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Thread: success of telling people

  1. #1

    Default success of telling people

    Well, I've noticed an increase of people telling others about this thing we all have in common, and posting here about the results. Lately, those results have been, "Oh, they accepted it..." I was curious myself, if my luck would remain, and it did. I even went as far as to say, "can I wear one while I sleep next to you?" to which my girlfriend responded, "Of course, it's not like its a bad thing."

    Well, come the next night when she asked if I was going to change, I stopped. What purpose did anything I do serve? Nothing. There was no point in making the situation potentially awkward for either of us.

    I keep noticing these good posts about how peoples parent or loved-ones or friends accept it, but no one has given a real reason as to why the told them.

    Is be accepted really that important people? What happens if your not accepted? I almost started advocating telling people, but now more than ever, want to tell people that it usually doesn't accomplish anything. I spent a lot of last night wishing I hadn't mentioned anything, even if she did accept it. I don't want a lot of you people going through that.

    Anyways, the question is why some people want to tell others so badly, and what they expect out of confessing...

  2. #2


    I assume people tell becasue it feels good to tell someone else, the extremely overused weight of shoulder's saying. Acceptance feels good. My situation does not. It would feel great if I told my parents or anyone about this and they said OK whatever floats your boat, or OK just keep it hidden. That would be a lot better than what I have now, and if you told your parents, and they didn't reject it and be intolerant of it, they would let you buy them with your own money.

    Quote Originally Posted by OP
    Well, come the next night when she asked if I was going to change
    Change, yourself?

  3. #3


    Quote Originally Posted by handfulofoats View Post
    Is be accepted really that important people? What happens if your not accepted?...Anyways, the question is why some people want to tell others so badly, and what they expect out of confessing...
    Acceptance is part of Esteem, which is second highest in Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs.

  4. #4


    I told my ex-boyfriend because we honestly loved each other, and I thought that it was fair that he knew about something that I consider to be a pretty big part of me. I waited until I found an appropriate time, and as luck would have it, he was very accepting and even became a "daddy" of sorts for a little while (I have a real AB daddy now though and it's way different haha).

    I wouldn't tell anybody in my family. What's the use? This is not a part of me THEY need to know. They don't tell me about what they do in secret practice, why should I tell them? Same goes with my friends. It's just not their business. If they asked, I'd be straight up though. I am not ashamed of my TBDLism at all. I love it and have embraced it for what it is. I honestly do not need the acceptance of people who won't ever understand fully and may judge me. Just feeling accepted is NOT a valid reason to tell somebody.

    With my ex, I think I had a valid reason to tell him. I lived with him, and at one point, were even having a child together (which I lost). At the time, he was my other half. So why hide things? I am glad I told him even now that we've been broken up for months because he really helped me learn that there is nothing to be ashamed of.

    omg that was a long post...

  5. #5


    My ex-wife found out about my fetish the hard way. I wish I had told her up front. But I doubt it would have made any difference with her. She was not very accepting of it and in the long run it was one of many factors in our break-up. I do have a female friend of mine that I am working up to tell. She is not my gf, but someone I have know for 28 years. I knew her even before my marriage. I talk to her about a lot of things in my life and find it hard sometimes to lie (even if it's just by omission) to someone that knows pretty much everything else about me. I will most likely start with my bed wetting experiences (See my post in the Diapertalk forum in the Bed wetting not fun thread) and go from there.


  6. #6


    Well I have told a good amount of people over my lifetime so far. I have basically told them so that I would be accepted, which does help self esteem like said above. Also it is a good test to your relationship/friendship, if they really care about you, then they will accept your for who you are. Except I mainly only tell females, I only told a my closest guy friend. Plus once they accept it, theres nothing to hide. Also the possibility of them being interested in it which would make the relationship grow some much closer. Theres many reasons I would tell my relationship partner. Also because I can not imagine being married or even in a long term relationship with someone who does not know or does not accept it. It would be a nightmare to have to either stop the lifestyle or hide in shame because of your partner who is supposed to love you no matter what. I see it as not accepting a part of who I am and if they can not accept that then I do not want to be with them. If your going to marry someone who will not accept it then you might as well move back in with your parents or move in with a stranger and spend your effort hiding it from them.

    So pretty much my girlfriends are the only people I would ever tell. I would not just go around telling anyone and everyone, that is just wong.
    Last edited by Eclipse; 07-Apr-2008 at 02:10. Reason: spelling

  7. #7


    You tell a person not only to get that weight off of a heavy heart, but as a sign that "I can trust you with anything." If you do trust them, then telling them should be no problem. Would it be hard to hide it from them? No. Overtime it will be though. Just..let them know. If you really trust them, it's no issue.

  8. #8


    Besides y'all on here... the only person who knows about this is LuvsGurl... and I guess she's on here too. LOL

  9. #9


    I told my girlfriend and best friend. My best friend, I told a few years ago, principally because I wanted someone I could tell. It felt like too much to have it secret from everyone. We don't talk about it much, but it's not an issue of contention.

    My girlfriend I told because I love her and didn't want to keep it from her. It's part of who I am, and part of my sexual makeup. She has a right to know about it.

  10. #10


    Because why not. I'm not broadcasting myself across the radio, I'm just broadcasting my sexuality as much as everyone else. Mine just so happens to revolve around diapers and other fluff.

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