Well I finally broke a 28 year secret with my wife of 18 1/2 years and 5 children later. Up until that point it was just a secret that God and I shared. Wearing diapers as you all know is not one of those topics you can bring up in casual conversation.
My wife and I have been working on our relationship to the point of falling madly, deeply in love all over again. With a closeness that I have never had before I felt confident that I could share with her my deepest darkest secret. I have shared personal secrets in the past that may be an equal but seem more "normal" than what I was about to reveal. She was ok with those issues, and rather accepted me for who I was. At the time I thought "I have an amazing wife".
But what about diapers. I love them, and how could I expect my wife to understand, or accept them when I couldn't possibly explain my desires nor understand it myself. Besides what if she didn't accept them, then what? Would I be willing to give up diapers for her love? You would think that would be an easy question, and while I would reluctantly give up diapers, I would probably selfishly resent her in private. I mean I don't really have a right to expect her to accept me, when I am not exactly the person she thought she married. Uh, pardon me, but I wear diapers, for fun. Don't know why, but I am willing to spend a lot of money to feel “normal”.
This past year we have become closer than ever before, accepting each other, and having a love that goes much deeper than “I love you if” its what I call unconditional love. My heart got to the point of yearning to tell her because I wanted no secrets between us, but I also wanted to know that she would accept me and not reject me. There was NO guarantee here; this was a path that must be walked by faith and a trust in our love.
Well the day came, or should I say night. We were about to make Love, we were laying there talking about us, our children and our lives in general. Side Note: Bring up diapers after making love, not before, it is a romance killer. She was trying to get out of me why I didn’t let her grab me a few days earlier. ( A first in our marriage) It was because I was wearing a diaper. I carelessly (on purpose) wore a diaper around her because I wanted her to find out by touching rather than me saying anything. However, being caught off guard, I escaped by having fast as lighting reflexes. Come to find out later, I am glad I told her first rather than her finding one on me.
When we were talking I didn't come out and say that I wore diapers, I beat around the bush, and then she caught on. She was really shocked, to say the least, and laughed away the very thought of her husband in a diaper. She had no idea. And of course she wouldn't. The first rule of wearing diapers is “don't get caught.”
What else could she do? I knew she was just laughing for the sake of being in shock. Of course she was saying that she is fine with this, but I knew that was a "knee jerk" response until reality finally set in. Of course we didn't make love as I was now bombarded by a 1000 diaper questions. I encouraged questions, and even threw some out myself. I wanted to be completely open and honest with her and leave no rock unturned. I had to reveal everything about me so that she knew. I didn’t want to lead her astray to ease the thought of her husband in a diaper. She couldn’t believe I pee’ed in them, which I thought was a funny thought. What else would I do in them? (I’m not into going #2). It was funny as I rehearsed all the times that I was around her in a diaper and she didn’t know. You can do this when you know your spouse and her touching habits etc.
At this point I didn't have any control over whether she was going to accept the idea or not, I was more liberated and feeling free that I finally broke down and told someone, and it happened to be my best friend (wife). Of course I was very concerned of how she felt. As a man my number one goal is to be accepted by the ones I love and care about. The next few days would be a test of her proclaimed sincerity and acceptance.
Honestly, over the next few days I had a hard time looking her in the eyes and she sensed that. (We have a very spiritual relationship in which we can sense when things aren’t right) I guess I felt like a dog who just pooed on the carpet and couldn't show his face around his master. I kept fielding questions. Sensing that things weren’t right she finally made peace with the idea. She was never mad, just confused. (I’m confused - I don’t know why I feel normal in a diaper ) She did research online that calmed her fears down, and came to me and said, "If this is who you are, then I accept you for being you, I just want you to be you". WOW! Of course this caught me off guard. She was as sincere as I have ever seen her. She just was amazed that she never knew over the past 18 1/2 years. In her defense, I never wore them around the home, I would always wear them at work, business trips, out on town etc. I would wear them around her out in public when I knew I could control her hands by holding them. She can be grabby at times.
For my wife, it was much better to tell her than to surprise her by wearing one.
May 1, 2010
Well my wife has held true to her conviction that all is well with me wearing diapers. I have questioned her conviction at times over the past few months and end up getting myself into trouble for not believing her. (My own personal insecurities – For crying out loud I wear diapers ) My wife is my best friend. There is only one catch. She is not ready to see me in a diaper buck naked. I can respect that. I am a manly man. It is quite emasculating to see me in a diaper, even I would agree to that. I hope some day she comes around to the idea. Other than that, there are no other strings attached. I wear them whenever, however, I want, including to bed. She doesn’t mind cuddling up with a wet or dry diaper. She even gives me a playful diaper check by tapping to see if I am wet or dry. It is all in the way the diaper sounds. Bottom line: She doesn’t want me to stop being me. We have a GREAT relationship going right now. I tell her that my greatest fear is that I don’t want to ever regret telling her. I don’t believe I ever will.
I told her just the other day that since I told her about wearing diapers I have gained 4 pounds ( Now in 18 years of marriage I have only gained 6 pounds). I said I think I have put the weight on as a result of not stressing anymore about it. She said, “Well, are you sure it just isn’t Baby Fat?” She is very quick quipped. She really is funny when it comes to diapers. How blessed I have been for having a wife that loves me and accepts me for this part of my life. This situation could have turned either way, but by telling her the whole truth and nothing but the truth, our relationship has gone to another level, a closeness that I did not know existed.
My wife has always told me she loves me several times a day, and I used to wonder, “If you only knew I wore diapers”. I always felt it was conditional because she didn’t know the whole truth. Now that my wife knows everything about me, I believe her when she says it, because she accepts me.
The only way to be unconditionally loved is to be completely honest, else you might think, “If they only knew”
Unfortunately, not every ending is going to be like this. I believe mine did because my relationship with my wife grew to a point that I couldn’t keep a secret from her any longer. Timing is everything. If you want to tell your “significant other” of a deep secret you have, then nourish your relationship to a point in which you feel they can be trusted. You wouldn’t bring up secrets about yourself if you are engaged in a fight or are on the outs. I’m not even suggesting you tell them before marriage. I am suggesting you tell them when the time is right, when you feel it is right. Just because you are dating someone does not mean you automatically trust them with your skeletons in the closet.