It kinda sucks my second post is gonna be on the heavy side but it is what has been on my mind.
So I was going through a mental breakdown at one point. I got word from my mom that my little brother was back in rehab due to a relapse. This is a big deal to me because I already lost my older brother to a crack overdose when he was twenty four. To have to go through it all again would just kill me. Needless to say this started affecting my performance at work big time where they eventually sent me to a therapist to get help. I had never been to one. I never liked the idea of someone prying into my personal life and thinking everything was fixable with drugs. I didn't want to be dependent on drugs most of all. The fear of the unknowing of how they would affect scared the hell out of me.
I remember when I was driving there though, kept thinking in the back of my mind "take a Uturn, you're almost there ....screw this!". Before I knew it I was walking in the office door like a nervous wreck.
We tackled quite a lot and def. made some connections to what was going on in my head. I continued to see her and each time it felt more right. Eventually I did tell her about the whole ab/dl thing. I don't know how I did it but it just felt like I already trusted her with so much as it is, why not go all out?
I told her what bugged me the most is the fact I can't control these desires. As I stated I absolutely hate feeling dependent on something, letting it control me instead of vice versa. Though that issue is far too deep to handle it did help to hear from a professional level such as herself that it's pretty damn normal.
She related it all to a "coping mechanism". It's how I deal with stress and probably explains why my ocd is through the roof. The rest of what she said is things I already knew considering I'm not exactly a moron BUT it was nice to hear her thoughts mirrored back from mine. When it comes out of the mouth of a professional such as her, it's a pretty amazing feeling.
Basically though, we're not harming anyone. Everyone has something they do, be it behind closed doors even of how they cope with every day pressures. There's worse things you could be into as well, like rape, murder, sniffing blow off a diaper crack, slapping hoes who don't pay up. You get the idea In the end though we just gotta do what makes us happy and if it's not harming anyone then by all means don't stop. You only live once, make the most of it.