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Thread: I will never forgive you

  1. #1

    Default I will never forgive you

    Alright, so I have a situation to share that involves some back story before I get into it.

    So I use to have a friend who I met through a friend of a friend kind of deal. Yes, ab/dl was the common interest we all shared. Now at the time he was living in PA and quite miserable might I add. He wanted to come to California though to visit and possibly look into moving here. Sure enough he fell in love with California during his visit and starting working out all the details in his head in how to make it his new home. I was between jobs at the time so I joined him on a epic road trip from CA to PA and back.

    When I arrived back home I got a email from him basically saying he was falling in love with me. He went into detail about how on the road trip he would watch me sleep and want nothing more than to cuddle up to me. Not just in the car either, all the hotels we stayed in too. There were further details but I'm not comfortable sharing those. The thing is, he knew I was already involved. He knew how happy and content I was with my current partner already. I thought he respected that but I thought wrong. I didn't know his new found love of California was gonna be one for me as well.

    I played it cool though. Yes inside my head I wanted to rip his fucking head off for his complete lack of respect for my relationship. Not just that though. I felt used but as hard as it was to hold back it just wasn't worth it to me. No instead I told him that I can't help you. I'm not looking to break up with the one I already love for you. I think I even apologized to him that I couldn't be there for him in "that" way. Why? I probably felt sorry for him more than anything.

    I pretty much knew at that point that this friendship would never be the same. Now if only I knew how he was gonna react. Fuck. He pretty much made our lives hell after that. Lies, lies, and more lies were spread. You know shit sucks when you have your friends asking you questions of "Why would you say that?" and your left staring there completely clueless as to what their talking about. Yes he turned into a backstabbing snake. Somehow he got it into his head that if he can't have me, no one can. So he spread multiple lies about myself and my partner. I never seen someone so driven by vengeance and fueled by jealousy until he came into my life. Not only that but he also got my roommate involved in attempts to get him to kick me out on the street. I heard everything from "he's a drug dealer, he's a whore, etc". The whole situation was just straight up hell. Don't even get me started on the multiple times I had to defend myself when he accused me of cheating on my partner. Once again, fuck.

    I should mention a time line here. I was twenty when this all first started. So almost nine years ago. Yes it's calmed down considerable but once in a blue moon he'll find a way to get a message over to me. Usually it's because he's been drinking right before.

    This morning he did it again. Here's a taste of what I'm dealing with -

    "Why do you hate me so much? Please feel free to tell me whatever else you hate about me. I won't give up trying to be your friend. Hate me for it."

    My response.

    "I don't hate you. I never said that. This doesn't mean I want to be your friend though. I wish you could respect that but you're playing the stubborn card which is only further proving to me why it's best I continue to keep my distance from you. I learned from myself that the stubborn shit gets old. After all I use to be my own worse enemy. That being said, why would I want to friend someone who reminds me of everything I once hated about myself? I moved on. I wish you would. I'm very happy with my current place in life and it's only getting better. I'm not about to throw any drama back into it. Please try to find your own happiness because you won't find
    it with me, even with force."

    It's not often I say this to a fellow AB but grow up. I don't understand why it's so hard to accept the fact you fucked up. Some grudges can be let go but some are held on to forever to serve as a reminder of someones true colors. People will argue that someone can change if given a second chance and I'll simply laugh back in their face. I'm done.

  2. #2


    Well I can relate, unfortunately.

    I just hate people who act like four year old's when it comes to relationships. Especially when, in your case, he made a point not to just mess up your current relationship, but your whole life, that's just really immature, and vaguely, pathetic. Also, I imagine that people who stoop to such low levels generally have really, really weak and pathetic personalities that they tend to hide very well.

  3. #3
    Butterfly Mage


    It amazes me how some people can make a lifestyle out of inflicting harm on others and then somehow marvel that they are not loved by their victims!

  4. #4


    I was just thinking as I was reading your post, could you by any chance be his, on his end, First Love.

    Possibly he just tought you loved him as much as he loved you, in his mind anyway.

