I just had something on my mind these past few days and I felt the need to post it...think I just needed to talk about it, and like ABism, it's something I really don't feel comfortable talking about to most people. I'm not really looking for advice exactly (though if people want to offer any, feel free)...I think I just need to get this out of my system. So I hope people will keep that in mind in their responses.
The way a few of my online *B/DL friends have described my sexuality is "diapersexual". I'm emotionally attracted to males and females (in different ways), but an actual naked person of either sex does absolutely nothing in terms of turning me on. Only ABish things turn me on.
Sexually, this has put me in a situation that is different from everyone I know (like ABism does). If I was ever with a male or a female, I don't think I would be able to be turned on enough in order to have sex with them (unless, of course, there was some kind of AB play involved...but I've never gotten to that point with somebody).
So, I am 26 years old and I'm a virgin.
Here's the thing about it...personally, that doesn't bother me at all. Knowing my own sexuality, I don't have the desire to have sex with anyone...it's as simple as that.
This has also put a damper on relationships for me...both in terms of where past relationships have gone, and in terms of what I want. I don't really have the desire to marry or even have a long term relationship with anyone...I mean, I'm not saying I never would, but it's not something I feel I need to be happy.
The problem is that socially it's kind of frustrating. Other than being an AB, I would say being a virgin is probably my deepest held secret. Being a 26 year old guy, it's not something I can really tell people without fear of them thinking I'm a loser (or whatever else you can come up with). It doesn't come up often, but I always act like I'm not a virgin...especially since I haven't been in a relationship in a while. It's just something abnormal...and it feels like everyone around you can't relate in any way, shape or form.
I guess that like being an AB, it's one of those things that you just accept about yourself and learn to get used to keeping hidden from people. It's just frustrating, though...not having people accept you for who you are. A lot of times friends and family keep telling me they want me to find someone...and I know they probably just think that I'm a nice guy and they want to see me happily in love with someone...but it's still frustrating not being able to have them understand everything about me.
So I think that's why I'm making this post...just to finally be able to tell people this and not be judged for it or looked down about it. I know I shouldn't care what most people think, and for the most part I've gotten to the point where it doesn't really bother me. It's just that after having to keep it hidden day in and day out, every now and then it juts kind of gets to me. It's not like I want to go out and force having sex for the sake of other people...it's just sometimes I need to tell people things. I know everyone has different sexual experiences on here, so it even feels a little uncomfortable talking about it here.
So anyway...if anyone reading this can relate, I hope it helps a little. For everyone else...it just feels good for me to just share something and (hopefully) not be judged for it.