Results 1 to 10 of 10

Thread: How do you tell your best friend you're done?

  1. #1

    Default How do you tell your best friend you're done?

    I'm struggling to type this already. Just staring at this screen hoping my brain will process my exact feelings and thoughts on this issue. I feel pretty distracted though from clear focus because one side of me is just waving a middle finger at him and other side is trying to understand. I never been put in a position before where it involves me choosing to clean the slate of someone I actually truly care about in my life.

    It's always easier when it's a relationship involving a soon to be ex. and telling them you're done. I don't even know why that is to be honest. When you think about it their really not that much different. The only thing I can think of separating the two apart is the sexual aspect. I do know that if I wasn't content with current better half of almost nine years that I would be with my best friend instead. No, this doesn't threaten me or strike me as weird. I'm very comfortable and stable with the one I already love.

    So back to the issue of my best friend. We've known each other for over ten years now. I would say the last three years have taken a beating upon me though. I work very hard weeks, Raccoon especially knows this. When I finally get some time off I absolutely hate feeling like I wasted it. I like to be productive. I like to plan ahead of time to make the absolute most of any given situation. I will often be the one in charge of the planning to make sure everyone involved has the greatest time. There has been so many times though where I have simply wasted my time. I feel under appreciated. Flat out ignored even. It's easy to say "oh their treating you like shit, fuck em". The situation is different though. For one, my heart is too damn big sometimes. When plans actually do work out, we have a amazing time together. A true laugh fest full of good memories. Everything from drinking, smoking, gaming it up, cracking jokes/insults on each other, underground dnb/dubstep parties, and just simply chilling. My best friend often feels like my little brother to me. I was never close with my real brother so I think this is part of the reason I cherish our times together.

    The only thing is he constantly flakes on me. I've lost count of how many times its been. This morning he did it to me again. The real nail in the coffin though is I just had a heart to heart talk with him on Wednesday when we were making plans for this weekend. I told him I can't handle anymore of you getting my hopes up and completely crushing em last minute. I stressed the fact that all our shared friends think he's the biggest flake and how tired I was of sticking up for him when they were only speaking the truth. Don't put me in that position please. He acted like he cared. He even acted like he was sorry. Well at least I thought anyway.

    I got off work this morning to a test message on my phone saying he had to cancel. We had plans to go to a amazing line up of dnb/dub talent tonight in our stomping grounds of Los Angeles. He knew how excited I was to see some of my favorite producers/djs tear those decks up. On Sunday morning I managed to get us both a hook up of free Disneyland park hopper tickets. To end our epic weekend we were simply gonna chill at my place Sunday night and have a little slumber party/cub out time.

    I don't know how much longer I can continue to get my hopes up only to have them crushed. The true feeling is having a knife stabbed in your gut, twisted, and looking up to stare into the face of the one who you thought was your best friend. I'm just so damn crushed right now that I'm fighting temptation to not hit the send button on this post. I hate showing a weak side of me but at the same time I hate denying how I feel. I better end this post now before I do back out. I'm sorry to trouble you with my troubles. This really isn't how I want to be known on here. I guess now you know that I'm really no different than you.

  2. #2


    Tough situation for sure. But maybe your buddy just wants some breathing room, ya know? Like, you want to make the most of the time you have, you have these entire weekend thing planned with this guy. Maybe he's not into spending that much time with you. Not trying to bring you down or anything - just saying that maybe he doesn't want to hang out that much. Is he gonna tell that you that he doesn't want to hang out? Probably not. All these plans you make obviously mean a lot to you, and he probably wouldn't want to shoot you down by saying "nah, I don't feel like haning out". Might be the reasonable way to do things, but people aren't always reasonable. So he says yes and blows backs out at the last minute so he doesn't have to hang out. Not the best way to deal with things for sure, but that's how he's doing it.

    Obviously I don't know if that's totally true or anything. It's just the first thing that came to mind when reading your post. Your buddy keeps doing this though, and it's good that you spoke with him about. But if it seems like he doesn't want to hang out, I think the best thing to do is just give him some space. You don't have to give up a friendship because of this. I get that you like the dude and that you want to make the most out of life, but it's not just what you wanna do. You have all these plans going on, and they probably make for some great times, but maybe he isn't into all of that. He might feel too guilty about telling you no straight up when you put so much thought into these big weekend plans, even if he really doesn't want to do it. So, I dunno, he's your friend but he keeps backing out, so don't make plans with him so often. Either that or see what he wants to do sometimes. Again, I can't tell exactly what's going on just by reading your post - this is just something to consider.

  3. #3


    If you care about this friend why are you going to write him off completely? 10 years is a long time to be friends with someone and sure getting blown off isn't very respectful but couldn't you recognize that he isn't reliable when it comes to plan making and not involve him as often perhaps. I don't know your situation but it seems that there could be a middle ground here instead of a all or nothing approach.

    On a side note, I wish I was going with you I <3 Dubstep and DnB

  4. #4


    What about not inviting him to these get togethers for some time (i.e. until he wonders why he's not being asked anymore)? Do you think that by leaving him out it'll make him want to be a part of the group again?

  5. #5


    I think I'm being a bit misunderstood here. I never said I was doing anything based on fact. My heart to heart talk with him covered all grounds. This is a part of being OCD, knowing exactly what we need to say. He knows to be honest with me if he doesn't want to hang. There's no way of knowing though without him telling me. For all I know he might have the case of my big heart. We're not hanging out every weekend though. I said I work a lot. So the times I am free and we happen to same the night(s) off together, awesome. Doesn't happen a lot though so it makes us look forward to when it does happen.

