This has been a long and difficult road to come to this point, but there is some stuff that maybe some people might be willing to chime in a little advice on. It starts with my mother and stepfather, who decided long ago that my wife was not to their liking.
It wasn't that she was nasty or mean to them, but that they considered her to be from "the wrong side of the tracks" and they let me know that she was "low class". After several years of trying to keep the peace, I finally put my foot down and told them to shut up about it. After all, she is my wife. Fortunately, my father and that side of my family has no issue at all with my wife, they adore her completely and she feels the same way about them.
Needless to say, the trouble with mom and stepfather went up and down over several months. Then, as my son's birthday neared, my sister called and asked if her and mom could take son and daughter off for son's upcoming birthday. I let her know this would be something my wife and I would have to discuss.
After a bit of discussion, my wife and I decided that our children always had their birthdays with us, and as such, sis and mom could have the kids another weekend, but not the weekend of son's birthday. When I next talked to sister, I told her this. She asked me if the issues between mom and I affected my decision at all. I told her I would have been lying to say that they did not, everything affects everything else to some extent.
Later that day, on my way home from work, I had a voice mail on my phone from mom. She was threatening to sue me for every penny I had for visitation of the kids! I was livid, the maddest I had ever been. My wife convinced me to call my father first, which calmed me down, before I called mom.
When I called mom, I told her she was way out of line, and that she had wrong info. Left it at that until later, when I was calmer. It took several weeks to fully calm down to talk to her, but when I did, she told me that sister had told her that I had said that we were not ever going to let her see the kids again. I said it was ridiculous, that she had raised me and knew me better than this. Her response was that she no longer knew me and she was, "Sorry. I'm sorry I ever gave birth to you."
That was when I ended that phone call.
I've only had one phone call and a few letters back and forth with mom since then. I've let her know that if she wants a relationship I need an apology or I need to know she did not mean what she said. The only response I have gotten was that she was "angry and upset" when she told me what she did. I have refused to let her have contact with my children to protect them from the possibility of emotional trauma.
I was going to have a relationship with sister. The problem came along when she got engaged and she wanted my children in the wedding. This wasn't an issue, as long as my wife and I could be there to watch over them, as we did not trust them to be alone with mom. My sister refused, saying it was not possible, that there was no way my wife could come along to fittings for my daughter for a dress with sister and mom, or be there in the room when everyone was getting ready. Our response? Then it's not possible to have kids in wedding.
Then sister attacked me because "family means nothing" to me. She refused to believe anything I said that mom told me, even when I told her she could check it with mom. It got so rough with the attacks, that I was questioning if I wanted to go to her wedding.
Then our grandfather died.
I went to the funeral, where I was a pallbearer. My sister was absent, a fact I noticed that seemed to hurt my father emotionally. The reason that was given for her absence? She had just started a new job in the last month and thought it would not 'look good' if she asked for time off to attend her grandfather's funeral.
Oh, yes, god knows, Grampa had absolutely no thought about others when it came to dying! How selfish can you be?!? My word! This was supposed to be scheduled further out!
Please forgive my sarcasm. I stopped calling my sister at that time. If she wanted to talk, she could call me. I made my decision then about the wedding. If there was that much question, then I should not go, she could be just as happy without me in attendance.
That was over six years ago. Last week our uncle died. My sister was not at his funeral either. I was told that my sister is pregnant, due in June at almost 42 years old, with her first child. Three of my aunts and one of my cousins went up this last Saturday to my mom's to do a baby shower for her, and they were bugging me to patch things up with mom and sister. I have a little girl who is almost six now that neither of them have met, and I do not want to expose her to the possible emotional trauma.
Today at work, just as I got back from lunch, there was a message on my voice mail. It was an attorney for a collection service, looking for my sister. I guess she recently got a short-term loan (one of these "payday loans") and used me as a reference. Since she hasn't repaid, they are looking for her.
It was almost funny when I told them I hadn't talked to her in six years and I got to hear the surprise in their voice. I guess the loan was pretty recent. Nice to know that she was so kind in asking if she could use me as a reference.
Any thoughts from people?