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Thread: Foster Children & Adoption

  1. #1

    Default Foster Children & Adoption

    I write this today because it's been one year now since I last saw her smiling face.

    A couple we've known for many years now, care for foster children. One little girl they kept really touched my heart. Let's go back two years to when I first met Sarah.

    She was only two at the time, and came from a broken family where her mom (and probably absentee dad as well) were messed up badly on drugs. The county social services felt the need to remove her due to the unsafe conditions at home and she was fortunate as respects being placed with our friends because they care very much about children. First time I met Sarah I thought there was something special about her. For the situation she was taken out of, she was a very good natured, respectful, and fairly soft spoken child. Even when she was in a cross mood as all children are sometimes her crying was more of a wimper than a loud outburst. Sarah was spontaneous with her show of affection for people and would come up to you, talk, hold your hand, even lift her arms up gesturing for you to pick her up to be held. She was just about the most lovable child you could ever meet. One time we were sitting with the couple and she scooted over close to me, held my hand, and looked up at me with a smiling face. I felt my heart completely melt towards her that day. Afterwards, I started developing an emotional, fatherly attachment for this precious little girl which I really had no business doing as things turned out. It's just that I could have so easily taken her as my second daughter right then and there and loved her as if she had been my little girl from birth. That's how much she meant to me.

    The couple kept her for nearly a year in which we saw them every week. Sarah's parent(s) hadn't made any progress to straighten their act up and get clean from drugs during that time. So after the year of foster care a judge ordered her to be placed in an adoptive home. Our friends had already adopted a foster child and were still caring for another older girl who was waiting for adoptive parents to come forth. My wife and I talked seriously about adopting Sarah, but there were legit reasons why we couldn't. Then came April 3rd, 2007. Little did I know it was to be the last day I would get to see this sweet little (now) three year old. When I found out she was placed in another home I was devastated. For several days I was deeply depressed over it and it showed. Afterall, it happened so fast I didn't even get to talk to her once more or give her one last goodbye hug. In my mind, it was almost like I had lost one of my own children. I found myself worrying about her, wondering if she was happy and being treated good. This went on for days with me. However, looking back, it was my own fault hoping for something that wasn't going to happen. I set myself up for a BIG letdown and a BIG one it was!

    So, here it is a year later and now she's four years old. Our friends never heard anymore about what happened with Sarah's placement - I've asked them more than once. I only hope she and the first adoptive family hit it off really well and she finally could form some permanent bonds. She so deserved to have a happy and stable family life, and to have parents who would love and care for her deeply as if she had always been their own child. For her to receive anything less would be completely unacceptable in my opinion. But, maybe it's better I don't know. If she was still being pulled from one home to another trying to fit in I would be completely heartbroken again. Though I may never see her again, she'll always occupy a special place in my heart. I still love this precious little girl very much and would adopt her today in a heartbeat if our circumstances would allow it.

    The sad thing is, there's so many children like Sarah that have been conceived by parents who can't even take care of themselves, let alone a young child. I feel it's such a cruel thing to bring children into that kind of situation and the child having to be taken out of his/her home for safety sake. It's so sad when I think about it. Sarah's parents will never know the years of joy this adorable child would have given them. So many couples would do nearly anything to have a child like her to love and they just threw her away, so to speak. Guess they loved their drugs more than her. Terrible for me to say, but I get upset all over again thinking about all the emotional upset and hurt they put their daughter through by their actions.

    If our situation ever changed a bit I'd love to care for foster kids. The only part I'd have trouble with is getting attached to them and then having to let go so they could go to another home for adoption. Sarah was with our friends so long she was calling them "mommy" and "daddy". If I was caring for a little child long enough to be called daddy, far as I'd be concerned I would be their daddy. Their adoption would be with us!

    Thanks for letting me pour out my heart.

    Last edited by Pramrider; 04-Apr-2008 at 15:59.

  2. #2


    That was so sweet. I have also had a few expereances like the one you went through. There are so many kids that need a good home, some of them are sweet like Sarah and others are little heathens but when you think about the home that they came from you can't blame them.

    The one child that really made a big impact on my life was the adopted little brother of a my best friend Larry, his name was Konner and he is 7 now. I first met him last year around November and it didn't take long for me to grow attached to him. Everytime Larry needed to babysit Konner but also had to work I watched over him. Larry and I did the best we could to take Konner under our wings and teach him all that we knew (ofcourse within reason.)

    There is on night that I will never forget as long as I live. It was a Saturday and Larry had to work so he brought Konner over also my parents were out of town so it was just me and him. We just did what we normaly did together listen to music, watch cartoons, play videogames and then 10:30 rolled around and I could see Konner getting tired so I told him that we should go to bed, he tryed to put up a fight saying he wasn't tired but he gave in.

