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Thread: Self Mutilation

  1. #1

    Default Self Mutilation

    I started a topic like this a few years ago and thought it might be a good idea to bring it back.

    Basically this thread is meant for those that cut or burn or do some other sort of self mutilation. We could also expand this thread to include those struggling with eating disorders.

    Why do you do it? What do you do to keep from harming yourself? Do you want to stop?

    I started cutting in sixth grade, and I've struggled with it ever since. After my parents divorced, I just felt so alone and scared. I had read about cutting on the internet and thought to myself, "Hey, if it works for them, maybe it can work for me!" I soon started down a slippery slope. I closed myself off from the world and didn't talk to anyone about anything.

    Cutting just felt so good, you know? With each incision, I felt a rush of adrenalin.

    I made a decision to stop cutting year before last. I couldn't stop altogether, but I didn't cut as much as often. I haven't cut in a couple of months, but I still think about it whenever I feel depressed.

    Now whenever I feel depressed, I just talk to my friends or play on the computer. I just keep myself occupied until the feeling passes.
    Last edited by Lizzie; 03-May-2010 at 02:25.

  2. #2

    Default

    I cut when I was younger. Cutting is often an indication of sexual abuse. For me I was extremely depressed, and it was a release for me and i also saw it as a cry for help. I thought I was the only one in the world that did it until I talked with a therapist about it, and it took me a long time to convince the therapist that I wasn't abused sexually. But I did suffer from mental and physical abuse as a child.

  3. #3
    2low

    Default

    Replace the cutting with the diapers ? i dunno dosent it do the same when depressed ?
    For me it helps when mad or such ! but i was never a fan of hurting myself on uh purpose

    Adrenaline ? i could find many sports that will give you just that

  4. #4

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by diaperkevin View Post
    I cut when I was younger. Cutting is often an indication of sexual abuse. For me I was extremely depressed, and it was a release for me and i also saw it as a cry for help. I thought I was the only one in the world that did it until I talked with a therapist about it, and it took me a long time to convince the therapist that I wasn't abused sexually. But I did suffer from mental and physical abuse as a child.
    I had never heard that it was a sign of sexual abuse. I've only ever heard of it being a sign of depression. Although, it would make sense that if you were sexually abused you would be depressed.

  5. #5

    Default

    One of the young woman we had as a student (in the DL/BDSM scene) broke down one night and told us all about being a cutter when she was a kid.

    She said she didn't know why other than most of the time she didn't feel anything at all. Not happy not sad, the pain was a feeling for her.

    I often wondered if she turned over control of her body to use because we would love her when she was good and the love was very strong and very deep and punish her when she was bad, and as anyone who has been around this lifestyle knows, the pain can be.... releasing, restorative...powerful deeply emotional experience.

  6. #6
    Butterfly Mage

    Default

    My cutting incidents are related to my dissociative disorder. My consciousness is essentially divided into five parts. One of the darker parts deals with negative thoughts and negative emotions. That part of me sometimes takes over and inflicts injury on the body. When that part takes over, my body goes numb. So I/we don't feel it when it happens.

  7. #7

    Default

    Ironicly i actually picked up cutting after I got out of the hospital for attempting suicide. One day I was at school and a lot of people were harrasing me and making my life miserable and I had a black out of sorts. Before that i had been cutting but not frequently. When I snapped out if it I was in the school bathroom with blood dripping from my wrist, some how I drew blood with a plastic knife. I got it to stop since it wasn't too deep and went into the guidance office, the lady immediately knew something was wrong. Like a few days before i had a med dose upped and I looked like i was stoned out of my mind... I really wasn't playing with even half a deck.
    They called in the schools crisis councilor (as much as i liked her she could be a bitch) who didn't believe I cut and didn't remember it and was choosing to do it for attention. From there they called my mom who got me back into the hospital. While I was there I picked up the rubber band on my wrist thing which I still do sometimes. The crisis lady didn't like it and seemed to take joy in snapping it when my hand was in reach and I wasn't paying attention iirc.
    Today I still do use the rubber band from time to time but more often than not my anger, depression and whatnot seems to be more directed outwards although much of the time not at the source of the problem. I should be going back to a shrink here soon just for some maintenance, will have therapy again and probably have drugs back just to stabilize again.

  8. #8
    curiousitykitten

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    my body disgusts me, sometimes i starve myself. I'll come up with a more elaborate answer later

  9. #9

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    Who knows if it really counts or not, but gauging out my ears has been a nice coping mechanism for feeling down and crappy times :S

  10. #10

    Default

    Lizzie I remember the original thread vividly, as well as some of the respondents. The one that made me cry was a young male member who said that he liked to stand in the shower, cut himself, and watch the blood run down the drain. I told my minister about this site (not the diaper part) and he had me give a sermon on my insights. I quoted from your thread Lizzie, just one or two, but the one in the shower. It was hard for me to get through it without crying again. The gist of the sermon was that we as parents, don't know our children at all, or what goes on behind closed doors.

    As for me, yes, I cut when I was a child, 6th grade through high, and college. I was sexually abused and physically abused by other boys when I was young, though I don't think that's why I did it. Quite frankly, I'm not sure why I cut myself, except I think it was a, "how deep shall I cut this time. Maybe I'll cut real deep and end it all." I also used to set my arm on fire with lighter fluid, and I would push pins through my arm. I did that in class once. I caught the eye of a pretty girl and whispered, "Hey, you want to see something?" Oh yeah she screamed!

    I also remember that when we had this thread, a moderator interrupted us and urged us to not glamorize cutting. He was concerned about the mental health of some of our members. Sometimes it seems glamorous to have these kinds of problems, but there's no fun or joy in the internal pain that causes such things. Being happy and well adjusted is much better, and living life productively. Find things which make you happy, not sad. And like someone so wisely said, it's a whole lot better to wear and wet a diaper than to cut. That's crazy enough...haha.

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