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Thread: When telling you significant other didn't go so well

  1. #1

    Default When telling you significant other didn't go so well

    The "Diapered with kids" thread is very productive thread and kudos to everyone who posted. This is one of the biggest questions in my mind currently. Having a very serious girlfriend, the possibility of marriage and kids is high. And I wonder a lot about this question. Just what will happen to my peculiar desires.

    I didn't want to create a new thread when I told my girlfriend because "I Told..." threads are a dime a dozen. But I did tell my gf about a month ago. And it didn't go as well as I'd hoped. No fairy tale there. Her biggest concern she voiced was, "geez, what if we have kids, I'm not sure if I'm going to want you around them and their diapers..." And I completely understand where she is coming from.

    So, my question: Has anyone ever told a gf or wife (and heck, a bf too I guess if y'all were planning on adopting kids or had them from a previous relationship) and it didn't go well, they weren't "supportive" did you handle it? Where you able to come to an agreement? Compromise? Did you just sweep it under the rug and forget about it? That seems to be the approach my gf wants to take. We haven't talked about it since that night and, even though I want to, I'm afraid to bring it up. But I know I need to. So I'm seeking advice on how to proceed. I'm half temped to print off the "Diapered with kids" thread and let her read it.

    Any thoughts would be appreciated.

  2. #2


    Well to be honest I don't think she fully understands your desires for wearing diapers. I can understand if she didn't want you to wear diapers around your kids. Her not wanting you around your own kids with their diapers though?! Hmmmm! Your not a pedophile, and being an ABDL doesn't mean you might be.

    When I told my wife about my DL side, she took it well. I encouraged her to read a lot of threads and posts on this site and over a short time she's learned a great deal and most importantly she's asked a lot questions. As the OP of 'Diapered with kids', I wanted to find out whether wearing diapers was possible at any capacity whilst raising children.

    Sorry that I don't really match the criteria for your question, with my wife being supportive and all. I just think your wife needs to know everything about your ABDL lifestyle (and I mean everything). You need to find out what she's concered about and why she would feel uncomfortable if you had kids. Maybe getting her to read a thread about issues like this would be a good idea. I do that a fair bit with my wife and it works in my favor.

  3. #3
    Butterfly Mage


    only failed once. had someone who didn't like us for what we told. but it was not to last. am ok now. worked ok the next time.

  4. #4


    I have the same problem actually. I told my girlfriend and she seemed alrightish about it, but she was kinda hinting that she wanted me to stop if we ever had kids. I actually haven't talked to her much about it since either. Our relationship is beginning to go downhill anyway so I don't really think I'll talk to her anymore about it. But I certainly think it's important that the person you love should have a complete understanding about what your desire is about. You sound like a fine person to me. And I'm sure that, given time, she'll understand that there's nothing wrong with you being around diapered kids.

    Hope I helped :|

  5. #5


    I suppose I should keep my e-mouth shut for this topic...but I have limited self control; just wanted to add my two cents.

    I've only ever had two significant others. I never told either one of them about this part of myself. In retrospect, the first probably had a pretty good idea, and it was my own insecurity or self-rejection that made it so easy for her to cheat on me. The relationship ended badly, and unable to deal with the loss or move on, I started down a somewhat destructive path. I dated my second girlfriend a few years later, but we never got close enough for such a conversation or conflict to arise. That was due, in part, to the same thing as before: I just didn't want to go there. We didn't get very involved, and broke up after a short time.

    Years later, and I haven't been in another relationship. The list of things I'm not willing to share keeps growing (slowly, thankfully...don't want to get pessimistic). A friend set me up with a nice girl a while back, and encouraged me "not to sabotage this" for myself. We didn't get much further than "what music do you like?".

    When I was in a relationship with my first girlfriend, I didn't have much 'baggage'. Just that one thing. As it became an issue, I withdrew. And I've never gone back. And with each year, it feels a little more difficult or unlikely to change that for myself. So, I don't have any experience regarding an SO not taking it well, but I feel like I've learned that the consequences of not dealing with it could be greater.

    On an individual basis, being open about this part of one's self will not guarantee a successful relationship. However, I think most of us, even me, don't have just one relationship across the lifespan. I'm willing to bet that being able to reconcile the strange aspects of one's life with the normal is, on average, a much stronger promoter of successful relationships than avoidance and deception. Probabilistically speaking, it seems that you'll be happier having told someone than never having dealt with it.

    I look up to folks who muster the courage to share this with someone they love and trust. Folks worried about what the SO will think aren't wrong to be worried--for the most part, this is not a sought after 'personality' trait--but they shouldn't ignore the personal strength and self worth it took to get to the point of inviting a sort of judgment.

    So, austin.db, stick with it. It sounds like you made communication a priority in your relationship, and showed that you'll keep it as such, regardless of the difficulty of the topic. What girlfriend/fiancee/wife could disagree with that?

  6. #6


    Thanks for the responses.
    Yeah, PostTene, I completely agree that communication is, on the whole, a good thing and without it, a relationship is not worth having (in my opinion). But I cant shake the feeling that I really messed up this situation by being too honest. Thanks for telling your story.

