I'm having difficulty suppressing my AB/DL urges lately. I realize that it will never go away, and thats fine by me, it makes me unique! Though living in a college setting and so forth its not exactly a lifestyle I can accommodate right now. I havent actually used any diapers or pull-ups in about 3 years I'd say. I usually just get my kicks from looking at some random hot girls on the internet in diapers.
My freshman year I had fully given up wearing diapers because having a roommate and all, it just wouldn't work. Besides I wanted to try to stop my binge and purge cycles I went through in high school. To fill the void in my life, and for lack of other hobbies, I began working out...a lot. It became my passion in life. I went from being a thin twig of a guy to a hell of a lot bigger over two years.
This year however, due to awkward class scheduling and such I havent had time to work out like I used to, but I do have time for AB/DL related things. I'm always working which involves my computer and that means access to the internet which means I can get my AB/DL fix very easily. Now I'm going through binge and purge cycles of not only my AB/DL side but my intense workout side too! Needless to say the two are quite a contrast.
I'm trying to find a balance right now but it's difficult. My whole life I was picked on for being scrawny and a pushover, so the rush I get from working out and being 6'0" and about 200lbs is quite satisfying physically, and mentally knowing that people no longer think of me in that way, but I also still find the AB/DL side of me mentally comforting when I get very busy, stressed out or am having relationship difficulties.
I think the mental overlap of the new found toughness and big guy image is sharply contrasting with my cute little comforting AB/DL side and they're not sure what to do, and here I am stuck in the middle! Haha wow I sound crazy! I swear I don't have multiple or dissociative identity disorder!
Anyone else ever have these internal conflicts?