  5. #5


    I feel really sorry for this person. On top of all the craziness, jelously, instability, and bullshit he causes for himself and others; he really doesn't know what love is. I think a lot of people make the mistake he did regarding what love is, I've done it myself. I don't believe love can ever be one way. To love someone they have to love you back, or it's just a crush.

  6. #6


    You know I've thought about this whole ordeal multiple times inside my head. Trying so hard to find the right answer that doesn't result to things like a restraining order. People who know me know I'm a very laid back person. Confrontation? Please just take it else where. Even at work I've been nicknamed Chill because I started there as the Frozen Dept. Manager and probably the only person who doesn't bring drama into the work place or get involved in others. (I worked up to Graveyard supervisor mind you) Still though, I just never saw the point in this whole backstabbing and straight up malicious intent attitude. Who wants to live a life like that? The more questions I ask, the more frustrated I get not being able to fully understand why someone would act this way towards me.

    Ballucanb, I think you're on the right track. There's more to it though. I think I'm also the first ab/dl he has ever met as well. I've heard of people who are so desperate NOT to be alone that they will go to great lengths to fix that problem. Now why that involves them hurting the one they supposively love is beyond me. How is this suppose to win my heart? The logic here doesn't exist! He's got it fixed into his head that I'm the only one for him and without me he can never truly be happy. What about what I want though? Even "IF" I was single, how is this attractive? Why would I be with someone who is being so damn selfish and straight up creepy? Fuck man.

    The fact we're both into the alt. lifestyle isn't everything here. I've told him this. I mean you're in Southern California! There's plenty of us here. Why must it be me though? I even told him if you take away the ab/dl stuff, we have nothing else in common. It doesn't matter to him though.

    Actually I forgot about this too but he use to rip on me hard for being a furry when I turned him down. Basically giving off that whole attitude how furries are so fucked up and AB/DLs are pure as can be. What? When it didn't work he later decided to start calling himself a fur. I shit you not. I now have to worry about running into him at a con because he's started attending them. To spite me maybe? Who knows. This whole situation just blows my fucking brains out. I'm sorry for the language I'm just very, very frustrated.

  7. #7


    Sadly in some circles of furs, he'd fit right in.

    It's just another form of desperately wanting attention. The only thing I can really think of is continuing to keep your distance and hope he gets bored. It's the path with the least amount of risk to yourself as far as I see it. Forcefully push him away, it gives him attention from you (even though it's negative) and he continues to thrive on the drama. Try to help him; though you might be able to, you run the risk of him developing a stronger want for your companionship.

    People like this aren't being rational, so trying to rationalize them can be painful. What ever is going on in his mind apparently makes sense to him, rather if he thinks doing this will make you like him or if he wants to inflict the pain he feels internally (almost certainly from more causes then his desperation for you) on other people.
    Last edited by Mako; 07-Mar-2010 at 09:35.

  8. #8


    Gotta agree with Mako. It sounds like you have your very own stalker. I suspect that is how you ought to treat him. Don't be pleasant to him. Just be very distant, and let him know that there is nothing about him you like, which I'm sure you have done. There is a nice element to your story, and that is that you are so committed to your partner. He's fortunate to have you.

  9. #9


    Damn, reading this, was like looking back in time for myself. I had a similar experience like this(not quite as creepy), but with a girl. I "fell in love" with her, but she liked someone else at the time, that I was unaware of, so long story short, I ended up fucking up that friendship. But, I really enjoyed talking to her and stuff, so I eventually built the friendship back up and now, our friendship is stronger than ever before, she was even the person that I told my tb/dl to.

    I can see where this guy is coming from, but what he needs to do is just stop really and if he wants your friendship, he should just stop being so creepy and rebuild slowly. The south wasn't rebuilt in a week after the civil war(and never fully), so he just needs to take this slowly and fix the mess he made.

  10. #10


    Apparently you aren't done because you have kept responding to his messages throughout the years.

    When I left my best friend/caregiver three years ago, we both cut communication entirely.

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