Hi everyone. I only found this forum last night and have been working out my way around since then - no sleep. I was almost in tears (in a good way) in finding a place like this, that I never knew existed - a place where their might be some people a little like me (and little unlike me too!). I guess you get "oh wow, it feels like home posts" all the time! Please excuse my newbie-ness.
I guess the best way to describe myself in context of why I'm here is that I'm a baby, in a child's body, in a largely adult world:
I am an adult, a 32 year old female. I work (usually, but I am on leave at the moment), and I do 'normal' adult things - I love to run and cycle and cook and dance. I am not in a relationship, or really looking. I have a giant cat, no kids.
I have the body of a child. Anorexia has taken all of my 'adultness' away. I am 5'1 and 80lbs. I have no hips or breasts, no menstruation, and absolutely no libido at all. I have a baby face and a soft voice. (gosh I sound more hideous as I go!). Most often people guess my age as 14ish. I wear a children's size 10.
The 'baby' part is still somewhat new to me - I guess it has been a more subconscious thing, only made more aware to me recently. I guess I do 'baby things' without being fully aware of it. I still have a strong suck-reflex in my sleep. I wake-up crying and trying to suck my pillow. Recently my doctor has been perplexed by a number of my health problems that usually occur only in infants. And I have been made aware by my therapist that my anorexia is very much based around a primal need to feed and be fed - without making it sound like something pathological (because I don't believe it is necessarily/exclusively). I can only eat when someone is with me. The only food I have is milk, yogurt, and custard-like foods (hence the username). There are so many more things.
I have been a part of anorexia/ptsd forums before, trying to find some understanding/support, but I am not like the people there. After only a few hours of looking around in this forum..I was just struck with such relief. And although my situation mightn't be quite like anyone elses, I certainly found some understanding for myself.
I found this forum after my therapist suggested trying a pacifier to help me sleep. It did seem so weird and embarrassing for her to suggest that, but I'm learning.
So there's my honesty. Me laid out - in a way that's quite new for even me to see. Hope to get to know you all better (and learn all of the lingo and abbreviations and stop being a painful noob!)