    So we went to the guest room and I had him lay down on the bed so I could diaper him for the night. (he was a really heavy bedwetter.) And once he was diapered and in his PJ's I warmed him up a bottle of milk and had him ceral up in my lap and read him a story and then tucked him in and gave him a kiss on the forehead and said goodnight, he kissed my cheek and said "Night I love you big brother." and my heart melted right there. So I went to my room and fell asleep.

    Unforchanetly for me that only lasted about an hour because I was woken up by a loud cry and the sound of thunder. Konner had been woken up by a really bad thunderstorm that was passing over. I got out of bed and went to his room and sat on the edge of his bed and as soon as I did that he lep up and hugged me like there was no tomarrow. So I sat him on my lap and held him slowly rocking back and forth intil he stopped crying and he asked if he could sleep with me and I said no problem. I carryed him to my room and got in bed and Konner followed suit by getting in and snuggling up to me and we fell asleep.

    Unforchananetly that was the last time that we got to hang out because Konner was taken away a week later. When I heared that he only had a few days before he had to leave Larry, Konner and myself were inseperable and on his last day the three of us sat cuddled together crying out eyes out.

    I have no idea where Konner is, I can only hope he is with a good family. Konner changed my life because of him I made a promise to myself on the day he left. No matter what happens I will adopt atleast one child when I settle down with a family. I want to give a needy kid a good home and a better life.

    Thanks for starting this topic Pramrider .

  3. #3


    That was so sweet, Pram! Pour your heart out anytime!

    I've never known anyone who adopted, but I have seen some orphans in an actual foster home before, and it is really, really sad.. Most of these kids are sweet, they just had the misfotune of having shitty parents who didn't use their heads. It really makes me angry how some parents often don't think about how their own habits will affect their children. Every thing you do makes a difference as a parent, and if crack is more important to you, then you shouldn't even have kids. I could never, ever live with myself, knowing that I brought a child into this world under those conditions.

    It does make me feel better that there are people like yours, and Kenshin's friends, who will give these poor kids a loving home, and actually care for them the way they deserve. I also applaud the both of you for wanting to do the same. Good topic, Pramrider!

  4. #4

  5. #5


    The thing that gets me is when these cases of foster child abuse from their supposed caregivers surface in the news, like the one posted on TBDL before. Are the local child welfare people being lax in checking up on their care? They've got to be!

    I talked at length with our foster parent friends and they filled me in on the requirements in our county in Maryland. It takes about 3 months for the whole approval process to take place before a child is entrusted to your care. The process partly includes: inspection of the home where the child will reside, complete background checks of all residents in the home 18 years or older, fingerprinting of same residents previously mentioned which is kept on file with the FBI, and mandatory training classes held by social services. In addition, the child has to be brought in for regular examinations, any injuries have to be explained and documented, social workers visit the home regularly and have one-on-one talks with the child and caregivers separately. The child has to always be with one of the approved family members. You can't hire a babysitter to come in while you step out for an evening unless they also have been previously approved.

    So my question is, how in the world do people lock foster kids in their basement and half starve them to death with no one ever taking notice? Someone evidently isn't doing their job in child welfare and should be held accountable for the physical and emotional damage done to these abused children, along with the abuser him or herself. The case worker and care giving family are supposed to be working together as a team for the child's welfare!

    Last edited by Pramrider; 04-Apr-2008 at 22:19.

  6. #6


    Probably because the laws on foster care are different in various states. Some states may be stricter than others. That's no excuse for treating the child you adopted like that though..

  7. #7


    that was so sweet

    To all you people that want to have like 4 kids: adopt! There are so many children in poor countries that have no place to go. Just like on the commercials. Ive been to the poorist city in China, it was disgusting and made me want to take all the kids home. (they tried to rub the freckles off my arm (people say they dont try... They do!))

  8. #8



    I grew up in fostercare until a few years ago when i was effectliely made homeless as i outgrew the system. However, now i am in a supportive environment, and i am starting to get a decent life together.


  9. #9


    My dad was adopted, so if it weren't for caring adoptive parents, I wouldn't be here at all! My grandma and grandpa are very nice and caring people. Grandma always bakes me cookies and treats! She just called actually, asking for the lotto numbers, lol. There are lots of nice people that want to adopt.

    However, there are also a lot more people seeking to adopt than there are children available. So you get bad things like baby mills in China, where women are paid to give birth and send their baby to adoptive parents in the west that pay mega-bucks for the service. In transit, the child is treated no better than a piece of meat, and many starve and die. You have to be very careful about where your new baby comes from when adopting.

  10. #10


    that is so sweet pramrider!, I actually had a tear in my eye reading it.
    It must be hard to loose someone you carry in your heart.

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