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Thread: When Discussing Meeting Someone Online

  1. #1

    Default When Discussing Meeting Someone Online

    So I've been counting down the days with extreme and utter excitement until I'm planning on leaving to go meet my long-distance boyfriend/daddy figure. And while this is awesome and all, and I've got all the details down to a fine line (costs, location, where we'll meet, what we intend on doing, etc etc.) I still haven't quite broken it to my father about wanting to leave to meet him. See, my father doesn't know that I'm in a long-distance relationship, he only knows that I've been talking to someone for a while and that it's a 'in-game friendship', seeing as we both met and play WoW together. My father is one of those die-hard old-fashioned men, who can't seem to understand or 'let his daughter grow up', regardless of the fact that I'll be 19 in April and able to chose whatever I wish. So I figured telling him about all of this could really go one of two ways:

    1- I tell him I've been 'in a relationship' with this man for over 2 months now, and would like to go see him in July. My father flips, tells me I can wait until he rolls over in his grave, and I leave anyway against his wishes.

    This option is highly likely, and I fear he will pull this one above the other one. He could very well say something like "My house, my rules," which is highly understandable, but also crushing to me. There's no men in my area whom I even remotely consider dateable, one, and two, none that I love like my Texas boy. And in the event he does pull this, I can always opt to move out of the house, something I really REALLY don't want to do, but I can do. My grandparents on my mother's side of the family love me and know my father's behavior, so they'd have no problem taking me in. But I'd still feel some level of guilt for fighting with my father over this. I care for him, he's my own blood, I'm created from him, but, for him to continuously deny me happiness, ain't gonna fly.

    2- I tell my dad I've been 'in a relationship' with this man for over 2 months, and would like to go see him in July. Dad, against his every urge to say no, accepts my decision but only under a series of tight rules, such as times to call him, pictures of this man, and details of my location, etc etc.

    This one, no matter how much I hope, is highly unlikely. My dad is not the type to simply say "Sure, but you have to call me every ten minutes." However, in the event he did this, I'd have to fess up to a lot more than just being in a long distance relationship with my Texas man (which, my father doesn't really believe in. He believes in up-front, face-to-face relationships, so even considering telling him that I'm 'dating' someone, he won't accept it as dating. He'll say it's just a long distance friendship. I know better, so it doesn't bug me as much.)


    I guess the real question here is if anyone has parents or even friends that are tough on them like this when it comes to a long distance relationship you've previously had or are in, and how you handled it with them. Did you tell them about it, and how did they take it?

  2. #2
    Peachy

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    A relationship is always about giving and taking, about compromise. While this may be obvious for your love relationship, it also applies to all other relationships, including that to your parents.

    It's understandable that you want to see your lover in TX asap, but do try to consider your parents' side. If you have no previous experience with dating (which seems to be the case from your comment about there being no one nearby you'd find even remotely datable), the whole idea of dating may come as somewhat of a shock to your parents. And now you're not only wanting to go to some guy's house, but to someone who's far away and completely unknown to your parents. If your father prefers the old-fashioned way, it seems strange to him that the guy doesn't show up at your house, talk to your parents, and then take their daugher on a date.

    That said, give your father some of what he wants. Obviously, your friend from Texas can't exactly swing by to pick you up, but a name, face, maybe a webcam convo...stuff like that will help to ease them into not making your life miserable when you return from Texas. I have no doubt that you'll eventually go visit him in TX no matter what, but (as opposed to h3g3l, who prefers the move out asap and live your own life-approach) I still believe that it'll be beneficial for you (and anyone) to have a healthy relationship with your parents. Healthy in the sense as them treating you in an age-appropriate way.
    So again, it's a matter of making a compromise in some way. Give a little, take a little.

    Peachy

  3. #3

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    Tell him you are preggy. Then later tell him you are not and to let you live your life or you will get preggy with 45kids and start a polygamist cult.

    I do not have this problem. What with being a guy.


    Also Why tell him. Just be like I'm going somewhere and I'll be back in X amount of days.

    That's what I do.

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by Valerye View Post
    Also Why tell him. Just be like I'm going somewhere and I'll be back in X amount of days.

    That's what I do.
    Because most parents wouldn't be okay with that? I know for a fact that if I did that (and I'm 20!), my parents would be pretty loath to let me back in their house. They're of the "My house, my rules." camp. Thank heavens I'm moving out in August. D:

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by Peachy View Post
    A relationship is always about giving and taking, about compromise. While this may be obvious for your love relationship, it also applies to all other relationships, including that to your parents.

    It's understandable that you want to see your lover in TX asap, but do try to consider your parents' side. If you have no previous experience with dating (which seems to be the case from your comment about there being no one nearby you'd find even remotely datable), the whole idea of dating may come as somewhat of a shock to your parents. And now you're not only wanting to go to some guy's house, but to someone who's far away and completely unknown to your parents. If your father prefers the old-fashioned way, it seems strange to him that the guy doesn't show up at your house, talk to your parents, and then take their daugher on a date.

    That said, give your father some of what he wants. Obviously, your friend from Texas can't exactly swing by to pick you up, but a name, face, maybe a webcam convo...stuff like that will help to ease them into not making your life miserable when you return from Texas. I have no doubt that you'll eventually go visit him in TX no matter what, but (as opposed to h3g3l, who prefers the move out asap and live your own life-approach) I still believe that it'll be beneficial for you (and anyone) to have a healthy relationship with your parents. Healthy in the sense as them treating you in an age-appropriate way.
    So again, it's a matter of making a compromise in some way. Give a little, take a little.

    Peachy
    I've dated only once so far, with a local boy whom I met in school. We dated for 11 months, then he split for reasons I'd rather not drag into right now. My dad, ironically, was perfectly okay with this, probably because each time we saw each other, parents were there too. I can't even step out the house and go enjoy a movie on my own with out my father breathing down my neck and accusing me of being a slut and seeing someone at the theater. Just the other day he randomly asked if I have a webcam on my computer, and when I told him yes, it was like I was telling him I was pregnant.

    As to Valereye, just 'upping and leaving and telling them I'll be back later' would be like signing my death warrant. I'm trying to find a healthy solution, not get myself locked in my house and chained in the basement.

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by Valerye View Post
    Also Why tell him. Just be like I'm going somewhere and I'll be back in X amount of days.

    That's what I do.
    I didn't even do that. I'd just disappear into the night and then show up a day or two later. My parents were like, "yo."

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by applebeary View Post
    I'll be 19 in April and able to chose whatever I wish.
    I'm 32 and I still carefully consider the wishes of my family as I make major decisions.

    At your age I wanted to go on an ABDL camp out that was a state away from me. I told my Mother that I wanted to go meet some people from the net and had a long and serious conversation with her about it. In the end I chose not to go simply for her piece of mind.

    Growing older affords you opportunities for choice.
    Growing up tempers your choices to consider others as well as yourself.

  8. #8

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by Chillhouse View Post
    About how I'm so spontaneous and free-spirited?
    About how you should quote a message, like one like this one, in which I choose to revamp what I've said to be helpful instead of sarcastic. :tongue:

  10. #10

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