Another one of my "walking home experiences".
Yelling at your kids - Right or wrong?
I was walking home from the bus today when I witnessed something that made me think.
One my way home, I heard someone yelling. Once I got closer and looked out over the hills I saw two young kids, looked no older that 4 and an older person, their mum I would guess. They were out by a small hill, the kids riding their sledges.
At first I didn't mind them and kept on walking. I could hear that they were having a rather tense conversation, though I have no idea what it was about.
After a while, the mother and one of the kids went away, leaving the other kid by itself, sitting in the snow. I heard the mother yell back at the kid, something in the lines of:
"Well you sit there, we're leaving now. Bye bye!"
I kept on walking, wondering what the fuzz could have been about. Maybe the kid didn't want to go home or something...
Then something happened.
The mother started to speak more gently towards the kid in the snow, I only heard some mumbling sounds.
Then she yelled. She yelled loud and with rage in her voice.
I think it was something like:
"Don't you hear anything!? Say something!"
The kid started to cry.
This struck me with tremendous force. Call me sensitive, but I felt a deep pain in my heart and my gut. I actually stopped for a while, weighing the impulse to head over to the mother and speak my feelings towards her. Though I know of course, I have nothing to do with her way of raising her children... And so I kept walking.
Why I reacted this way, I'll tell you why.
As I kid, I was yelled at allot. Mostly it was my father who yelled at me. I can't remember why, only but a few times when I had been bad towards my sister or something...
I remember being scared. So utterly scared of being yelled at.
Maybe I saw my past self in that kid today...
I still love my father, and I'm sure he meant well. Maybe it was a part of his way in raising me.
Nevertheless, this has left scars for life. I'm not lying.
I'm am to date still scared of yelling. Many years ago I told my parents that I didn't like it when they yelled at me and my sister, and so they stopped.
These days, my family rarely raise voice against each-other.
When someone yells, even if it isn't against me, I get this feeling that it's my fault, even though I know it's not.
The feeling I get in my heart and gut when it happens, is a nightmare.
I can't describe it. I don't know if it's anger, sadness, fear, humiliation, rage, terror... or a mixture of it all at the same time.
I like to describe it as, a bottomless black hole or a black mist in the stomach.
If you haven't felt this feeling before, consider yourself lucky.
It's a feeling that I don't even wish upon my worst enemy.
I still can take conversation though. And when someone makes a really wrong statement or argument that I know is wrong or unfair, I'll take action and defend myself. So by no means am I feeling totally incapable of throwing back at someone who tries to put me down.
Still, I think that this is the missing piece of my self-esteem's puzzle. It's something I work with and doesn't want to accept in my life anymore.
I work to leave it behind me.
I think yelling is wrong. It's something that shows a poor way of making conversation. In addition, lack of respect.
I'm confident that one is able to present a message without yelling.
Yelling at your kids is something that I'll never support. I know how much it can hurt.
I just can't understand it, why would yelling make the message any clearer?
It's not like it's gonna make it easier for the kid to understand? On the contrary! Yelling scares the pants of the kids. The parents, which has shown love and affection towards them, a familiar and friendly face which the kid can relate too as something good.
All of a sudden it's all gone, just like that. How's the kid gonna react? It's like kids and irony. They don't work hand in hand.
In some ways I feel, it's a deep betrayal...
You just don't yell at your kids.
It's the wrong way to go, the wrong way to raise your children.
Then again, there might be situations where yelling is the only way to go.
Or is it?
Is there some way to support yelling at your children?
I'm willing to discuss this matter, for the sake of wider perspective and understanding.
Do you have any experiences yourself?
What's your take on yelling, and yelling as a part of raising your children?