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Thread: Lost Friendship

  1. #1

    Default Lost Friendship

    I seem to have lost a dear friend today. We both recently started working 2nd shift again so I called him when I got off work to see how he was. I haven't talked to him in a while and thought it was just scheduling until he answered the phone.

    I was informed that I had my bike club, old fraternity brothers, and a host of others to hang out with and that he didn't want to be one of them.
    My friend is manic depressive and has withdrawn quite a bit in the past year. I've been worried about him since he questioned the existence of God when the power went out at a restaurant depriving him of an order of chicken wings. I am/was one of the few friends he has left. I'm seriously worried about him and now it looks like he has decided to write me off.

    I don't know what I will tell his wife the next time she calls to talk. I don't expect many of you to understand or agree with this, but I wouldn't feel right about continuing to talk to her behind his back.

  2. #2


    Being random stranger on the internet doesn't entitle me to a lot of information, on this. But let me state these things.

    I respect that you're trying to keep it 'in a respectful area' by not talking to a friends wife 'behind his back' as it where. I would however caution you with this, having friends myself, that have a few mental um... ticks? .. I would say it's always hardest on the people closest to them. Make sure that you're not one of the last places of support that your friend's wife has, prior to close that door. If you're worried about the propriety of it, I'm sure that there are options that would keep it, within the chaperoned level. But that's just my two cents.

    On a personal note; I'm sorry to hear about your friend. It's always hard to have a friend that doesn't want to hang out just from slow communication breaks, nothing like something like this. Bum deal sir. Bum deal. Here's to hoping your friend snaps out of it.

  3. #3
    Butterfly Mage


    I had a similar thing happen about two years ago. I had a friend with an untreated illness (he was textbook Aspergers Syndrome but hecwas never interested in getting a counselor). I was his friend for about a decade. He wrote an unpublished book that was truly terrible. I tried to read it numerous times but it was just really, really bad.

    One day, he told me that reading his book from front to back was a condition of his continued friendship and that I had taken too long. He never spoke to me again.

  4. #4


    I have to agree with Rathe. I think your friend's wife is really going to need support from her friends. I work with a woman who's husband was bi-polar. I knew them well for years. One day while she and her kids went out on a walk, he went into the back yard with the shot gun.

    I hope your friend is seeing a psychiatrist. Being bi-polar can have terrible consequences, but it can be treated with medication. He's going to need all of that. I wish him and you the best of luck in all of this.

  5. #5


    Having had a close friend who was bipolar, I think I can say there really isn't much harder on a friendship than that. My friend could be, at times, the must fun person in the world to hang out with and, at other times, manipulative, selfish, and destructive. Near the end, my friend and I had drifted apart simply because I didn't have the emotional energy to deal with his disease.

    If I have any advice (and feel free to take it or leave it), I'd say try and keep the lines of communication open with your friend as much as you are able. In my case, my friend eventually succumbed to the disease and I can't help thinking that maybe, if only I'd given him a call or somehow made myself more available, he would have made it. Like dogboy said, his wife is going to need all the support and encouragement she can get; this disease is hardest on those who are closest to its sufferers.

    I wish you all the best

  6. #6


    bipolar disorder is a psychosis, and you can't necessarily take anything your friend says at face value. if i were you i would respect his wishes for the time being and back off, but be ready to forget everything he said if he approaches you sometime in the future. it might be worth checking back in with him after some time has passed to see if he still feels the same. there will come a time when he will regret pushing all his friends away, and that's when he'll be most in need of people who are willing to forgive and forget.

    also, there's no reason this should make things awkward between you and his wife. she could probably use a few kind, supportive words from you.

  7. #7


    I agree with the last two posters - keep talking to your friend. If he ignores you, fine. But you can't take what he said one day as the final note.

    Also - if you write the wife off, aren't you in a way doing the same thing to her you feel he did to you?

  8. #8


    Quote Originally Posted by winnie View Post
    Also - if you write the wife off, aren't you in a way doing the same thing to her you feel he did to you?
    I don't think so, not when he is threatening calling the police to report me as a stalker should I call. If she makes any attempt to contact me I'll be glad to talk to her, but for the time being I do not want to risk a phone call or visit.

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