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Thread: On again, after being off...again (long read)

  1. #1

    Default On again, after being off...again (long read)

    I know people say this a lot on this site, but "I'm back". I don't think I have contributed much for almost a year. It's been busy this year but I can't explain why I haven't been into diapers for this long. It seems we all go through this. I have had droughts for longer, but this one seemed to just happen without me even noticing. About three months ago I realized I hadn't dipped into my stash for months. Anyway, as you know, "I'm back".

    So, what does this mean? My family left me alone this last weekend. I had work and couldn't afford the time off to see my brother-in-law. Oh well. The upside is that I took advantage of the time and cracked into my hiding place.

    Wow! To cut to the chase, I had a great time. But I also really spent the weekend exploring what it is that I enjoy about wearing diapers. I felt that I had to approach the weekend with some simple rules. Two, in fact. The first was obvious. Diapers all weekend (Thursday night through Sunday morning). This meant coming up with a plan for wearing at work and all that that implies. The second rule was new to me, but I felt it was very important. I have always associated my feelings in diapers with sexual feelings. I've never been clear as to why that is the case, so I aimed to see if this is the motivating factor. The rule was no sexual attachments (self pleasure, porn, you know). All I could do is wear diapers and live life as if wearing was a normal part of it.

    Let me first start off by saying that I respect the difficulty and inconvenience that people with actual incontinence feel every day. I would never wish that on anyone. That being said, I actually enjoyed this weekend. There is a comfort I felt every time I put on a fresh diaper that I don't feel any other way. I did every normal activity wearing comfort and happiness. Wearing at work made the day go fast and added excitement where there is usually none. I found it hard to sleep very sound. There seemed to be a constant state of an adrenaline high that interfered with deep sleep. All my dreams were about diapers. I even went and saw Avatar wearing. Good move by the way. Fun movie, but long.

    As a side note. I would like to mention about I know people worry about wearing in public. My experience is that nobody notices, unless of course you wear on the outside, or suck on a pacifier. Most people are too worried about themselves to notice the slightly bulgy posterior of the person in line in front of them. Trust me, no one will know. I wore at work. Cloth diapers with plastic pants that have a slight crinkle. Not one person gave me a second look. Still exciting, though.

    Having nobody at home was a luxury. Being able to walk around in just a diaper was not only fun, it was liberating. The only problem was deciding on how much I should use the diaper before a changing. It was torture. I was also able to deal with the cleaning of the cloth diapers and plastic pants. The sight of hanging plastic pants in the bathroom was funny and equally great. It all had to end though on Sunday morning. I had my last wetting and had to clean up the mess. A couple of loads of laundry and the futile attempt at stuffing all of my stash in my hiding place ended what was a fun and as it happened relaxing weekend.

    In retrospect I am glad I had the rules. Without adding a sexual element to the weekend I was able to enjoy the experience on a basic level. I still have no idea why I enjoy wearing and wetting diapers. I don't know why I enjoy the feel of bulk between my legs and the smoothness of the plastic that covers that bulk. It seems to be deeply seeded. There was a time soon after I went to bed on Saturday night that I was almost in tears over all of the sensations. I felt vulnerable and paradoxically in total control over what I was doing.

    So what are the repercussions of a weekend spent in diapers. Well, I'm back contributing to this site. I have ordered more stuff based on experiences with my current stash. I can't wait until my next night in diapers, or day, or whatever. I just want to wear. In fact, i have to go pee right now and I am in my cursed regular boring adult underwear. The sexual aspect of it has not gone away. Things were a little spicier between my wife and I since she returned. She does not know about my fetish. I don't know if I will ever tell her. It doesn't matter. I have been able to put a smile on her face this week. Why does it matter what the reason is.

    Well it is definitely time to end as I am beginning to ramble. I really have no idea how to end this. It was more for me anyway. I had a lot of feelings that I have to get out. I think that even with the hiatus for almost a year I find that this is a part of not just my life but me. I'm glad I didn't let this weekend slip by without using it wisely. I feel refreshed and renewed. This was a long week at work. I was tired and even a little sick. But I feel great. Go figure.

    PS I have a little to say about my cloth diaper experience, but this will be entered later either on its own or as a response to and already existing appropriate post. Thanks for reading.

  2. #2


    It might be better if you could get this moved to "Greeting/Introductions". Return threads usually go there.

  3. #3


    It's funny you mentioned this because I feel that I enjoy my diapers more, now that I've removed the sexual aspect too. Of course I think it's gotten easier to repress the sexual desires now that I'm a little older.

    I've been wearing diapers now for most of this year (my pseudo-resolution to myself is to wear 50% of the total year, and I'm at ~75% now). Now that I'm wearing so much, I can go about my day without worrying about the sexual stuff. I'm also married and save my desires for my wife (she knows about my fetish but doesn't partake at all any more).

    Anyway, I kinda know how you feel.

  4. #4


    Skeeter - I totally agree with you about enjoying diapers more without the sexual aspect. For me diapers used to just be a sexual thing, but since i've discovered my AB side the sexual aspect has all but disappeared and i'm just enjoying being an AB(well exploring)

  5. #5


    I think the thing with the sexual aspect is that alot of us discover these feelings at a young age.... I know at 14/15 almost everything had a sexual aspect, including this. For the most part as I've gotten older its calmed down more. I get more of a sexual thrill from the whole power play thing instead of being babyish these days.

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