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Thread: Dating Advice

  1. #1

    Default Dating Advice

    Now I've got a lovely friend who I work with, and he asked my advice on what would be a good date to take a girl on. Now, I consider myself a bit... awkward when it comes to dating. For example, I would almost immediately say no if a guy I liked suggested the cinema as a first date. Now if I liked him lots, I'd suggest something different, but if I didn't then that would be it.

    I'm of the impression that the first few dates should be sociable affairs, which you just can't do. Add to that a variance in film tastes and you're really setting yourself up for disaster.

    Now I told my little friend this, and he seemed to take it on board. Unfortuntaly some of the other guys overheard and started to say my advice was wimpy and he needed some good manly advice... the main suggestion being the cinema!!!

    So two questions:

    1) Cinema as a date: yes or no?

    2) What would be your ideal date? Would it depend how well you knew the person? (E.g. you were friends first/you just met in a pub last week). What would be appropriate as a first date?

    Ohh, ok, I'm going to throw in an extra question as well:

    3) How do you like to be asked out, or do the asking out? Do you stick to traditional gender boundaries (guy asks girl out)? Does one date make you officially a couple? At what point must you stop seeing other people?

    EDIT: Also, who pays? Guy? Girl? Even split? Take turns?
    Last edited by Talula; 08-Apr-2010 at 16:04.

  2. #2

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by talula View Post
    1) Cinema as a date: yes or no?
    Have done before, and while it's an excuse to get physically close to your date[1], you don't really learn anything about them, which is, I imagine, why you prefer more social dates where you can talk to them and such.

    I'm bizarrely inexperienced as far as dating goes, for someone my age. All but one of my relationships have grown out of talking to someone online a lot, and only "officially" making it a relationship after at least a couple of months. By that time, it doesn't matter what the first date involves so much, as you have already spoken to them a lot. That said, I did very much like that when I first met Squigma (arguably our first date; was notionally a couple of friends meeting and seeing where it leads ), we just went to a pub and a cafe, chatted and fiddled with my laptop & iPod for a few hours (geeking out, basically). Even though we'd been talking on IRC, Skype & MSN for a couple of months, it still allowed me to judge what he was like in person, which I wouldn't have been able to do if we'd just gone to the cinema. Sorry, rambling now >.<



    Quote Originally Posted by talula View Post
    2) What would be your ideal date? Would it depend how well you knew the person? (E.g. you were friends first/you just met in a pub last week). What would be appropriate as a first date?
    I think I just answered this Being able to talk to them is always good, but it's less of a concern if you're already friends. If you're already friends and both attracted to each other, any excuse to be close and cuddly is good, I suspect



    Quote Originally Posted by talula View Post
    3) How do you like to be asked out, or do the asking out?
    The closest I've been to being asked out directly is a girl asking for my MSN address

    All of the rest have just been gradually becoming more intimate online, then deciding to meet up after a while, which is how I like it. Makes things a bit more predictable. By the time you have to actually meet them, you know what to expect to some extent.



    Quote Originally Posted by talula View Post
    Do you stick to traditional gender boundaries (guy asks girl out)?
    I'm dating a boy. Not sure this really applies >.<

    I've never liked the "guys do the asking out; girls get asked out" thing, though. Primarily because I'm ridiculously shy and wouldn't get anywhere if I had to do the asking out

    I maintain that if women want equality, they better be ready to do some asking-out as well!



    Quote Originally Posted by talula View Post
    Does one date make you officially a couple?
    Depends heavily on the circumstances. But I've never been in a situation that would apply Only ever had the remotest interest of one girl at a time... And a grand total of three in the past nine years



    Quote Originally Posted by talula View Post
    At what point must you stop seeing other people?
    *shrugs* I'd be reluctant to see anyone else after the first date, frankly, but I can see the arguments in favour of doing so.


