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Thread: Parents' Fighting Caused by Me?

  1. #1

    Unhappy Parents' Fighting Caused by Me?

    I can't bear much more of there fighting. And sometimes over somthing stupid. Its realy been depressing me. Becuse when me and my dad fight( which is alot) she dosent like it. Than she will assume that me and dad are going to fight when we realy arn't and my dad will get pissed at her for it. I keep feeling like its my fault becuse if me and my dad didnt fight my mom wouldn't have reson to be anoyed. And when she get upest about our fighting she will freak out on her own. She once threw all the burgers we were grilling becuse me and dad where fighting about somthing else stupid.
    Beleve me, I realy do try to stop fighting with him. He has this aditude like he is allways right on everything. And he dosent know when to back down. I dont know wether it was stupid to post my private life but i dont know what to do anymore.

  2. #2
    Butterfly Mage


    If your parents aren't getting along, it's probably not about you. It can seem that way though, and it does suck. Sometimes people will scream and yell about trivial things because they are afraid to talk about what"s really bothering them. It's not as scary to say "I hate the hamburgers" as "I worry that you don't love me."

    The thing that parents usually don't realize is how scary it is to children to see their parents constantly bicker. when the parents are distraught, they are less emotionally available to their kids. This reinforces the child's impression of blame.

    you didn't do anything wrong. your post was totally appropriate.
    Last edited by Martin; 24-Dec-2009 at 00:38. Reason: Merge

  3. #3


    Its okay to post this kinda stuff, its what we're here for : to help. I used to have, well still do, have fighting issues with my dad. I know it can be really hard to not have a fight occur and i know how difficult it simply is being in a fight with your father, its very emotionally taxing and i feel for you, no one should have to deal wit that. One thing i would suggest trying would be to talk to your dad in a moment when things are semi-calm, that way you might be able to explain how these constant rows are affecting your relationship with him and how you don't like how its affecting your mom.

    I know how hard it can be to even communicate with someone who always thinks they're right, but please don't give up, its all about communication with these types of parents. Your mother is probably having issues seeing you and your father driven apart in arguments, might i also suggest sitting a talk wit her and explaining how you feel about fighting with your dad? You might be able to get her to help resolve some of the fights rather then get angry and throw burgers away. But if nothing else please do not get instigated into a fight with your father because he doesn't know when to back down, i think most parents always feel they are right "perks of their jobs" and they are extremely lax to admit any wrongs which of course leads to them stubbornly holding onto their beliefs whether they be right or wrong. Just understand one thing, this is not your fault; sometimes parents, i have seen, simply have a hard time properly conveying their feelings to their children, and when they lack the communication skills necessary to a smooth relationship according to their rules and standards, they get really frustrated and tend to take it out on us, the children =(
    ..... hang in there though, try to have a Happy Holiday and please PM me if you need anything in this matter, i know/have been in this kind of situation many times.
    Last edited by SquishyTushy; 24-Dec-2009 at 02:14.

  4. #4


    I really don't want to undermine your situation but it's all part of being a family. Families fight and trust me it can get bad, much worse than the fights that go on in your family. You just have to kinda deal with it and try to avoid those situations. You don't always have to prove your dad wrong either. If a argument is going no where and you think it may start problems just give up on arguing about it and get back to what you were doing. Like I said fights and arguments will happen, just try and do your best to keep the situations to a minimum so things don't get too bad. When things in a family get really bad they usually don't fix at all from my experience, and i have a lot of experience with family issues. If you want to talk about it more with me feel free to PM me.

  5. #5


    I can remember when I went through this with my mom. The problem is that they push the same emotional buttons. You could be 30 years old, return home for Christmas, and if the same key set of words were spoken, those same emotional feelings would return.

    Since your dad is not wise enough to understand what is going on, you will have to be the one to lessen the tension. That will be hard because he will push all those old familiar buttons. The best thing will be to say nothing and walk away.

    Even when you become an adult and get married, these things will happen. Today my wife and mother in law were baking Christmas cookies in the kitchen. I sincerely wanted to make a cup of coffee but I knew better. They get really tense while baking, so I found other things to do all day. You just have to find what will work for you.

  6. #6


    I used to fight with my dad every day. I stopped when I got a Harley. Don't ask me why, but anytime we start arguing it inevitably turns to new tune ups he'll put into my Harley for free. I also avoid talking to my dad when he is clearly in an arguable mood. Sometimes you can just sense it. If you do get into an argument then try to say something like "Can we talk about this later?". That works on my dad a lot. He'll usually say "Because I'm right and you don't want to admit I'm smarter", but then you bring it up later he's like "Yeah, sorry about that".

  7. #7

  8. #8


    I remember my parents getting into bad arguements themselves but in time they were over with it. I also been in alot of arguments with my mom mainly shes a very hard person to talk to. I bet it must be very hard though having to deal with that. There are very few things i can think of in situations like that, can possibly talk to your parents how you feel about their arguing, or if they argue you can also try to be a lil more distant from those situations like going on walks or do something to get your mind busy so you wouldnt stress alot from that. Usually for me talkin to good friends i find realy helpful when im stressed. I really hope things will get better for ya, I know how depressing it is especially knowin you can't really do much for situations like that. Wish ya the best of luck.

  9. #9


    My old man and mother fought all the time, he was a drunk, but after I reached about 12, I rarely spoke to him, I did what I was doing and he did what he was doing, we just started talking like humans just before he died.

    Find you own space, speak to him when you have to, otherwise go on with you life as though he didn't exist, and thngs will calm down, in a few years you will be out of there untill then just live your own life.

  10. #10
    Butterfly Mage


    My dad's been married four times. When he was in the process of divorcing his first wife (who was my mom), those two had some knock-down dra-gout fights that made the "War of the Roses seem" amicable. Mom was a drunk and dad was a two-timing sexual sadist. They had a good ol' time breaking each others' belongings too. Personally, I never figured out why they bothered to break up, since all they could talk about for the next twenty years was how their marriage was.

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