I didn't know where else to put this so if it goes somewhere else can someone move it for me.
Okay so here's the story yesterday we were dancing in gym because they say the seniors don't know how to dance at the prom so we were doing the Cuban shuffle. I noticed this girl she was dancing with her friends i casually looked at her butt not like a creepy stare from across the room but just casually pointing out to my friends and you know teenage boy kinda stuff. Then i saw her face don't get me wrong she was good looking but i just got the intense like i don't know how to explain it but i got really depressed and frustrated. Then we moved on to a soul train and started talking and forgot about it a little bit but it was a still in my head. The bell rang and i left for social studies by my self and i started to think about death and what happens when you die. I started thinking to my self it can't just go black your thoughts and being has to go some where i'm not talking about religion here. I started thinking to my self should i try it what would happen what would it be like to lift the pain away. As i was thinking this i got more and more upset just thinking about it trying not to but i couldn't. Then there was a 45 minuet period of watching a movie because spring break next week and every thing.
Then there was lunch not much time to think when in the cafatearia i sat down with the same people as usual and they instantly knew something was wrong with me. I just sat there not talking eating and drinking my soda they were trying to talk to me but i was to upset to talk to anyone. Even the kids who are usually mean to me tried finding out what was wrong. Then i started to tear and this was the first time in 5 years I was crying. Then the 2 girls i sit with kinda just left and went to another table i didn't really notice at the time then it was me and this other kid who is my pot buddy sits with me and try's talking and i sit there doing nothing. Then i just start counting everything for no reason i don't even know why. He stays with me the rest of the period trying to help calling over my brothers druggy friends and everything i don't even pay attention while they talk to me i just keep on counting. I left for another class were sadly i had to do a present a project... i went on the last 2 periods trying to figure out why the girl made me so upset i have never seen her before didn't know her name or anything. Me and my brother drove home and when we got there i just started thinking runing it through my head over and over again and i couldn't figure anything out. I started thinking about the death and darkness and what happens and i remebered the knifes in the kitchen and i thought to my self should i do it?
So dos anyone know what happened to me have any idea has anything like this happen to you before and what did you do let it be know that im not going to go to a psychologist. So any help would be much appreciated this is little nerve raking so yea