    [1] In that case I had known the girl online for months, but this was our first time meeting in person. I was so shy & nervous that I didn't actually hold her hand or put an arm around her during the film or anything, for fear of her not liking it, and then after the date she was bitching at me for not holding her hand. She made no hints about it or anything, and had, in fact, spoken online about how she "disliked the idea of hand-holding". Girls are confusing >.<

    Edit:


    Quote Originally Posted by talula View Post
    EDIT: Also, who pays? Guy? Girl? Even split? Take turns?
    I'm generally happy to (because I'm generally quite free with my money, as much as it bugs me at times), but her (or, rather, the person I'm going on a date with) at least offering to pay is always nice (or we can just split the bill). It shows that they're not just in it for a free evening out, or a gold-digger. I know they're pretty rare, but it's a simple enough gesture, I think. Plus I have this issue with the whole womens' rights movement, which seems horribly unbalanced at times - they want equality, but only when it suits them >.< If you want equality, you can pay for your half of the date
    Last edited by Badger; 08-Apr-2010 at 16:17.

  3. #3

    Default

    So two questions:

    1) Cinema as a date: yes or no?

    This is a real difficult one, but I would have to say no. I have been on dates to the cinema, but we have also done a social thing before/after with going for drinks. I think it is better if you can actually talk to your date so you get to know them.

    2) What would be your ideal date? Would it depend how well you knew the person? (E.g. you were friends first/you just met in a pub last week). What would be appropriate as a first date?

    When I always take a girl out on a date, I try to make it interesting. The girl I'm seeing now, we had a few drinks & then I took her for a game of Lazer Quest just for a laugh

    Ohh, ok, I'm going to throw in an extra question as well:

    3) How do you like to be asked out, or do the asking out? Do you stick to traditional gender boundaries (guy asks girl out)? Does one date make you officially a couple? At what point must you stop seeing other people?

    Well being the bloke I always do the asking out, though I have been asked out twice by girls.

    It really depends on how well you get on with each other to determine when you are a couple, but for me it has always been either 1-3 dates.

  4. #4
    LilLillyKitten

    Default

    I'd think that going to see a movie wouldn't really provide an atmosphere where I could get to know someone a little better, so no for a first date, at least.

    Ideal? Doing something I enjoy, and getting to know the person... Appropriate? Coffee shop.

    Uh, I prefer to be asked out, actually. Not necessarily... depends on how both parties approach it. That one is kinda grey; it would have to be something both parties agree upon.

    EDIT: For a first date? I'd like it if the other party paid, but I wouldn't expect that... Actually, I'd try to pay for myself as much as possible.

  5. #5

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by talula View Post
    So two questions:

    1) Cinema as a date: yes or no?

    2) What would be your ideal date? Would it depend how well you knew the person? (E.g. you were friends first/you just met in a pub last week). What would be appropriate as a first date?

    Ohh, ok, I'm going to throw in an extra question as well:

    3) How do you like to be asked out, or do the asking out? Do you stick to traditional gender boundaries (guy asks girl out)? Does one date make you officially a couple? At what point must you stop seeing other people?

    1. Depends. The two ideal movie theater's in my area are pretty sociable places. For instance there's restaraunt's around, and just a nice area with benches and stuff to chill. They have the place generally blocked off from traffic going through the two or three streets because of the huge amount of people that are always walking around. So it could be an ideal date but as you said only if you can at least talk and stuff to get to know each other.

    2. It would probably depend on how well I know the person but... I would like to do something that would show off some of my character. For example, any guy could take a girl out to the movies or the park or something. Ideally I would take a girl sailing or something.

    3. Well I'm a guy. Generally speaking the closest I get to being asked out is if a girl comes onto me and then I decide whether or not to make a move or something along those lines. I don't see why it's like that though, and it frankly never made sense to be. Oh well. The second part of that question... I don't know, It depends really. Break ups occur for numerous amounts of reasons.

  6. #6
    DominatingMommy

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    Quote Originally Posted by talula View Post

    So two questions:

    1) Cinema as a date: yes or no?

    2) What would be your ideal date? Would it depend how well you knew the person? (E.g. you were friends first/you just met in a pub last week). What would be appropriate as a first date?

    Ohh, ok, I'm going to throw in an extra question as well:

    3) How do you like to be asked out, or do the asking out? Do you stick to traditional gender boundaries (guy asks girl out)? Does one date make you officially a couple? At what point must you stop seeing other people?

    EDIT: Also, who pays? Guy? Girl? Even split? Take turns?
    1. Cinema on a first date, no. I'd much rather be social. Get some dinner, go to a park, etc.

