True story so please be kind in your replies.
I am sitting here lost and confused. Not really just sitting here with butterflies in my stomach and a little too much sugar.
I feel like I felt on the first day of school as a kid.
Yesterday my girlfriend was making cookies. I LOVE cookies but the sugar rips apart my stomach. I only had about three (okay maybe a forth one before I went to bed, fine).
My girlfriend put on my maximum protection depends as I love those during the night. Actually, I had worn one pretty much all morning on Saturday while watching cartoons and wrapping a few presents.
I usually put my underwear on in the mornings but it is the holiday and somehow the kid feelings start going into overdrive and I start feeling more like a full time diaper lover with my long shirts.
I went to the store in my diaper yesterday to get some stuff for the cooking, too.
Okay the reason why I am up this morning and it is not pleasant and I am kind of ashamed right now.
About an hour and a half ago or roughly 3AM I woke up and had my stomach telling me it was not happy. I grabbed my soft blankie and pillow and balled up in stomach pain. Darn Cookies!
My girlfriend left to her Moms after she tucked me in last night so I was also a little scared. The area around where I leave is like a ghost town as everyone left for home in the last week after finals so that does not help.
As I hugged my pillow and soft blankie I felt the need to have a bowel movement and was actually to the point of being scared to get out of bed. It was like I did not have my Mommy here to tuck me back in or put on a clean diaper.
I know that sounds weird but it is true.
Okay long story ... I am embarrassed and no one to talk to right now. I had an accident #2. I am close to crying I feel awful, cold and alone.
I feel ashamed telling a random blog site what is going on but my girlfriend is not here and I don't know what to do. I know I do but I am scared.
I am going back to sleep with a messy diaper and just crawl up in a fetal position for the next day.
It is like I am going through the stages of grief right now.
Stage 1 - Awoke scared to death of the reality that my stomach was hurting and then denied the fact that I had an accident.
Stage 2 - Felt guilty for not being able to hold it in and make it to the bathroom like a big kid.
Stage 3 - Going on a site (here) and trying to bargain with others on if this is right or wrong and what I should do about it.
Stage 4 - Where I was as I was writing this blog. Reflecting and Lonely.
Stage 5 - I know I need to get my messy diaper off as it has been about 2 hours and it is not healthy for me. Even though my girlfriend does put desitin on me every time she changes me. But it is still kind of gross and it smells a little.
Stage 6 - Is where I will be in about 10 minutes (or back to bed) in working through this mess I created.
Stage 7 - I just have to accept the fact that I am who I am as an adult baby and these things are going to happen despite the past 10 years.
Thank you all for listening to me and I am not sure why I am still posting this blog but maybe it will help someone that has issues with being an adult baby who thought they would of grown out it in their teen years.