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Thread: I don't know how to say this.....

  1. #1

    Default I don't know how to say this.....

    .....I will be going to bed after I make this post, but please allow me to get this much out before I do.

    I said some harsh things in the thread about whether homosexual couples should be allowed to adopt, and I went way off topic with a misanthropic rant in my last post in that thread.

    I just look at the situations around me, I look at the inhumanities that too many people casually inflict upon others, and I feel a lot of anger. But, more than anger, I feel fear. I am afraid that my anger against people who do heartless things will eventually consume me, to the point where I might become just as heartless as they are at the end of the day.

    I have had no real way to deal with this anger at any point in my life. Whenever I tried to express it to others in my life when I was younger, all I really heard was, "Shut the fuck up, take your pills, get over it." Nobody really wanted to deal with my increasing hatred against the state of the world, and mankind in general.

    I know, instead of focusing so much energy on hatred, I should focus on bringing as much good into the world that I can. That works during the day, most days. But when I lie in bed, and try to sleep every night, the anger hits me harshly, and I stay in bed, trying to sleep but feeling my blood boil as all of these negative thoughts keep tormenting me.

    Ah, well. This post is probably a bigger embarrassment than anything else I ever posted here. I really do hope nobody thinks any less of me because of any of this, though. I feel as if I am an incredibly weak person - I am not able to just get over anything I have went through in my life, after all.

    I am sorry about my postings tonight on ADISC. Perhaps I should take a break from the Internet, and come back when I am in a more stable condition? Heh.

  2. #2


    First of all you have nothing to be embarrassed about for being human. I only read the first page of the whole gay adoption thread so I don't know about what you said but if anything this post gives me more respect for you for apologizing for your mistakes and being sincere in your post. Though the reason for your anger varies greatly from mine, I definitely know how you feel. Especially the whole at night thing. I'm sorry no one has given you a courteous answer before and I'm sorry you're going through such frustration. don't leave the interweb. You gave Domination by Pantera a 9/10. We need more people like that here.

    Sorry if this post sounds retarded. It was kind of rushed haha.

  3. #3


    I've seen much, much worse, kaworuchan. I personally think you're just fine. You're not trolling, not being cruel or anything like that, so I personally think that you're just peachy... err... not Peachy, peachy.

  4. #4


    I think so many of us feel the same way. I work in an inner city Junior High school. It frustrates my no end when we, as a nation, can spend so much money on one stupid war after another, and yet the very children I work live, live in such abject poverty.

    Sadly, there are so many injustices in this country, and the whole world. I read your post about what happened in your school. Damn is outrageous. As a school employee, I would not have let them get away with it, I can assure you. But none of us would have tolerated that.

    You know during WW II, there was a saying. First the Nazis came for the Jews, and I did nothing. Then they came for the Gypsies, and I did nothing. Then they came for anyone who spoke out against them, and I did nothing. Finally they came for me, and it was too late.

    When we don't stand up for justice, we all will become victims.

  5. #5


    You are entitled to your opinion on any subject discussed here, it takes a big man to say he was wrong.

  6. #6


    Quote Originally Posted by dogboy View Post
    I think so many of us feel the same way. I work in an inner city Junior High school. It frustrates my no end when we, as a nation, can spend so much money on one stupid war after another, and yet the very children I work live, live in such abject poverty.
    Its the effect of "out if sight, out of mind". Plus everyone seems to be saying Someone should do something. Though of course, that same person only stands idling by. Humans are selfish I think and we're designed to be that way I think, even if we were created by god, Allah or whatever god/deity. Though if we did just come from evolution, then we have every right to be selfish just as all animals are.

  7. #7


    Thanks for the support, people.

    Fire2box - I know exactly what you mean about how a lot of people say "someone should do something" while standing idly by themselves. I know that there is a lot of the world that I have no control over, but there is a lot that I can help out with. I started doing a lot of volunteer work for a few organizations around here in the last month (I won't say what they are out in the open here, because everybody here already knows what city I live in, but they do involve directly helping people out who have things much worse off than I, and most other people in my part of the world, do).

    I am somebody who needs to focus my frustrations and make them work for me. I lost focus of my frustrations when I participated in that thread a couple of nights ago, which I tend to do too easily when the topic of bigotry against homosexuals comes up. Especially with that topic, because I don't know how to do anything that would seriously improve that particular situation. I may be a highly motivated worker, but I am not a great creative thinker, after all.

    Well, thanks again, everybody, for the support. Perhaps I should learn how to just walk away when threads like that one pop up here - because making the posts in that thread did nothing to make me (or anybody else) feel better about the situation or more motivated to do anything to improve it. That was an epic waste of frustrated energy, on my part.

  8. #8


    I really see where you're coming from. It's hard to deal with having your deeply-held beliefs treated carelessly by other people, and when those people seem unwilling or unable to sympathetic, it can be really infuriating. Don't beat yourself up with regrets; we all respond badly to stuff from time to time.

    I find that it's surprisingly difficult to learn and apply the skill of engaging an issue rather than engaging individual people. When things become heated, often that line becomes blurred. I find that when I address an issue, in the sense of trying to think of myself as answering someone's post rather than answering that person, I can get more out of the experience. Rather than thinking about how much I want to convince any particular person that I'm correct, I can focus on trying to craft an argument that stands strong on its own. This way, I can imagine that people who haven't yet taken sides might see my arguments and be convinced, and I can enjoy the satisfaction of expressing myself for its own sake. I certainly am guilty of becoming caught up in bickering at times, but I try to combat this by reminding myself that my arguments are, first and foremost, for the purpose of self-examination. I can test my beliefs and ideals by seeing how they hold up against the claims of others.

    In light of that, the question of whether or not to walk away from a conversation can be based on what you think you'll get out of the interaction. If you think you'll be a happier, better person from having said your piece, then go for it. If you think it's just going to start a conflict that hurts your self-respect... then yeah, maybe the best thing to do is just let it go.

  9. #9


    I wasn't really angry at anybody else participating in that thread - I was more angry at the fact that such a thing should have been an issue to begin with than anything else. I had no reason to attack anybody here, so I did not, but I did lose my cool somewhat, and I do kinda regret that. That did nobody any good.

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