile' looking.

    In that context of course they are more mother-like, than partner/sexual-partnerish. I guess that's what I was trying to say in my OP. That that is the kind of carer I see for myself, rather than in the context of a relationship.

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