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Thread: What is the attitude of your urologist?

  1. #1

    Default What is the attitude of your urologist?

    Here's a question and situation that I would like to ask of those of you out there that deal with incontinence.

    What is the typical attitude you get from a urologist about managing incontinence with diapers?

    I have been dealing with bladder control problems all my life (and the occasional bowel issue as well, yuck!). I grew up in diapers. At the same time, I fight very nasty headaches known as cluster headaches. These are nasty beasts that give me the equivalent of a migraine headache every four hours, six times a day, every day, seven days a week, 365 days a year. This has been going on constantly for over a decade now

    I watch very closely the medications I take for my headaches--they are critical and screwing around with my body chemistry isn't something I can do on a whim. I'm not just going to willy-nilly throw a new medication into the mix when a urologist decides that I shouldn't be in diapers or I switch to a new urologist or whatever. Because of this, I actually tend to avoid going to urologists if I can anymore.

    When I started having all my testicular pain, I went to the first urologist diapered as normal, and he dismissed my pain as "insignificant" so that he could concentrate on my lifelong bladder problems. I told him I had come to terms with it and the pain was my major issue I wanted dealt with, he said I needed to be out of the diapers, that I shouldn't be 'giving up so easily'.

    I made sure I didn't wear diapers to the following urologists. The pain hurt too damn much (I had called up and immediately canceled my follow-up appointment with the first urologist, what an A**hole).

    So what about you? When you go to a new urologist or similar, do you get medications pushed in your face? Do you get the doctor arguing with you that you need to be out of diapers? Do they act like you've given up trying to do anything about your incontinence because you manage it with diapers (or other similar product)? Have they tried telling you that you're not fighting hard or living life because you have a diaper on for incontinence management? Do they ignore you when you talk to them because they can't stop focusing on the fact that you've decided to use diapers?

    Or are you fortunate enough that they just shut up and follow along?

    I know medications are a slippery slope for me, and I won't stand for them to be pushed in my face. So I just wonder if I'm the only one who faces this when I show up at the doctor with a diaper on my butt.

  2. #2


    I understand your side just as well, and it was pretty unprofessional of the urologist not to focus on the issues most important to you, but it seems like he was only trying to help you. He obviously didn't understand the situation and your feelings about the diapers and it seems like he was just trying to help out with what struck him as your most critical problem.
    I'm not saying you should like him or even see him ever again, but caring about a patient isn't a typical sign of an asshole.

  3. #3


    Sounds like the male urologist you write about is old-school from the era when urology was more about reproductive issues and incontinence was a waste of physician's time. Of course such an old-school urologist should have been concerned about your testicular pain. Perhaps he was distracted by your diapers.

    The good news is that in the San Francisco Bay Area you are close to the Stanford Medical School featuring one of the outstanding urology residency programs in the world.

    Why not ask your primary care physician for a referral to a urology practice with post 1990 training?

  4. #4


    Angela, I did get an eventual referral to Stanford, where an orchiectomy was performed in February of last year. It immediately relieved my pain, thank goodness. Of course, I was getting to the point where I was getting very angry with the second urologist I had because he refused to accept that I didn't want to go with the treatment option he wanted me to take. Once I had an appointment with Stanford, I never saw that guy again.

    I felt the first doctor was very unprofessional and hence my reason for not seeing him again. Especially for the fact that he was working in a medical plaza that was highly prized for not allowing just "any" doctor in, but requiring interviews, etc. before a board of directors and other doctors and on top of this, doctors that work in this medical plaza have to maintain very high levels of professionalism or they will be kicked out. Complaints are not taken lightly.

    My neurologist and endocrinologist work in the same medical plaza, and they are both extremely good and highly professional. I know the requirements for having an office in the plaza are real because those two have confirmed them with me.

    These aren't the only urologists I've been to. It seems that this is a common thing among the urologists I've seen--diapers are not management but instead admitting defeat. At this point I'm not looking for a new urologist (thank god), but I was wondering if I have to find another one, has everybody else run into this as well? Or is it just me?

  5. #5


    Well i had made posts a long time ago in detail about my urologist and the first time i saw him but basicaly he was a complete a-hole! It started off normal but then when he said drop 'em for the digital he actually shouted loud enough 'your wearing a diaper!? why are you wearing a diaper?! I was so embarassed and the shock i think kept me from crying right then. When i was leaving and at the front desk i heard him talking to some older guy in a normal voice and i was right by the waiting room so i knew everyone heard him. I got back home and found a review site and layed into him over it. My uncle had a 'very strong' talk with him inbetween adn the next time i saw him he was super nice after that. More and more tests and more people looking and poking at me than i would ever want to later, i ended up getting a bad infection. I had been perscribed caths and had a bit of an accident with one. Well, i won't go into gross detail but before the next appt i had time to look it up. When i went there he didn't even take a sample and gave me some uroxatrol. I asked him 7 times to please look because the pain was horrible and the sac was swolen tight. He finally took me in the other room and you could see the 'omg!' in his eyes. He made a call and sent me right over to get a ultrasound and took a sample. he said he it "was an infection but I can't think of the exact name of it right now". I said "epididyimitis" and he said "yeah, that's it" and looked at me funny. This is a 'specialist'????
    Well i have had 2 others since then. They have all been pill pushers and i even made a comment to one when i saw them for the first time if he was going to really help or give me some of the stuff in the posters all over the waiting room. That wasn't the best idea since i was getting an endoscopy from him. But yeah, I can relate to bad docs!
    I did have one that offered a scrip for diapers but my insurance doesn't take it. Come to find out just last night that medicaid here does pay for it. So I'm gunna look more into that real soon!