    I was more questioning the famous question of just how much can one handle before you do have to say you're done. Contemplating if you will ;/ I don't think I could ever do that though. I just hate it when someone can't be honest with me, especially someone on his level of who I respect. More irritated at the situation more than anything. It feels like one of those where you can get trapped in a loop.

    I'll write more later. Lack of sleep and over worked lately.

  6. #6


    Love is blind. Loving a friend covers the true patches of reality that brings us questions. I don't believe in the best friend concept because I always take the reality that I can be an open person and know that I can never trust a person 100%. I can see your situation and I can understand how hard it can be for you to do it but at the end of the day you can't have your heart broken too many times like that. If this was me, I would just cut the friendship immediately but sometimes the caring part of us keeps us from doing it. I do hope that your situation can be solved in a stable and a matter that doesn't fuck you over. That's my two cents.

  7. #7


    Statik, I have been in a similar place with a friend since high school (loooong time now =() at times. I know how frustrating it is to plan the "perfect" weekend off with my buds, only to have it blow up 'cause someone drops out at the last second. It blows goats, TBH.

    The way I see this (which is worth exactly zero, probably), is that there is more than one issue working here. Some of it you can change, some not. I don't type fast enough, and you probably don't want an essay here, so, here is the biggie.

    First thing is accepting that you don't have to have planned activities to maximize enjoyment, *all the time*, with your friends.

    I, like you, always wanted to be "doing" something during my downtime, to max out the enjoyment factor. After several failures, I asked "whassup wit this shit?" and was told realized that there was some resentment that I was the master planner, and that I should learn to "go with the flow" more. I was all like O.O!, but it definitely gave me something to chew on.

    You are right that long time friendships are like relationships (without the sex), and as a part of that, its not always about what one friend wants to do. Give others a chance to step up. Or get together with NO plan!

    Be aware that- A.) sometimes the best things happen when *nothing* is planned, and B.) sometimes it turns into a frustrating ball of shit (especially to you- you might be seething, but you gotta just say "WOOSAHHH WOOSAHHH" and go with the flow) but sometimes the shared experience, whatever happens, is more important.

    Really good friends are SO hard to come by (for me anyway) that I had to (wanted to) change my behavior, and yes, my expectations, in order to keep the friendship going. We aren't as tight as we were, but that's the way life is.

  8. #8


    I've never really thought of non-romantic social partners as being something you would actually make a decision to be "done with". Maybe this is just a bit of my anti-social nature coming out or something (though I thought this was a pretty standard way of thinking).

    I mean, I've had friends bail on me... and if it became a habit, I'd just stop making plans with them that would tie up my off times. I'd simply mention outings with others and let them know they can feel free to tag along if they chose to. If they never did, I'd eventually just stop even mentioning that. I don't think it'd really be a huge deal for me.

    Then again, I'm the sort of person that's plenty content staying at home reading a book or watching a movie by myself anyway, and there are times where I go "dark" from social contact for a week or two from everyone. My friends all know this, and I've not seen it be a really big issue with any of them. I don't really think I'm a terrible friend, because if one of my friends actually needed something (to talk to someone or help with someone), I'd drop what I was doing and be there for them... if I saw it as something more than a convenience call.

    Honestly, the whole idea seems a bit foreign to me, so not sure what to say. Interesting thread though

  9. #9


    I'm gonna reply to others but first I want to get this out while it's still fresh in my head. I've put a lot of thought into this, gone over every ones comment, and seek outside guidance on this matter.

    The way I'm seeing it, this relationship I have with my friend should be treated no different than any other I've ever had. I do think I'm expecting too much out of him. At the same time though. I also feel like he gives very little back. I only made the plans because every time I ask what he want to do and he give that famous "I don't know, what do you want to do?". I just figured it was kind of like me when I always be asked "what do you want to eat?" I rarely have a answer for that as well when it comes to food and I know on the receiving end it can be frustrating as hell.

    What it really comes down to though is I just need to let it go. Start letting things take their own natural course. Be a little more spontaneous even. It's not a easy task for me because like I mentioned earlier I hate wasting the little time I have off with sitting on my ass.

    Another thing I thought about is comparison. So I choose the person I have evaluated to no end in my life. My father. Lost yet? Don't worry it will make sense here soon. I asked myself "How is this different?". It seemed the only time my father was ever there for me was when he felt guilty or needed something. As much as it hurts me to admit it, I see the same thing with the one who I refer to as my best friend. Now that my eyes are open to this its easier for me to understand since there's actually logic to back it up. I need to back off though. If he actually gives a damn about our friendship, I'll leave him to show it. I'm not asking him to call every day mind you, god no. Stalkers need not apply ha!

    Like I said though, I'll just let things take their natural course. I'm not ending our friendship though. In a way I'm kinda testing him which I don't really like but I see no other way. This could go on for months, hell maybe even a year for all I know of not hearing from him. There's really no way for me to tell at this point and that's kinda the whole point when I think about it. If I were to tell him that I'm testing him though, than he would feel like he's obligated by terms of our friendship. Who wants that? I sure don't. This is more about just what exactly do I actually mean to him. I may not like the answer but I wouldn't of typed this if I didn't already know this.

  10. #10


    Let me speak from the other side. Bad habits are the hardest to break. Do you know why he' s flaking? Is it an organization issue, a procrasitnation issue, laziness?

    You still have the chance to keep your best friend, and be even closer for it.

Similar Threads

  1. Help Name My new friend.
    By LuvsGurl in forum Adult Babies & Littles
    Replies: 27
    Last Post: 01-Sep-2009, 05:41
  2. My friend needs help
    By miles in forum Diaper Talk
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 01-Jan-2009, 05:41

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  • - the Adult Baby / Diaper Lover / Incontinence Support Community. is designed to be viewed in Firefox, with a resolution of at least 1280 x 1024.