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Thread: Very new - to everything!

  1. #1

    Default Very new - to everything!

    Hi everyone. I only found this forum last night and have been working out my way around since then - no sleep. I was almost in tears (in a good way) in finding a place like this, that I never knew existed - a place where their might be some people a little like me (and little unlike me too!). I guess you get "oh wow, it feels like home posts" all the time! Please excuse my newbie-ness.

    I guess the best way to describe myself in context of why I'm here is that I'm a baby, in a child's body, in a largely adult world:
    I am an adult, a 32 year old female. I work (usually, but I am on leave at the moment), and I do 'normal' adult things - I love to run and cycle and cook and dance. I am not in a relationship, or really looking. I have a giant cat, no kids.
    I have the body of a child. Anorexia has taken all of my 'adultness' away. I am 5'1 and 80lbs. I have no hips or breasts, no menstruation, and absolutely no libido at all. I have a baby face and a soft voice. (gosh I sound more hideous as I go!). Most often people guess my age as 14ish. I wear a children's size 10.
    The 'baby' part is still somewhat new to me - I guess it has been a more subconscious thing, only made more aware to me recently. I guess I do 'baby things' without being fully aware of it. I still have a strong suck-reflex in my sleep. I wake-up crying and trying to suck my pillow. Recently my doctor has been perplexed by a number of my health problems that usually occur only in infants. And I have been made aware by my therapist that my anorexia is very much based around a primal need to feed and be fed - without making it sound like something pathological (because I don't believe it is necessarily/exclusively). I can only eat when someone is with me. The only food I have is milk, yogurt, and custard-like foods (hence the username). There are so many more things.

    I have been a part of anorexia/ptsd forums before, trying to find some understanding/support, but I am not like the people there. After only a few hours of looking around in this forum..I was just struck with such relief. And although my situation mightn't be quite like anyone elses, I certainly found some understanding for myself.

    I found this forum after my therapist suggested trying a pacifier to help me sleep. It did seem so weird and embarrassing for her to suggest that, but I'm learning.

    So there's my honesty. Me laid out - in a way that's quite new for even me to see. Hope to get to know you all better (and learn all of the lingo and abbreviations and stop being a painful noob!)

  2. #2


    Hi Custard,
    Welcome to ADISC.

    What a marvelous introduction!

    Considering your strong need to suck or suckle when trying to sleep, I am sure your therapist is on the right track. In late 1990 I was really depressed that my profound urinary incontinence required me to still be wearing diapers at age 26. Then my youngest sister Missy started telling me about adult babies who want to have fun in diapers. She said they also use pacifiers. I could not remember ever having a pacifier. Missy opened a kitchen drawer, pulled out a pacifier and popped it in her mough.

    Instantly she was in a beatific state. Right away I bought a set of pacifiers and have never regretted doing so.

    Custard, you are surrounded by a whole lot of new friends here. Have some fun.

  3. #3


    Welcome! I'm very glad that you were able to find ADISC.

    We have people from all around the world and all walks of life here, including without a doubt at least one other person dealing with anorexia. Even if you're not, strictly speaking, an AB/DL, I think your open-mindedness towards infantilism will enable you to fit in quite comfortably here. It was an encouragement to read your introduction, as ADISC has helped many people, both adults and teens, deal with and defeat their struggles around infantilism and other bumps in life's road.

    Feel free to post around and participate, and if you wish you may read some rather well-written and informative articles in our wiki and join our IRC chat.

    Again, welcome aboard! I hope you are able to get a lot out of ADISC.


  4. #4


    Hello! Welcome. That's a pretty weird dituation you have. Maybe you can use this forum to have answers. Wow, I wish I had a smaller body...

    ...and it's much better to write correctly than to use lingo and abbreviations.

  5. #5


    Gosh thank you everyone for your replies and support. I feel so comforted being here, I too have little idea that there were even supplies for adult babies and such.

    Angelabauer, thank you so much for sharing that part of your story. I think I want to try a pacifier. My therapist (who had to observe my sleep - long/boring story) said that I get very agitated and upset trying to suck my pillow and I'm comforted by being held and rocked. She said I even root for the breast like an infant! So I think a paci might be a good start for sure!

    Dannytheninja - thank you for the welcome. Yes, my next job is to investigate more of the wiki and attempt the chat function.

    BBfx - thank you for taking the time to reply. Everyone here is so friendly and accepting.

    Off to try the chat....

  6. #6


    Welcome from yet another member. We are a really great support group, so don't feel like you are alone. If something is bothering you, put it up on a thread for support. We don't always have answers, as sometimes there are no answers to the things that affect us, but we sure will be here for you. Many of can relate similar stories, and you will realize that you are not alone. We are a very diverse group. Use us if you need us.

  7. #7


    Intriguing story! Glad to see some people my age joining here and you found the chat too <3 (so awesome)...
    What kind of bike do you ride? Do you ride road or trails?
    Surprised no one has suggested she get a Nuk 5 yet. Did you get a pacifier yet or are you still looking?

  8. #8


    Thank you dogboy and kite!
    I have noth a road and mountain bike. Been sticking to road-racing for now (less stress on my poor bod!)
    AS you know i'm new to all this - Can you get Nuk 4s? I have heard mention of the 3s and 5s. I have a tiny mouth and jaw, would a nuk5 be too big? I doubt we can even get them in NZ, but I have ebay assess. Should I try a baby one first?

  9. #9


    Talk to Peachy about the Nuk sizes, he knows a lot about them. 5's might be too big (if you check the galleries or search the forums I know someone posted a comparison of the 3's, 4's, and 5's and have them side by side.)

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