.....I will be going to bed after I make this post, but please allow me to get this much out before I do.
I said some harsh things in the thread about whether homosexual couples should be allowed to adopt, and I went way off topic with a misanthropic rant in my last post in that thread.
I just look at the situations around me, I look at the inhumanities that too many people casually inflict upon others, and I feel a lot of anger. But, more than anger, I feel fear. I am afraid that my anger against people who do heartless things will eventually consume me, to the point where I might become just as heartless as they are at the end of the day.
I have had no real way to deal with this anger at any point in my life. Whenever I tried to express it to others in my life when I was younger, all I really heard was, "Shut the fuck up, take your pills, get over it." Nobody really wanted to deal with my increasing hatred against the state of the world, and mankind in general.
I know, instead of focusing so much energy on hatred, I should focus on bringing as much good into the world that I can. That works during the day, most days. But when I lie in bed, and try to sleep every night, the anger hits me harshly, and I stay in bed, trying to sleep but feeling my blood boil as all of these negative thoughts keep tormenting me.
Ah, well. This post is probably a bigger embarrassment than anything else I ever posted here. I really do hope nobody thinks any less of me because of any of this, though. I feel as if I am an incredibly weak person - I am not able to just get over anything I have went through in my life, after all.
I am sorry about my postings tonight on ADISC. Perhaps I should take a break from the Internet, and come back when I am in a more stable condition? Heh.