  6. #6


    When I was a girl my Mom, Aunt Betsy and Granny all admitted they went to the same urologist because of their urinary incontinence. I remember going to that office when I was 5 only because Granny and Aunt Betsy had appointments leaving nobody else to babysit me at home. I did not meet the urologist that time. From what they said he was nice to them. Two years later when my oldest sister Penny reverted to bedwetting she was taken to the same urologist. Of course back in the 1960s and 1970s all the urologists were men and women seldom were treated by urologists. Our family was therefore an exception. As a result we probably received better than average care.

    We were temporarily living in Iowa when I reverted to bedwetting during the summer of 1976. Since we were going to be living there a whole year, on the long drive there from California I remember Mom telling Penny they had a referral to a urologist in Iowa who had trained with their California urologist. A couple of months later when I was taken to that office it was obvious the staff already were friendly with Mom. Certainly that urologist was kindly to me. Mom told him in front of me that I was learning to pin on my own diapers for bed. Neither the physician nor his RN commented about that. The result of the exam was that I had no unexpected disease. Of course that was long before urologists were using ultrasound. Most of the other tests they routinely do these days had not been invented.

    Once we moved back home to Southern California I did have an exam by our family urologist, who also was super nice to me. In the years that followed I have been examined by urologists at many medical schools, including Stanford, Johns Hopkins, Columbia, Harvard and Memphis. Never were any of those medical professionals rude or dismissive to me. However, none has ever found a way to restore my bladder control.

    I think things have improved since women started receiving training in urology residency programs. That was in the 1990s. About the same time the sub-specialty of incontinence treatment developed. There are several such "continence clinics" in the Los Angeles area. I have been examined by a few of those with no improvement in my bladder control.

    Never have I made my use of diapers or disposable pads a secret from my urologists and never has any of them claimed that my diapers mean I have given up. Sure, my education is as an attorney, but I read most of the same medical journals my urologists read. Despite a common distaste for recommending diapers by old-school traditional urologists there is no evidence that use of diapers to maintain social continence is harmful.

  7. #7


    Angela I understand now why your posts are always so intelligent but i still want to ask to be sure. Are you a LA Lawyer?
    It's cool that you have had a really good experience with your urologists. I have had a lot of good experiences also but they never make much for a good story to talk about. Just nice, good ppl doing their job. I think it's like product reviews or comment cards that get turned in . Most people don't say much unless they had at least a bad thing to say or they were really impressed Overall tho most of the ppl who poke and prod are pretty good and one I guess I'll admit to that was embarassing. There was one person who - one of those instant attractions i guess? - was giving me an exam and I couldn't help but 'show it'. They were very professional and didn't say anything but just backed up to wait. I had to apologize. The response was "most people usually have so much anxiety they don't react like that so I will just take it as a compliment. Do you need to go to the bathroom?" Ugghh.. it was a nice thing to say I guess but I just wanted to shrink thru the table and hide at the thought of them picturing me in the bathroom thinking of them. That was about all it took and I was back to normal in no time and we finished up. I just ran out to the truck but when i got there I couldn't stop laughing.

  8. #8


    Yes, Chris, I am an attorney, licensed since 1988. My office is in Downtown Los Angeles, CA USA. I have been a partner of my law firm since 1993. Our firm only handles corporations. I specialize in litigation and appeals. Our firm also has offices in many other major cities.

  9. #9


    Oh cool! I was wondering if you were like the LA lawyers on tv but daaang corporate law! *is impressed bigtime* I have been told by a few people that I should be a lawyer and others said a doctor. It gets my head to wondering what it's like to make that kinda money and do something fun to!

  10. #10


    I have been both urinary and fecal incontinent since birth(if you want to know why just ask) and have always worn diapers and do to this day....I had 7 surgeries by the time I was 1 year old and plenty since then...I'm now 27 and while I deal with disabilities and medical problems none are life threatning(a few could be later on) I have been to too many doctors to even try and make a good estimate and this has included:urologists(pediatric and adult) gastroentologist(same) and neurologist(same) each visit goes the same including the one I went too 9 months ago I come in he goes over my very long medical history...I tell him ahead of time I wear and have always worn diapers and laid out my reasons ahead of time....and then the speech....there are many options still out there for treatment...ya da yada....and then he asked me if I was okay being a 27 year old guy wearing a diaper and how he felt sad and bad for me....then he had the gall to ignore my previous medical history and write out a prescription for vesicare....not covered by medicaid (my diapers and doublers are!) Vesicare won't help me....I was amoung other defects and problems born with a small bladder(size of a 7 year olds now and not getting bigger) and literaly no bladder or bowel to this day I have no bladder or bowel control but it doesn't stop a doctor from ignoring the limitations of medical science in my case and using the excuse of feeling sorry for me to try and peddle a new drug or surgery on me...and yes I've gotten the "don't give up speech" and incontinence is not a death sentence spiel....there is a difference between accepting a condition and admitting a condition has defeated you....defeated people don't socialize and I am a "social butterfly" who just happens to wear diapers love diapers and be ABdl with out any qualms about close this off I'm done with urologists and other specialists and will not be going back unless I'm dying....or my kidneys start having problems(small kidneys,don't work properly and I have urinary reflux)because to answer your question the doctor usually doesn't share my same attitude...I have no control over my bladder or bowels...I've accepted it!!! ****to the starter of this thread: send me a friends request and go on my profile for messenger looks like we have plenty in common to talk about if you are interested!!!

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