    2. See above.

    3. I'm not opposed to doing the asking however I'd prefer to be asked. In my opinion, one date doesn't make you a couple. You stop seeing other people when it is agreed upon by both parties to become a couple, unless you are in a poly relationship. :P

    4. As for who pays, there is something romantic about the guy reaching for the check. I'm not opposed to paying either and I will offer.

  7. #7

    Default

    1) Like everyone before me I say no, after you have got to know them it's fine but not for a frst date.

    2) I haven't really ever thought about that to be honest, maybe just dinner and then a walk on the beach (weather permitting of course).

    3) Well every time I've asked a girl out she has said no and I've never been asked out by a girl, but since asking the girl is absolutely terrifying I'd like the girl to do it. Although as I stated earlier I tend to to stick to the gender boundaries.

    And as for paying, the guy HAS to offer to pay but splitting it is just as fine.

  8. #8

    Default

    1) Cinema as a date: yes or no?
    Not really keen on movies for first date. Not much room for talking, or intentional cuddling etc. Too much annoying factors in the movie theatre too :/

    2) What would be your ideal date? Would it depend how well you knew the person? (E.g. you were friends first/you just met in a pub last week). What would be appropriate as a first date? I'd think going out for a game of some sort would be really fun. Mini golf always provides great laughs, laser tag is oddly fun, stuff that's light-hearted and there's not a lot of pressure on either person. Follow that up with a dinner at a restaurant (wow i spelled that right on first try! XD ) such as Olive garden- inexpensive, good food and still rather 'fancy' or 'romantic' so have you. :3

    Ohh, ok, I'm going to throw in an extra question as well:

    3) How do you like to be asked out, or do the asking out? Do you stick to traditional gender boundaries (guy asks girl out)? Does one date make you officially a couple? At what point must you stop seeing other people? I asked someone out once, and it didn't go that well even though he had told me prior he had a crush on me. ... I kinda prefer for the guy to make the first move...because it shows me that he actually is serious about it enough to speak up first. XD One date doesnt always make you a couple, but if it went really well then it probably is enough x3 and, if I'm dating someone I won't see anyone else until I see that relationship til it's end- if there is one.

    Random comment: I waited for a few weeks before my bf said 'I love you' first. x3 I wanted to hear him say it first, just because :3

    EDIT: Also, who pays? Guy? Girl? Even split? Take turns? I'd feel bad if I didn't split the bill. though Taking turns sounds fair too- especially if one person is low on money the first time around. x3

    I have a question for you now: at what point do you stop being so nervous on the phone to your bf? XD I still get the 'butterflies in my tummy' feeling when i talk to him, and idk how to just talk casually without feelin nervous. XD

  9. #9
    DominatingMommy

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sila View Post

    Random comment: I waited for a few weeks before my bf said 'I love you' first. x3 I wanted to hear him say it first, just because :3

    I have a question for you now: at what point do you stop being so nervous on the phone to your bf? XD I still get the 'butterflies in my tummy' feeling when i talk to him, and idk how to just talk casually without feelin nervous. XD

    I don't think I've said "I love you" first since high school, but I could be wrong too. I just like it when they say it first.

    As much of a talker as I am, it still takes me several times to get over the butterflies. I still get them when the caller id shows certain numbers.

  10. #10

    Default

    I actually don't mind the cinema as a first date. Mostly cus it gives you something to talk about, so things aren't awkward. I will generally go out for coffee or dinner or a walk or something after, and if we really have a hard time finding things to talk about, we can talk about the movie.

    My ideal date would be something laid back but still fun, with lots of chances to communicate. Like the movies, as long as there is dinner or something after. Going to a coffee bar, a walk, or even going to the river to play frisbee or soccer or something, ha! I also always bring someone else on a first date, generally my best friend and her boyfriend. Second, third, and fourth dates are fair game and one-on-one.... but for the first date I like someone else there.

    As for paying.... I think there's only been one time I've paid for myself. I don't expect the dude to pay for me, and I'm always equipped to pay for myself if need be... but they always seem to offer, which is nice. I don't expect them to pay all the time either. So like, if they buy movie tickets, I'll buy coffee after, or if they buy dinner, I'll buy ice cream, etc... (if they allow me to buy)

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