View Poll Results: How long should a relationship be before you have sex?

70. You may not vote on this poll
  • Less than 2 weeks

    13 18.57%
  • Less than a month

    10 14.29%
  • 2 to 6 months

    22 31.43%
  • 6 months to a year

    9 12.86%
  • over a year

    16 22.86%
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Thread: Sex

  1. #1

    Default Sex

    How long do you wait to have it?

    I am asking this question for the purpose of piece of mind. You see my first serious relationship was a girl. Obviously, she lacked a penis but reguardless it took almost a year for me to feel comfertable doing things (this includes oral and fingering).

    Now I am with a boy. I do feel that I love him, but it obviously doesnt mean hes the one. Ive only known him a little over a month. Weve been dating two weeks and we have made it to third base. However, at first he kind of wierded me out. He would text me asking to hook up and would be all over me. Though when i told him to slow down he respected my reaquest. That display of trustworthyness upped his chances of me dating him and have got our relationship to this point. i feel it has gotten this far in such a short amount of time because he has pushed me, but its also teen hormones and whatnot.

    Now he wants me to have sex. I feel like I somewhat want it but i feel like virginity is a special gift and should only be given to someone you love. Yes, I know this is mighty old fashoned of me but I am someone who loves people based on emotions and feelings for them. Sex is secondary as far as I'm concerned. Though i will say i feel a connection whenever i am with him, and I miss him a lot when im not with him.

    I also would like to mentoin that before, when he would fonddle me I would feel somewhat ashamed. This doesn't make sense rationally, but it does emotionally. I know emotionally I will always love my x. Perhaps she never took my physical virginity, but i gave her my innocence and she is the first person to see my body naked in a sexual way. Of course I allwoed this becausae I trusted her. Again it took me a year to get to this point, but during that time I wasn't comfertable with my own body. I suffered deppression and anorexia, so maybe thats somewhat what sloweed it down...who knows. I just feel wierd going this fast when i went so slow before. It seems im almsot doing her an injustice. I cant look at her the same. But eh...i know part of this is simply me needing to let go. The good thing is this sense of guilt is dwindling...but now the question is....when do i know if i want to have sex with the boy (id use his name but this is a fetish site after all)

    soooooo my question to the site is. According to your morals, how long after being in a relationship do you feel is the right time for sex? Not sex for physical pleasure, but sex as a sign of love and affection.

  2. #2


    Uhm, the first time I had sex it was with a guy I had been friends with for years, and had dated in the past, in the backseat of a car at a beach.

    That is NOT a good way to lose your virginity.

    Especially if you leave your school tie in the backseat and he has to drop it off in front of all your friends the next day, so you won't get detention.


    At the end of the day there's no right or wrong amount of time to wait before having sex. Everyone's different, and you should only be having sex when you're 100% sure that you're ready to, and that you want your first time to be with him. Other people cannot really help you decide, because it's a deeply personal thing and no two people will be the same.

    If you do decide to have sex, remember to take it slowly, have lots of foreplay, use a condom, and most of all, don't be afraid to stop midway if you feel uncomfortable in any way or it begins to hurt.

  3. #3


    Don't have sex with someone as a favor to them for going out with you, have sex only if you feel he is the right one for you.

    This will make you very unpopular but you will still have self respect, if he is willing to wait until you are ready then he may be the right one for you.

  4. #4


    Two very good comments above.

    If you, in rational and reasonable moments, have doubt or even concern, do not go through with it.

    And a month seem REALLY fast for people to go from "hi" to *gulp* *slurp* *squish* *squirt*. Slow down. Relax. If he's worth having around, he'll be willing to wait. That might mean that he's having vigorous sex with his hand after every time he sees you, but so be it.

  5. #5


    Quote Originally Posted by h3g3l View Post

    And a month seem REALLY fast for people to go from "hi" to *gulp* *slurp* *squish* *squirt*.
    this made my day lol

  6. #6


    that made my day as well

    but as that has allready been said
    have sex when you both are ready and feel it is right. and to have a relationship doesnt mean you have to have sex in X amount of time

  7. #7


    I've never been in a relationship that has gone that far but I would wait a year or so.

  8. #8


    A year seems bloody ages for me, but I'm 23 now, so I guess I'm tired of playing games; if I want to have sex with someone (and they do, too) then I'm not going to let some arbitrary rule stop me.

    I guess the same applies to younger people, too. If you want to have sex, go for it. If only he does, then wait. It's not something that you can undo.

    That said, a lot of people have pretty crappy and/or regretful first times[1] (and inexperience means that few people have truly excellent first times...) and the world still turns, so try not to let it bother you too much

    [1] For the record: mine was not. Hi, Squig! <3 hehe

  9. #9


    I'd say you should wait until you feel 100% comfortable.

    For some people, those who don't think much of virginity perhaps, that might be a very small amount of time. For others, it might be a long time. The most important thing is being sure that you feel comfortable!

    From your post, I'd suggest waiting until these negative feelings go away, and you truly want to have sex. If virginity is an important thing for you, this guy needs to understand and respect that. Don't be pressured into sex.

    Personally, I didn't care too much about virginity, but at the same time waited until I could have sex with somebody I actually liked romantically, rather than just physically. Although I've done sexual stuff with people who I didn't care about romantically too, but I guess actual sex is more significant.

    Edit: Voted less than a month. I'd find it odd to go out with somebody who wanted to wait longer than that (not that I wouldn't wait).
    Last edited by Charlie; 27-Apr-2010 at 00:05.

  10. #10


    I'm pretty sure that I don't even say, "I love you", in a month. I'm far away from old fashioned.

    If you have even the least little hint of not wanting to have sex...then don't. Don't be pressured by someone else. Do things because you want to and not because someone else wants to or somehow expects you to.

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