Ok, I know over the years this has been done to death...but I couldn't find any good recent topics to add my thoughts to. Besides, it doesn't seem like people have had any problems with my other crazy thoughts posts, so I was motivated to do another one and I just had this on my mind.
My ABism really is so fascinating to me. It's something that has just about always been with me, and it's so weird yet makes so much sense. I get so familiar with it, and yet because most people can't relate to it, it's still weird. So I think I just get peace and satisfaction by looking at it in full detail and making it make sense to me.
At the heart of all of these feelings of course are diapers, particularly the idea of getting my diaper changed. This isn't news...for DL's of course they're central, and even for most AB's, diapers are just the most special and exciting aspect.
But it's funny because out of all of the baby things, they're also the most embarassing...the hardest thing to talk about. I think most of us can relate to having a hard time saying the word "diaper" or even hearing it unexpectedly. I know that as I kid it was exciting, embarrassing, shameful, and personal all at once.
What makes it so interesting is that at first it seems like some horrible coincidence...the thing that we happen to like the most just so happens to be the weirdest and most uncomfortable part of being a baby. I mean, I imagine that if I were to tell someone about my ABism, talking about teddies, pacifiers, and even bottles wouldn't be overtly weird...at least you can relate that to cuddling. But diapers...that's just crazy.
But...it's not a coincidence. The reason why we love diapers so much is the exact same reason why they're so uncomfortable to bring up with non-*B/DL's...they're truly the most intimate and personal aspect of being a baby.
This is true for a few reasons. First, they deal with excrement, which is probably the most private day-to-day activity there is. I mean, it's kind of interesting how every day we use the bathroom, but because it's so unpleasant, we usually never talk about it. Hell, you don't even think about how everyone you know does it every day. It's just something everyone has the right to keep to themselves.
The same is true for being naked. Sex aside, really the only time we're naked is when we're by ourselves. So it's something that's very private.
So...when you think about diapers, more specifically being changed, you're putting yourself out there in about the furthest way possible. Not only would you ask someone else to be exposed to your excrement, but you're asking them to clean them off of your naked body. It's the total surrender of power and a demonstration of total trust.
That's why even for me, it feels a little uncomfortable when people talk about changing babies' diapers...it's still an act that's done in private that most people don't really focus on...like going to the bathroom. What's even worse for me is when it's talked about negatively, like it's a chore. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure it is...but that totally ruins everything diapers are about to me...it makes them a negative, day to day thing rather than a super special intimate one.
But that's why it freaks the average person out. I mean, changing babies' diapers is weird enough...yes, they're helpless babies, but the idea of cleaning up a baby's excrement and clothing them isn't a pleasant thing...particularly if someone isn't doing it for their own baby. But doing it for an adult? It's hard to imagine something that would strike someone as more insane.
So it's natural that we're automatically so ashamed about diapers in particular. Not only is the idea of being so intimate with someone a personal thing to us anyway, we KNOW that the average person knows that as well...and since they can't relate to our AB desire to be loved and give up that trust, we know that they would be appalled and may not look at us the same way.
Of course, for those that find a caretaker, they achieve that level of intimacy and find someone that does understand them. So of course they achieve a level of satisfaction in their ABism. But that's something that takes time to develop...it's not something that can be gotten with anyone immediately.
So I don't know...I just find it interesting. I mean, I have no interaction with babies myself...everyone that knows me probably thinks I never even think of diapers and would be uncomfortable with the notion of having to do anything with a diaper. And yet I have such a strong personal attachment to them due to my ABism...and it's neat to realize that this intimacy of diaper changing is a big part of that.
So again, this was just a ramble...just feels good to get my thoughts written down, and it's nice to share them with people who understand.