    One part of me thinks, well if she doesn't trust me enough to accept me with this issue, maybe she isn't "the one." But another side of me love her so much I cannot accept that thought. So I'm stuck. I think nappies4fun, you had a good idea. I think I just need to talk with her more. I don't really want to let her browse this forum. My interests are pretty limited compared to most members so it wouldn't be a fair representation. But I will bring it up and talk with her about it again. See if she has any questions. And I hope you're right growlycub, hopefully time will help. It usually settles things (either way it turns out)

    I hope this all works out. I'll let y'all know.

  7. #7


    I didn't tell my wife, austin.db, and it was/is very strong in me. For the first 7 years of our married life I abstained from it, as we started our family together. We moved, my job changed and I had Fridays off, which allowed me to express that part of myself on the qt. I did tell my wife so many years later, and she was very accepting.

    I think you have to weigh which is more important to you, because it doesn't sound like she wants to accept it. Communication is good, but if you really love this girl and want her to be a part of your life, weigh that against wearing diapers. As the years go by, circumstances change, just as they did in my life. Life is a journey. The best part of it is the relationships we form with one another.

  8. #8


    Hey Austin, I can relate to what you have shared so far.

    I recently told a BF about my fetish, and felt the same way last night about feeling like I "messed it up" by sharing that with him. I feel like if this ruins our relationship, then it was not meant to be. My diaper fetish is part of my sexual expression of my innermost being, and if my lover/partner cannot accept that, then we have much bigger problems than the specifics of my fetish.

    I told him last Tuesday (Dec 29th), and it went very well overall. He actually picked up on my emotions, and at that point I knew I needed to tell him.
    Part of the email I wrote him the next day:

    I feel like restraint is the most important thing for me at this point. I need to let him think about it, and when (if) he is ready he will let me know. We had two dates between then and now (new years, saturday night) and it was mentioned in passing, but not explored.

    I don't feel shame like I used to with this fetish. That helps alot when trying to explain/explore it with a partner. I know that this is a fetish that I've had my whole life, and is probably not going anywhere, so my partner must know about it.

    I did have a 4 year relationship with someone who I didn't have a "normal" sex life with, and he ended up hating diapers, because he felt like I cared more about them than him. The way I told him was a huge mistake (the 1st date) because it meant that I stayed in the relationship partially because he knew my secret, and tolerated it to a point.

    My biggest fear at this point is not having 'normal' sex regularly, because I spent 4 years in an unhealthy (sexual) relationship. I am not in a rush to incorporate diapers into my sex life. I would much rather have regular sex, first, and then (over the next 1-2 years) explore the kinks a little bit more. My biggest fantasy involving diapers at this point is having sex, and then having him diaper me for bed. I think that's the most appropriate intro, because it happens after we've already had 'normal' sex.

    Let me know what you're thinking/feeling Austin
    . Glad to know there's someone else out there going through a similar situation.

    ---------- Post added at 03:58 AM ---------- Previous post was at 03:56 AM ----------

    Quote Originally Posted by dogboy View Post
    For the first 7 years of our married life I abstained from it
    How did you do that? I've tried abstaining for a month, and broken down and bought diapers!

  9. #9


    My wife has issues with me wearing and we have four children. As it turned out her greatest anxiety was 'What if the kids found out'. I'd been careless and left things in plain sight like baby powder in the medicine chest, or used diapers in the trash. As it turned out her greatest fear was my carelessness. I have since adopted the habit of keeping my stash in a gym bag with a luggage lock. Soiled diapers get the same treatment until I can dispose of them discreetly. She is still not thrilled by my diaper hobby, but she is certainly more at-ease about it. She occasionally pats my butt affectionately, and I know whe is trying to find out if I happen to be wearing. At least she's good natured about it.

    My advice would be to assure her that this is not something you wish to flaunt and that discretion is important to you. She may feel like if she accepts the behaviour you will start sitting on the couch in nothing but a diaper. She may also be concerned about carelessness and being found out by kids or family. Actions speak louder than words. Practice discretion and respect her hesitancy.

  10. #10


    Thanks for the input everyone. I had every intention of talking to my gf tonight after work. I even printed out the "Diapered with kids" thread. But, I was so hungry and tried by the end of work, all I wanted to do was eat, then by then, we had some "other stuff" we wanted to attend to and I didn't want to interfere with that. Then she had to go to trivia. Poop. Well, maybe later on this week.

    Thanks for sharing your story bobbravo. It seems like you are really trying to build a lasting, healthy relationship and I have no doubt you will succeed if you keep the attitude and approach you are taking now. I'm glad you were able to talk about your situation. That is why these boards are so good.

    I feel like puffybottom and dogboy, you are saying the same thing. I need to respect her and our relationship. And I couldn't agree more. I think you may be onto something Puffy. She's probably worried I'll flaunt it if she lets me get too comfortable with the idea. That makes a lot of sense. Man, I'm glad I'm having this discussion with y'all before I talk to her. It will help me think of most everything (hopefully) before it comes up.

    Thanks for all the input!

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