I am 31 years of age. And yet, I still am an AB who wears diapers in his spare time. I would love to find the right man to play a paternal role in my life, but I think I am perhaps too old for that to ever happen in this lifetime.
Perhaps I am too old for this whole thing at this point of my life, anyway, and that instead of looking for a paternal figure for myself, I should focus on being there for others instead, perhaps I should be a paternal figure to another AB myself, who knows?
Of course, logic tells me that it is possible to have a relationship where I can play both roles. But the older I get, the more I realize it is less likely for me to ever play the role of the baby with a loving paternal figure watching over him, at least for a few hours, once in a while..... Heh.
Why do I want a loving paternal figure in my life? Simple. I never had one, and I feel as if I missed out on that. I should probably just expect to never have anything that comes even close to resembling that experience in this lifetime, but some things I just don't want to let go of - and this probably false hope is one of them.
So, that is where I am. I wish I were 18 again, but only under the circumstances that I know as much about myself that I know now, and only under the circumstances that I know how to live those 13 years better than I have. They feel so completely wasted to me when I look back on them, and I won't get any younger no matter how much I wish for it. I had my chance, and I fucked it up.
Anybody else here can relate with where I am coming from?